2 week No contact is it ok

I have read through as many comments as I could to see if anything best fit my situation. I came across one that helped but I would still like to explain my situation and get your direct opinion.

Looking back, I’ve done this no contact rule and remained friends w/ an old-ex whom I did not want back, and that old-ex came back 1.5 years later proposing to me – which I definitely did not want (since I initiated breakup). So I feel like I implemented your plan w/o the intention of getting w/ someone and feel that my most recent breakup, my new-ex, will end up w/ a role reversal (I implement plan and my new-ex does not want me back).

New ex:
We were together for 6 months before he moved for a job, and have done just about 1 year of long distance (LDR) with seeing each other on average ever 6 weeks — but not seeing each other this past 2 months. We talked on the phone or skyped every night and I knew he was very unhappy with his job for quite some time. 3 days after I bought plane tickets for a visit later in the month, and the night after we were planning our itinerary for my trip, he called to break up — which seemed so out of the blue. He sighted that we fought too much and that he was more unhappy than happy with me — I never caught on to that! I thought our disagreements were just difference of opinions not fights! I do take blame b/c I did say I was upset a lot and I had difficulty expressing my emotions. I’ve said crazy things, but I told him my actions speak louder than my words and I never meant that. (i.e. crazy thing on a skype chat: I said I was thirsty, and then I got upset that he didn’t pretend to give me his glass of water over skype. I recognize how irrational I was and I would be pissed if he did that to me, but I’ve learned and don’t think I’ll do it again). Another crazy thing I’ve said is that I want him to pay for everything (b/c he’s done that his past gfs) – his justification for that was that they earned so little compared to him and i’m more equal. Howeveer, my actions are different from my words! Although I’ve said that, I still pay for me, for us, and I even give him cash to give his parents when they have taken us out to dinner (one occasion) — but I insisted on giving him the cash and he would put it into the check so it wouldn’t be me putting cash (otherwise I thought they wouldn’t accept it).

He is a very rational and logical person so his decision to break up, although it seemed out of the blue, must have been coming for a long time. I asked, and he said it started festering from 3 months ago from a trip we had, where I was upset for most of the day of that trip (b/c I thought it was not the romantic trip he said we were going on). Later on that weekend of the trip I told him I loved him and that my desires were to marry him and I would like that by the end of this year. He said he made his decision and I kept asking if he was sure and he said I don’t know. Then I asked if he saw a future w/ me and he said No at one point and I don’t know so many times. I also stressed that I do not get back together w/ ex’s, when in reality, I would definitely get back w/ him. I asked if he wanted a break to think about this, and we’ll chat soon and we didn’t decide at that moment what to do, but ended our conversation b/c he was hungry.

I think he just started to focus on the negatives for the past 3 months, and his stress and unhappiness with work made him think I was making him unhappy too. I recognize I didn’t help as much as I could have, and people say it should’ve been natural and easy for me to just make him happy at the end of the day.

I sent an email about 12 hours after our breakup asking if we can chat in 1-2 weeks and siting how I really didn’t know his unhappiness w/ me was so severe, and I asked if he felt I was pressuring him to get married (which I was not, I just expressed my desires).

He responded that we would talk in about 2 weeks. Then I, stupidly responded, and said ok well let me know if you want to talk in person b/c I’ll still be using my plane tickets to come out, but will be hanging out w/ friends. I know he will contact me, b/c he said he would and he is the type of person to go through w/ his word.

What I think is ideal is he would at least be open to talking to me in person and maybe one night we meet up and act like we were all good, Then the next night we dicuss what needs to change in our relationship, and then I’d leave to be w/ friends for the rest of my trip so he could have space.

I know his love languages of touch, time, and service are best fulfilled when we are together so I am willing to move to his city and work this out.

I don’t think I can ignore him when he reaches out to me, and it is impossible to start a new 30 day NC. I feel like 30 days from that he may find a new job and be happier, but since I’ve removed him from all social media and deleted his cell – I don’t think he’ll see me being in a happier and confident place.

B/c I am attributing a lot of our problems to the distance and the lack of being next to each other over the past 2 months, I will move out there for us if he thinks we have a chance. I feel like if I do not move there, then there definitely is no chance. Especially since he thinks I would never get back w/ an ex, b/c I said it, but I would w/ him.

I know we both need to work on our communication styles, but I really do want to work on it with him. And if I’m not in the same city as him, he won’t see that we have a chance, b/c he is a very stubborn, logical person whose decisions are pretty final.

Is 2 weeks from initial break up enough of NC? I think your advice would be to tell him we need some space and time to figure out what he wants and that we shouldn’t talk for a month. I don’t want to say a month to him, I just want to talk to him. If your steadfast on NC then can i say 2-6 weeks? (I feel like I have to let him know b/c if I ignore him he will justify that I’m bad with communication) Then after 3 weeks or so, I plan on texting/emailing of something that reminded me of good memory we had.

Also I’ve noticed there hasn’t been activity in the comments section for 6 months, but I hope someone can still offer advice!

I read every word you wrote, I felt as if I am seeing myself in it. Well, my ex too is the same kinda mentality but I would say we give time with NC but I agree with you 30 days might be too long since you already away but the fact he holds neigitive feelings towards you will gain from NC … so lets say 2 weeks when he contact you if he didnt leave it till you already in his town… I think you will be back to moment he will see you and hold your hands this is if he gave himself the chance to open up.

I would appreciate your advice please too as we might have some similarities x

If a man associates you with negativity, 2 weeks is not a long enough time to get rid of the negative connotations he has for you. Men associate you with things by how you make him feel. If he is happy when he is around you he will want to keep you around as his job and life is already stressful. If you brought negativity to his life he will see that as something he DOES have power to change and get rid of you. 30 days is a great amount of time for no contact. It gives time to rid the negative and miss you. Also, gives you a chance to work on your communication skills and help with your sensitivity level.

Nora,
I feel like what you are saying is giving me hope b/c I do feel that if we can see each other and hug and enjoy each other’s presence it can work. However, I don’t know where he stands if he is open or not, and hanging onto hope is very damaging to my recovery.

Blue,
Sorry to be nitty gritty, b/c honestly, I am looking for hope in your answer. Does he have to be happy when he is physically around me ? That is something I will not be able to re-assess unless we are together. Does he have to be happy when we were video chatting? If that’s the case, at least now I know he was not.

i believe we are the one who can control the relation but its hard very hard from a distance so if you have strong feeling for him give it a go and dont lose hope… but just be strong not needy. i know you want him so much but bit by bit it will be ok

After lots of browsing through websites to help myself heal, I was still griping onto the hope that my ex and I can still be together. I was looking for evidence to give me hope and I sure did find it.

Then, I tried browsing the web for “reasons for breakups”, “how to know when to end things” to see things from what I think is his perspective, and I lost all hope.

I was going on an emotional roller coaster over the past week, but really the only thing to do is accept what is gone b/c I have been so selfish and not understanding of how he felt.

When we do talk I will say that I understand how I was pressuring him to get back with me and see that he is uncomfortable. I would prefer to reconcile, but accept his decision, and I will ask to be friends and discuss my mistakes.

As reluctant as I was to want to believe the following statement, I do feel it in mmy heart to be true.

" If this is the person for you, you can reverse this rejection. And if he or she is not the person for you at this time in your life, you can still uncover what happened and prevent yourself from being traumatized again."
(http://www.thecouragetowin.com/getyourexback/)

I know that links to another outside website, but really http://www.thecouragetowin.com/getyourexback/ is what brought me peace.

He knows I don’t want to break up, but I have to show him I listen to him and I need to learn from this experience so this never happens to me again.