Hey Amy111, that does seem a bit strange that he hasn’t removed your relationship from FB. It could either be because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or it could be because he doesn’t want to let go of you.
If it’s upsetting you, I think you should remove it. Or at least set it to being blank. That might even give him a reality check that he’s lost you!
Facebook is such a weird part of a breakup. My ex hasn’t deleted me off it either, which is a bit confusing. When we broke up he pretty much told me not to contact him, but he hasn’t blocked me or anything like that. Do you think it’s because he just hasn’t thought about it? Or is he still hanging on to us somehow?
That’s the thing! Last time we broke it off, he changed it the same day. He hasn’t been busy and has been on Facebook every day quite a lot. Seeing as he was the one who initiated the break up I would expect him to?
But yes I’m not sure what to do-part of me wants to do that it shows him he’s “lost” me, hit the other part of me thinks what if he’s wondering what I’m doing and wants me back, and if I change it it shows I don’t want him? It’s a strange situation that I’ve never been in before… What are you going to do?
Yes it makes sense for him to initiate it. Men are so confusing haha. It’s so hard to tell what they’re thinking or why they’re doing something. A lot of the time I don’t think they even have a reason. To be honest it sounds like he loves you, he’s just being a bit immature. Your whole story sounds like you have a good chance though, it’s just a shame he has to put you through all this hurt first. If you honestly think he’s worth it then good luck with NC this time, and I really hope it works for you.
If you change it I don’t think he will take that as you not wanting him. He knows what he means to you. You’ve told him countless times. It will just show him that you’re respecting the space right now and if he wants you back the ball is in his court. Do what is right for you.
I’m not sure. I thought about deleting him but then I thought that would look petty. I’ve just completed my 30 days NC, which has felt like forever and also went by in a flash at the same time. I’m in a good place, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to contact him yet without coming across as needy. I also need to work out exactly what I’m going to say. I may even give it another month. So watch this space I guess!
Thank you-the NC for 3 months last time worked a treat but this time he wanted to do NC for longer he’s also going travelling for 2 months, so I doubt he will miss me with him being so busy dreading it
He definitely will miss you. People can have fun and do things and still miss someone. They’re not mutually exclusive
For example, we are both seeing our friends and having fun, but we still miss our exes. They probably feel the same!
Yeah I was thinking that because I started NC the day after the breakup so it wasn’t really that long ago! I think he will definitely need more time, as do I.
Yeh that’s true I think what worries me is a friend of mine spoke to him (he doesn’t think we’re that close) and he didn’t know that she knew we broke up. When she asked him how he was he replied “yeah great thanks! Yeah we broke up which is a shame but I think she understood my reasons. Yea she is lovely and I hope she isn’t too hurt! So I’m leaving it to cool off and then hopefully we can be good friends”
I was really hurt by this-it was the day after he broke up with me, crying with me etc…and to say he only wants to be good friends unless this is a front he’s putting on?
Yeah this a good plan! What happened with you and your ex? I find this site soooo helpful, it helped so much to talk about it last time on here!
I agree with you @amy111 I think no co fact for more than 30 days is better. Even if I have to wait 3 months to finally feel good enough to make the move then I will wait 3 months.
I have a question though, both of our birthdays are coming up and mine is before his. If he doesn’t text me and say happy birthday, should I still text him happy birthday when his comes?
It probably is a front. Nobody likes to admit it if they’re finding a breakup tough - especially those who initiated it.
Well he broke up with me about a month ago after he came back from a festival. He said that getting some distance had meant he’d seen us in a new light and realised all the bad things: arguments etc. I begged, promised to change, and all the rest of it, but he was very stubborn in his decision. He was giving me a lot of different reasons, and I really suspect he didn’t fully know why he wanted out, he just knew he wasn’t happy. He said he still loved me and still cared about me, but we were incompatible. Weirdly, when we were talking a couple of days before, he was saying that we should meet to sort it out - not break up. So it was a bit of a shock to see him u-turn like that. I asked him if he just needed distance for a month or so, but he told me that I should move on because he couldn’t ask me to wait for him, as it would be too damaging for me.
We haven’t spoken since then, it’s been hard because I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to tell him. We still have each other on Facebook and Instagram, so I could contact him if I wanted to. I just have to be sure I’m ready for however he’ll react.
I see no harm in texting him either way, because you’ve finished your no contact period. I think just play it by ear and if you feel like it on the day, then send a casual text.
lin91 - that basically sounds exactly the same as my situation ahha, mine said that he wanted to be with me but wanted to grow and be more mature but not to wait for him… may I ask how old you are? As mine panicked that we are 22/23, and that his mum thought we were too young to be in a serious relationship with each other.
Your right. I am going to leave it for a bit - if it gets to thursday and he still hasn’t changed it, I might message him to say something along the lines of “Hiya, I’ve just realised that we are still listed as ‘in a relationship’…Its sent a few mixed signals to me- do you want to chat?”
Seeing as he’s going travelling in 2 weeks, he’s away this week with his family and then his back home for a week next week, I don’t want to leave it until he goes away for the 7 weeks
I’m 24 and he’s 28.
It sounds like you have more chance to be honest, because he knows that he wants space and why he wants it. Mine on the other hand seemed confused and all he knew was he wanted space from me. He stopped talking to me and then we broke up and haven’t spoken since. It’s frustrating knowing that you can fix something but knowing the other person may well have given up Oh well. I suppose I’m hanging onto the fact that the space will be good for us both and we may end up together when we’re in better places.
Yes you could do that. To be honest I think the best thing to say would be: “I’m going to change our relationship status on facebook because it’s giving me mixed messages still being there. Hope that’s okay.”
Because phrasing it that way means you are in control. If you ask him if he wants to chat about it, then you’re putting the ball in his court and he has the control.
That’s the most awful part, knowing what you want to say but they won’t listen! So annoying. I guess time is just what they need, and we should respect that if they’re worth the wait.
Hey, I totally understand how you’re both feeling. It’s really hard when you want to talk to them but you know they won’t listen. My ex hasn’t tried contacting me since my break up, he even blocked me on social media. I think I’m still blocked I’m not sure. I try to avoid checking it cause it really hurts knowing he doesn’t want me to see anything he is doing.
My boyfriend and I are just seniors in high school so, yes there is many more guys that could come into my life in the future. But my ex was my best friend and I really miss him. Even with school coming up again its going to suck. I kind of hope we end up getting a class together so he has to see me.
We always saw so many relationships that started in high school work out with other couples, and we always wanted that to be us. It just sucks knowing that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.
Ahh so you’re actually going to have to see him at school whatever happens? When do you go back?
I feel like if we’d been with guys that we knew were bad from the get-go, then things would be easier. If I had been with someone that I knew would screw me over eventually I would be able to get over it because I would have seen it coming.
But it sounds like your situation is like mine, where I literally thought he would never hurt me. We argued, sure. But we always got through it and made up and promised to listen to each other more. But now he’s torn himself away from me, and along with it all the things he ever said about how much I meant to him, what our future was, and how he’d never give up on me. Kind of a kick in the face. And pretty cruel actually.
I start school in the middle of August, but my school has a lot of people in each grade so we could have a chance of not having a class together. We are both taking 4 of the same classes but there is a good chance of us not getting put in the same class. Last year we had 2 classes together and we both shared a close friend and she got us together.
Now she isn’t a close friend of mine due to the usual high school drama but he stopped being friends with her when I did. But now they are friends again I guess. I really think if she was still my friend she could’ve easily said something to him and he could have realized how dumb he is being but that’s just how life is.
Hi girls, so today is 46 days since my break up and I just saw my ex’s face on a friends snapchat as they’re at a party. Seeing his face just hurt me so bad. Every time I see his face somewhere I just feel like I’m never going to have him again. I feel like I just went back to how I did 5 weeks ago.
I don’t know if tonight is just one of those nights where you just feel alone but it just really sucks. I hate this feeling.
Honestly honey its normal i felt the same way…i felt like someone stabbed me when i seen mines on fb…but it will get better…if you ever feel alone write me as much as you want and I will answer…its going to be hare but then you know your still not ready…i want you to go out and have fun…i know you was honest with the guy rrom the double date but maybe you shoild habg out with others just to get your mind off of it sometimes…he shouldn’t have so much control over YOUR heart its up to you to get better
Thank you. But yes I know he had a lot of control of my heart. I shouldn’t have let myself do this but I relied on him so much for my happiness. I lost a very good friend before I met him and when we got together I became so happy. I need up losing another close friend and he was the only friend I had left.
Now I only have 2 friends, so I don’t really get invited out anywhere much. We will make plans ad hang out but I have been to a party once this whole entire summer and it is killing me.
So every time I see him having fun it just hurts because I’m just some girl no one cares to talk to. But I’m really trying to feel better. Its like right as everything is going so good, everything starts to get bad again.
Do other things entertain you besides parties?.?if you dont mind me asking are you in school or something?
But anyways i understand your pain because i literally talk to maybe one person and she is my co worker i just graduated college so all of my old friends live somewhere else we dont even talk…but anyways we have to find a way to get your mind off of worrying about him…i hate to say it like this but only you can make your self feel better or worse. Make your own fun…literally since i dont have friends. I go to the gym whenever i start feeling bad …show him that you can live without him
he’s also going travelling for 2 months, so I doubt he will miss me with him being so busy 
dreading it 
Oh well. I suppose I’m hanging onto the fact that the space will be good for us both and we may end up together when we’re in better places.