I was doing so well. I never thought he would approach me & ask to talk. We were at work. He didn’t call, didn’t instant message, didn’t text. He walked up to my desk and said he would like to talk to me. What? Omg! I couldn’t believe it. He was so mad at me now he wAnts to talk? I was torn, what do I do? Thank god I was on the phone & couldnt. He seemed to get mad cause he asked me when I would have time & I said I didn’t know. Next day completely ignored me. What was so important that I had to talk to him that day? Why did he act that way? Kind of demanding we talk. I feel guilty for not agreeing to talk. I really want to know what he had wanted to say. I lost my chance. I feel the empty pit in my stomach again. I have lost over 15 lbs already. I am over the hump but 14 more days is still a lot. I don’t know if I can do it.
My friend says “it doesn’t matter it can wait till after the 30 days. Maybe he will ask to talk to you again but be nicer about it next time. His Ego has been deflated.”
I need some advise…please see my story. It’s really not your typical break up.
You can find it under: Boards › No Contact Rule › we were in drift but in a blink of sn eye it changed to deaths door.
Thanks for the support. If I can be of help to any of you please let me know.
are you sure he wasn’t going to talk to you about the break up and potential of getting back together?? i mean how could he be mad at you if you guys haven’t talked in 15 days? unless you know of other reasons such as you have something of his that he wants back or you talked behind his back and now he wants to ask you why you’d say shit and so on!
i would email him and very nicely ask what he wanted!
No I think he wanted to discuss selling the jet skis we own. He was mad at me because I had a conversation with his new girlfriend. Nearly broke them up. You have to go back and read the whole story. That’s why I was surprised he approached me in person. I am 17 days into no contAct. We are not supposed to talk to our exes at all. We still have stuff of each other’s & need to discuss some things for sure but I just needed to break away from him. He was wanting to be friends while with this other woman from our place of work. I just couldn’t handle it still can’t. I want them to break up so bad. He should have never entered into a new relationship while he is battling stage 4 cancer. I can’t express the emotions I have been going through!
Day 20 he stood right next to me in line at lunch time and didn’t say a word. An hour later he sent me an email.
Him: “Are you going to give me any tools back?”
Me: “I will not talk personal matters with you while I am at work.”
I said this because I am afraid the conversation will not go well and I do not want to be upset at work.
No response. He walked past my desk several times afterwards for no apparent reason. I was hoping he would contact me this evening but I guess not.
Is this just an excuse to talk to me because he misses me or just cares about the tools? I have 10 more days of no contact. Should I wait or contact him to discuss? I am so confused I don’t know what to do.
Day 24. It’s getting harder and harder for me to not contact him. I just found out from a coworker that he left work early today because he wasn’t feeling well. Not sure that is the truth since it is a holiday weekend & the new gf wasn’t at work. It still makes me worry about his health because I did find out that the chemo is not working so he has to switch again which is not a good sign.
I am worried that he will start deteriorating fast & I have wasted these 30 days of no contact when he may have needed me most even with the other gf in the picture.
I am also worried that since my no contact & me not being willing to talk, he has turned to her for the comfort & attention he needs right now.
I suppose 6 more days won’t make a difference at this point and I will contact him after the 30 days but I am just not sure how to do it. A letter, a text, or in person?
Day 29. I talk to coworker who told me he is not doing well with his chemo so he has to go out of state for treatments. I was very upset to hear this. I felt I had to talk to him so I broke no contact. What’s one more day right?
Me: how are you?
Him: what?
Me: just thought I’d ask cause we haven’t talked in a while
Him: I’m good
Me: what’s been going on with your treatments?
Me again: ok you don’t want to tell me that’s ok
Him: might be changing chemo again
Me: why? What’s wrong? It’s not working?
Him: no
Me: shit…are they putting you on the first chemo drugs you had again
Him: no I’m going to philly for better care
Me: when?
Him: same time I get my tools back
Me: very funny that’s all you care about is those stupid tools. We really do need to have a conversation but I don’t think it’s a good idea to discuss. It here (at work). If you dont want to that’s fine. I was just concerned about your health and wanted to see how you were doing.
He did not respond after that. I am disappointed that he didn’t open up more but I guess that was to be expected. I don’t know if he misses me, I guess I should be glad he at least responded.
I am hopeful that he will think about having that conversation that we really do need to have.
Should I say something to him in person? Or wait it out? Do no contact some more? Maybe we need more time? Problem is we don’t have time with him having cancer he could take a turn for the worse any time. What should I do? Please help!
I think you need to be there for him right now. You never know what could happen with his health. Tell him that you want to come with him or that you really want to be there for him. Don’t talk about meeting up and talking because he has a lot going on right now and he is probably scared and confused. If he knows that he has you in his corner I think he will feel a little bit better.
If I were you, I wouldn’t take any chances because he does have cancer. What if something horrible happens and he takes a turn for the worse? My ex has a brain tumor (they operated on it long before we were together) but it is still there and one bad hit to the head could make it grow again. I always think about that and how dangerous having a brain tumor is. If my ex were to ever go into surgery for that brain tumor I know for a fact I would be there in a heart beat and I know he would appreciate that so much from me. I would tell him how much I love him still and care about him even after all the nasty things that have happened.
Hey, sorry to hear about your situation and about his cancer. I don’t know the terms of your relationship or how it ended, etc. From what I draw from it all is since he has cancer maybe he wants to see whats out there. He probably is unsure if you were the one and wants to search for someone different. I know thats how guys think, shit, thats how I always thought. I know its hard, but it sounds like you need to wait this one out. You showed that you cared about how he was doing, and I think its pretty messed up that he would act like that in that situation.
My advice would be to let him run his course with his new girlfriend, it probably won’t work out. It must be difficult having to see him everyday. Its not really no contact if he sees you so often. Eventually he will realize what he lost. Try not to dwell on all this, I think the worst thing you can do is press him, it will probably only push him further. I know this is hard, because you want a definitive answer as to how you should proceed. With guys, if you show you are fine without us, it hurts our egos and we start to wonder.
Caroline, thank you for your thoughts. You understand though, he has a new gf. She stays at his place, he stays at hers. They are always together. He doesn’t need me.
Of course I’ve told him I would be there for him. I said that before no contact when we were on speaking terms and he was dating her. Problem is we (new gf & i) had a confrontation & now he is acting like this. It’s a long story but I knew he was dating someone but it was someone from our work, he kept that part a secret but the shit hit the fan when I (we) found out.
We have unresolved issues that need addressed right now. I don’t want to wait till he is on his death bed. He is going to die, it’s stage 4 cancer.
I can’t push him he has to want me to be there for him. I don’t think she will allow it.
They have been together 4 months now dating calling her his gf for about 1 1/2 months when the sleepovers started happening. They are inseparable. Like we used to be.
I don’t see him every day but enough to remind me what I miss, what I lost.
They say no contact gives ex time to miss you. The negative thoughts to be replaced by positive. I don’t know that it worked for me. I guess I should be glad he at least responded & didn’t ignor me.
Do you think the conversation we had made me appear to not be over him? Giving him a sense of power over me again? A boost to his ego?
Day 31 he came over to talk to me at work since I had broken the ice on day 29.
He started by saying he wasn’t feeling well at all. He feels bloated, his liver hurts, his back hurts,etc. He took the day off yesterday from work & slept all day. He will be going for 2nd opinion out of state to cancer treatment center of America. He will be going Sept 20-23 and she is going with him. He then tells me he wants to give me back my things. He wants his shop vac back. He asked me how the dating is going and how I was managing to cut the grass without the gas can. He said I could come over to pick up my things after work.
I went over there and said some things I shouldn’t have. Nothing mean really, just said some things that shows I’m not over him and he knows it. He said things just didn’t work out between us. He is happy in his current relationship he does not miss me or need me for anything. He didn’t say that but It’s quite obvious. He has no intentions on coming back to finish the house at all. That was my impression & with the way he feels right now I really don’t expect him to. He basically said he would take me to court for payment of all the work he has done once I sell the house. He has had my number blocked for the last 30+ days and to my knowledge has not unblocked it.
I need to give up and move on but its hard because I have no one & he has someone. She is always sleeping at his house during the week & he sleeps at her house on the weekends. I want so desperately for it not to work out. I think they have bonded so quickly it’s almost unreal. The only way I will get him back is if his relationship ends which I don’t see happening with his current medical situation. I can’t even express my feelings. I don’t believe this is happening.