I’d like to start off by thanking Kevin for this VERY helpful website; I had almost given up hope.
So, my situation is as follows:
My girlfriend (18) broke up with me (21) at the end of August because she said she didn’t have enough time for a boyfriend with everything she has going on in her life (school [1 hour drive away], clubs, friends, etc.). Note:(She told me as we were breaking up that she was considering asking me in a couple of months if we could move in together. Not what one would want to hear, right?). I tried to convince her to stay. I told her we could try seeing each other once a week and that I’d try my best for us. I tried everything (no begging). She asked me to respect her decision. Caring about her, I understood and didn’t want the breakup to be harder than it should be. I accepted defeat. I have no idea why we planned this, but we said we were going to hang out that Friday. It was actually her idea, too. Soon after, I asked her if she could really handle seeing each other on Friday. She said no, so we moved it back to the end of the month. During the week, we tried to be friends, but that did not work for me. I kept checking my phone all the time for texts from her, and I finally told her my worries about not being able to handle being friends. This is when we mutually decided to start NC. We haven’t spoken since, and it’s been 12 days since we spoke over text.
Note: When speaking of NC, we did not speak of ending the plans to meetup at the end of the month.
Now, for some insight:
Our relationship lasted 3-4 months, and in that time frame we became closer than we ever imagined. Always in sync, we were on top of the world. Communication: liquid. Fights: nonexistant. During these months I had different problems pop up here and there and she would give me advice. I would understand that the advice she gave was the right thing to do, but I didn’t go through with it. These problems kept piling up, and I became very unhappy with the person I was becoming. I told her this, and that is what I imagine caused her to end it. I fully believe that relationships are available to busy people. She probably, subconsciously, broke up with me because of my unhappiness.
I have followed this guide since a couple of days ago. On my whiteboard, I wrote my bad habits, things I need to do that are hard (Many of these things are the ones that she suggested, and I’ve completed MANY of them), life and career goals, relationships categorized by their priority of being maintained, finances, confidence builders, lifestyle changes, fears to overcome, and my inner and outer qualities. Alot, I know haha.
The thing is that I feel like I’m ready to show her who I’ve become. It’s only been 12 days of NC though. I fully believe, due to our syncing ability, that she is missing me as much as I miss her (and God do I miss her). I understand that if I don’t get her back then I made personal progress. This is a win-win situation, but in the end I want the bigger win. Don’t we all?
TLDR; Girlfriend broke up with me because she didn’t have any time. I believe it is actually because I was unhappy and her attraction level for me dropped so low that she couldn’t handle the distance between us. We planned to meet towards the end of September, and that was before we agreed on NC (we didn’t speak of ending the meetup). After 12 days of NC I believe, as an independent new man, that I’m ready and also believe that it has sunk in for her as well. Should I go the full 30 days or now?
