1 Great Date/Week After Then She Went Cold

no-contact-rule
1

I met this girl while on a plane and she gave me her number before we got off. She is 25 and I am 31. We live in different cities and it took 2 months for us to go out on our first date. Communication was minimal over the 2 months leading up to the date and focused on when we could get together. We completely hit it off on our first date and I ended up staying at her hotel. She wanted to go all the way but I respectfully declined her advances as I feel that sex on the first date can only create problems and that it shows respect for women. The week after we talked as much as our work schedules allowed. We talked about when we could see each other again, and things were going really well. She was supposed to call me one night and did not. I gave her a couple days because I thought maybe work had her exhausted and she needed some rest and time out with her friends. I texted her on the third day with no response and called on the fourth. Left a message and no call back or text acknowledging the phone call. The next day I texted her that I didn’t think it was going to work out. Again, no response. The day after that text I told her I was willing to talk about it and that a response would be appreciated regardless of nature but was understanding she did not owe me anything. No response again. I really did not want things to end and had let confusion get the best of me and text her again the following day stating that I regretted sending those texts and that I just wanted a chance to explain why I did. I apologized for bringing it on her and how I was hoping that she wasn’t ready to write things off quite yet. Again no response. It has been 3 weeks of no contact.

Some things I should state is that when I met her I fell pretty hard and decided to start making some positive changes in my life. Things that I believe created irritability with my confusion which caused me to send the initial texts. I have continued to make positive changes but still have feelings for her and can’t seem to get over her. I am also the type of guy that when I meet a girl I am interested in, I don’t attempt to talk to other girls or meet new ones. I don’t necessarily take the minimalist mentality as I realize there are plenty out there, but believe that the person I am interested in deserves my full attention. She was very aware of what I wanted and I felt like she saw that as a positive as she told me that was a very good quality for a guy to have. When I want something I try to go get it and maybe that comes off as needy/desperate at times.

I know we were in very early stages, but something seems different about this girl than the others I have met and I would like to rebuild some attraction with her. I will be where we met next weekend. A few questions I have to learn from mistakes and how I should handle it are as follows:

  1. Did I come off as needy/desperate by sending a text a day with no response?

  2. Would a memory text about where/how we first met be the best choice? (I was thinking this “Rushing to catch my flight at (airport name) and it reminded me of how we first met. How are you doing?”

  3. Would an elephant in the room text be the best choice?

Thanks in advance to anyone that replies. I have read some of the other threads and the advice I have read from some of you is very positive and encouraging and I am glad I stumbled upon this forum!

2

You didn’t do anything wrong about texting or calling to leave a message. The man is supposed to be the more aggressive one, but she has ignored you completely. Sounds like she was in a hotel perhaps because you live so far apart that she drove half way? She wanted to have sex that first night and I’m sorry to say that is probably all she wanted and she might even be “skank” so to speak. If you send a memory or elephant in the room text, that would come off as needy and desperate. You need to focus on yourself and date others nearby. Move on the best you can…

3

I appreciate your reply and honesty. She is a flight attendant and went out of her way to bid for a layover where I live. I will admit we were pretty drunk by the end of the night, but I had my mind set on not having sex with her because I believe it to be respectful. I know there are a lot of concerns about flight attendants having boyfriends all over the place, but she seemed very sincere in what she was looking for during the date. She was very interested in my life during the date and asked a lot of questions and stated that she was nervous but the butterfly kind of nervous. She even went as far to say that she was going to have to tell the crew she was working with that we had been seeing each other for awhile because she didn’t want to get a reputation like some female flight attendants do because I walked her to the lobby so she could get her on her shuttle to the airport. I guess the confusion I am dealing with is because of her sincerity and her wanting to come visit her where she calls home soon. I just figured what is the worst that could happen if I send her a text after 30 days of no contact, but you may be right. Just having trouble getting over her and the connection we made. In your opinion would it be alright to straight up ask her what her intentions were when she decided to make the effort to see me?

4

You could ask, but be prepared for her to ignore you again. But I really think it would be better to date local women… maybe someone who is a little older than 25 and stable.