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Sinead,
I hope your feeling better…. I completely know where your coming from on all this. I’m 1 1/2 mo of NC and still dont know what I’m going to do at the 3 month mark.
Few questions for you: How long did you guys date? Why didnt you send the magic letter (the plan) at the 3 month period?
Dara,
I don’t know if you’ve sent that letter or not… BUT DON’T!!!!
Write it for yourself and never send it.. Sending it is just giving her more power…. Fuck her.. she doesn’t deserve to know that you think about her that often.. She not going to care if your saying you’ve moved on.. cause she going to think, “then why is he still writing me a letter?”
Does that make sense?!?
Joe
Everyone and most importantly Dara,
A few things to update….
So although I’ve been doing slightly better these last few days, I took the advise of a friend and went to go see a therapist. YES!! a THERAPIST!!! Trust me, it wasn’t easy getting the nerve to see a therapist over an ex.
Let me tell you, it was the best thing I could have done for myself. (DARA pay close attention to this part, since our exes are similar) . I started to tell the therapist about my ex, about 2 mins into my description the therapist stops me and goes on to describe, (what she calls this type of relationship). As she begins, she is 100% describing my ex and the relationship we had. To the point where I stopped her and asked if she knew my ex. It was a 100 % detailed description of my ex and her personality.
I asked how she could so accurately describe the situation; her answer was as follows, “These types of relationships are very common. The type of person your ex is, is common in these types of relationships” She was able to say with certainty that my ex has a personality disorder similar to that of a narcissist, but for women she said they used a different term. These types of women, Primarily use sex and their looks to draw in a man. Often seeking confident and successful men, as its more powerful to pull in someone of that nature than it is to pull in someone who is weak and vulnerable. She compared her to a black widow; she also told me that she will never change. She said that, these women like to prey on confident guys and start to pick away till they make a hole at which they can attack ones self-esteem. It all stems from insecurities from within themselves.
Shes told me to let go and move on. she said that I should never contact her again and should she contact me, to just avoid her completely.
I told her that I just wanted closure and explained that our last conversation (last time seeing each other) was a huge argument that lead to the break up. she said, “what did you expect? A normal sit down at a coffee shop where you guys agree that things aren’t going in the right direction and that you guys should end things. Yeah that fine in a normal relationship with a normal person. But this is relationship is not that and there’s really no other way its going to end besides crazy.”
She called the relationship an “addictive relationship” and similar to an addiction to drugs it take approx 90 days to detox and begin to feel a change.
She warned me that I’ll mostly likely be contacted by her approx 3 months down the road. she said it happens just about the time when you start to feel that you completely over her. I told her that I can’t help but feel that I want that to happen (her to contact me). “it’s normal to feel that way now” she said. But when the time comes you should be ready to just ignore that contact and keep moving forward.
I mention that now if I don’t hear from my ex in 3 months that I’m going to feel shitty and depressed again.. She said, “Don’t feel that way, just know that she found her next victim.”
she said, “Look, I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, I’ve had clients where I was able to pinpoint the exact day that an ex would contact them. I telling you that she’ll probably be contacting you around that time. there’s more power in trying to get you back (someone who walked away, someone she is comfortable with) then it is to get someone else.”
She told me anytime I start to think about her that I should write down 3 negative things about her and focus on that. she also said that I should avoid talking about her. It doesn’t help the with the withdraw effects that I’m going thru.
Anyway….
I know I wrote a lot (with a lot of he said she said, SORRY!) but that’s just a bit of the detail she went into. Seem like a lot of what she said I already knew, but hearing it from a professional with technical lingo helped put things into perspective. Also, it entailed many aspects from the thing we’ve learned from this site..
Joe
DARA!!!I think you knew this was coming!! F*ck her bro! I think you now got the closure you needed.. She sounds like a bitch…
I didn’t want you going there anymore… but I know what you were feeling… You had to do what you had to do
I’ll post more in the man cave later today….
DARA!!!
I think you knew this was coming!! F*ck her bro! I think you now got the closure you needed.. She sounds like a bitch…
I didn’t want you going there anymore… but I know what you were feeling… You had to do what you had to do
I’ll post more in the man cave later today….
Daniel,
that’s perfect…
Wow! 4 months of completely NC?? How’d you do it? Man… I hope i get luck and have another chance with mimne
Daniel,
That’s the right choice….
My latest update can be found in the man cave … Today is rough one..
I’ll be online for a while, trying to stay busy
Joe
Dara,
I don’t know what to tell you… I think texting might be your best option… but don’t ask me… I’m having a bad Saturday and am considering going to my ex house right now…. and I’m only on day 33 of NC…
How many days of NC has it been? (of course i do remember the gym incident)
How do you know for sure she’s leaving?
Hey Everyone,
How are you guys doing tonight… Its another Friday and I’m feeling crappy and missing my ex..
I wish i could do that eternal sunshine of the spotless mind shit!!
just have her erased..
ALL,
From your experience here.. How many people have successfully got their exes back following the plan?
DARA, come one bro your a Vet. here……
forget about those things…Not worth more than $30 altogether.. It will just look like your trying to find a reason to contact her.
I have things at my exes house, I don’t think I’ll ever get those things back..
I too, used to cook for her all the time.. she hardly ever did.
Thank you so much you guys!!
But I’m really staring to feel that I’ll never heard from her again… That is, if I don’t reach out to her..
Another question for everyone..
So I’ve been going out on a lot of dates with different women; mostly to keep my mind occupied.. My question is sex… should I? should I not? what if she comes back and hasn’t been with anyone and I did or vice versa.
EVERYONE,
I Don’t mind you guys posting on this thread, Just as long no new threads (new cases) get flooded in.
Update…
I’ve been doing better…. still get the spikes in emotion that make me want to reach out to her… But I have managed to calm the mind when it gets to those points.
I haven’t driven by since Sunday.. and although it may not seem long; that’s a huge step for me..
I started going to the gym again and started reading RR.
A.Z,
Your right! I don’t know why I keep hurting myself. It makes me think of the relationship, how I tried to do everything and anything to make her happy; even if it came at the expense of hurting myself.. Not literally, but overlooking my own needs to satisfy hers..
Joe
*Hoping she’ll reach out to me sometime soon…. Tomorrow will be ONE MONTH of NC/breakup*
