My boyfriend and I were both in relationships when we met. I had no feelings for him during this time frame until both of us were out of relationships. He always flirted with me but I never felt same at the time. We also work together everyday which makes this harder.
We began dating for about a year and he moved in with me. We had a difficulties trying to adjust to the way the other lives but that’s to be expected and in time we learned to deal with each other’s quirks.
Things were also really good. His son also lives with us and he gets his daughter on weekends. We made the best of what we had… we built a family, my new granddaughter calls him papa and everything. Which makes it harder for the kids
We live in a small one bedroom apartment so it difficult to get our space. That was probably our first mistake. We should of gotten an apartment together as a couple. He never felt this place was his home.
We try to adjust as best as possibly
We had plenty of ups and downs throughout our relationship. Mostly due to my own insecurities
I always feared that we were too good to be true and that something would mess it up and it but a damper on my happiness
One night a few weeks ago we got into a fight and I found out he went to a females house to ask for advice about what was going on with us
I flipped out, I threw all his stuff out the door
He was crying and begging me to stop but I was seeing red and couldnt hear his words. I felt hurt and cheated. He begged me to go to the females house to see that nothing was going on but I refused. He took his stuff and left very hurt at my actions.
Few days later he came to talk and told me he was gonna start looking for his own apartment. I was devastated and begged him to stay. He told he will stay with me to see how things go but still wanted his own place that he didn’t feel safe anymore. I prayed everyday that he was here that he would change his mind. He began hanging out with group of friends and I began feeling him drift away. He was liking the single life. I am 46 and he is 43
and at this point in life I feel it also be part of midlife crisis
He began counseling and thats when I sensed him giving up totally
He just kept saying he wants his own place and needs a break
One day this week he came home and took all his clothes and some personal things and went and moved in with one of these new friends. I was crushed but calm. He says he still has love for me and always will but just lost the spark after the fight…
we talked a few times and he said right now he doesn’t want the responsibility of relationship. That he feels like a failure as a boyfriend, a father, and to himself. Our talks always end up getting him frustrated and I know it’s cuz I’m pushing too hard… I still sense his love and confusion but once he begins to show it, he quickly draws back.
It hurts also that now he is gone that I’m no longer part of his daughters life and he is no longer there for my granddaughter who adored each other.
I should also add and is a major part of break up is I broke his trust when he found out I tracked his whereabouts on my phone. I never did it before and promised him that never did but I knew the trust was already broken. I took him off my phone and even offered to go to cellphone provider to prove I could no longer have access to his whereabouts
He now is also accusing me of going on his Facebook and blocking people I didn’t like. I never ever did this, I have no access to his account and already promised that I would never do anything like that again…but I understood his mistrust. He sends me mixed signals, not about getting his own place. He is adamant about that but sometimes he will say maybe we can get bigger place together if things work out than he does a 180 flip around and wants nothing to do with me. I don’t wanna lose him. I should add that his ex wife had also done things like tracking his whereabouts and following his whereabouts. So I just added to fuel to this fire.
It’s so hard when a week before all this happened we were planning future and now it’s all gone.
I know the no contact rule is first step but my fear with that is that he already has insecurities when it comes to being pushed away or rejection. He’s had 2 mothers of his children just abandon him and when I threw him out it must of triggered those fears. What can I do to fix this!!
I need help… is there hope for us