Just wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this. After all I’d assume we’re all dumpees.
I’ve read many thread’s on this site and in some cases those who have got back together; it was the dumper who made contact first and in others it was the dumpee.
Logic dictates it should be the dumper as they’re the one who ultimately made the decision and have to realise it was a mistake. However, if they’re stubborn then that is less likely to happen. So should the dumpee make contact when they’re in a good place and right frame of mind?
Not looking for a definitive answer (there isn’t one) but more a reasoned debate.
I’ve been struggling with this one myself… In my situation, it was always me to reconcile “most” of our arguments. Part of the reason things went sour between my ex and I was that I always felt I put in 110% to making things work and I felt she put in 50%. She would be one of those head strong types and I would place her, on a scale of 1-10, on the stubborn scale… at a healthy 9.5. In the end, she was the one who said she was “just done”, so technically I am the dumpee.
A good majority of me says, “you need to let her realize she wants to be with you”. But, my experience with her is that she has a fear of being left and I fear if I don’t make contact with her and get the ball rolling after NC, I’ll never hear from her again. That’s my fear anyways.
In a way, I feel that if things were to work out for the long term between her and I, she would need to reach out and make the initial effort to reconcile. I feel given the fact she walked away from the relationship, for me to feel she wouldn’t do it again, she would need to come back to me. Eventually, will I make the initial contact? I haven’t made a choice about that at this point. I’m currently on day 13, so I’m almost half way there. We’ll see what another 17 days do to my decision.