Ok! So I dated a guy for 4 years…He was suuuuper inlove with me…His life was devoted to me! it became too much…I would often leave him than regret it…Anyways I ended up breaking up with him for good and he was so depressed about it…He would drive around my house everyday, leave notes, call my family members and my friends! by than I had a new guy…And that made him even crazier…After a while I decided to move to Louisiana he lives in Puerto Rico…And we never spoke again for 1 1/2 years…Anyways i broke it off with the new guy after a year into it with him…And came back to Puerto Rico…Not sure how he found out I was here but he started going around and trying to talk to me and whatever…We start talking after 1 1/2 years! his first words? I miss u and I love u…Than I find out he has been in a relationship for months with a girl he got pregnant…she got her pregnant 3 months into the relationship! he loves kids! he always wanted to be a dad more than anything…He tells me he settled for her because he knew he would not find another woman he loved as much as me he says…she is 26 with 3 kids including his…he only has 1 kid…Anyways i told him i didnt have feelinga for him anymore and he was crushed but he still wanted to atleast try and be friends…he would always tell me how depressed and stressed he was because he was so unhappy and felt so much pressure for his family and his baby mama…she did not work or have any family just him…eventually he left her and soon after me and him started back on…when she found out he was with me! all hell broke loose! she would threatend him! make him feel guilty for leaving “his family” let me say this woman has been pregnant 4 times from diferent men! anyways it became too much and me and him started fighitng about her all the time! and how he wanted to see his child everyday and she would not let him take her if he was with me…so we broke it off and he went back to her for 2 weeks and i guess couldnt take it anymore and called me crying begging me to take him back so I did thinking things werent going to get better pff…we dated fine he is soo great to me! he really went against his fam and even her to be with me but his mom being christian and all and his baby was the first grandbaby she wanted them together at all cost…he lost weight and all …he seemed always so sad…he says he would feel guilty being so happy with me but than he would miss his baby…me and him dated for a year while she tormented our life!! in dic she was kicked out of her apartment and his mom told her she could stay at there house! and she didnt care what my ex said…and thats what happend…when i found out I left him…he didnt want to break up but she was living there i felt uncomfortable! anyways we kept fighting…cuz he want to help her get on her feet but if she found out he was with me while she was there all hell would break loose again and she was gonna take the baby to a different to live with her parents…so its seems he sucked it up and just stayed with her and now they have been together for 1 1/2 months…I told him after i found out she was living there to not contact me at all or i would tell his mom and her they would give him such a hard time about being with me…i told him to stay out of my life and blocked all his phones facebook everything! and changed my number…he says he never loved her, that not even physical nothing…he said he loved her kids and that she had a family already but when he started dating her he still loved me…but he was with her for 1 year…sooo my question is…After he was with her for a year which she spent 9 months pregnant…was she a rebound?? or was I after her?? and is she a rebound again now?!? ohh lord…such a mess…realy answers please…me and him get along soo amazing he is my best friend.i had seen how there relationshop was she would beg him for atention…but man she has him so manipulated with his baby girl…is he with her for the baby? is she a rebound?
I don’t know that anyone in that situation is a rebound. I obviously can’t tell you for sure because I don’t know any of these people, but what I am seeing with lengths of time is that you left and did your own thing. He eventually found someone else out of convenience and whether he never loved her like he says is not something I can tell you, but she wouldn’t be a rebound at that point. She was either a means to an end for him or someone he fell for, I don’t know.
I know you really care for this man and you just want to be back with him, but heres the thing. That baby is always going to be there, always. The mom is always going to be there, always. For the rest of his life! And the mom will have control, unless he can get a custody agreement through the courts, for 18 years. I will never say you shouldn’t love him or try and be with him, but maybe this is a really good chance to sit down and think about what you want. Are you really prepared to spend a good chunk of your lifetime going through all this drama with everyone, him and the baby mama? I highly doubt she will calm down, unless she finds a new man and even then she might still use the child to have control over him. If things between you two don’t work out now, maybe several years down the line when you have gotten a chance to live your life separate from all the chaos you can come back to it. If he still has such strong feelings for you after all that time apart, maybe he will still be in love with you after you have been out in the world for awhile as well.
I would start NC to give yourself a bit of perspective for now and then go from there.
Would you mind telling me why his devoting his whole life to you became too much? I’m not saying you’re wrong or anything… but I feel like that’s part of why my ex left me. I just want to understand how she feels and why she feels that way… in my mind, she should love me more for being so devoted to her. I’m just confused…
he was really clingy…but after 1 1/2 apart he changed that now…he is more chilled