So I’m gonna try to sum it all up. My now-ex-gf and I met in August. Instant spark for both of us. We were long-distance, and started dating officially in mid-September, about a month after we met.
The relationship was magic. Of course, there were little things here and there but we worked through them together. We were a team.
So it came as a complete shock when she broke up with me out of the blue in November. Basically, I visited her family for Thankgiving, then her mom called her after we went our separate ways back home and voiced some concerns. However, it was my ex’s idea to break up.
She called me up immediately after a stressful but great few days together and broke up with me. I handled it well. I stayed calm and collected, and I didn’t beg or ask her to stay.
Immediately following the call, I didn’t contact her at all and I stopped posting to social media. I journaled a lot. Then that Friday, I received a letter from her that she wrote right after the breakup, basically comforting and encouraging me and apologizing for any pain she caused.
She texted me the next day. I responded, and it became a short but sweet conversation. Then we didn’t talk again until the next Saturday. I had written her a response letter basically telling her my intentions had not changed, and that I do accept the breakup, but that my commitment to her stands.
She said it hurt a lot to read the letter. She also said she didn’t mind that I felt that way, but that I’d need to conceal my feelings in order to maintain a friendship with her because it would be too painful otherwise. After that, we didn’t talk much for a while. And then the day after Christmas, we had a nice and long texting conversation. And then another one the next day. Then the third morning, she explained that she missed me dearly, too much to be friends yet. Then she suddenly stopped responding for another week or so.
Since then, I found this page. I also started rebuilding attraction through texts to the point where she was initiating almost exclusively. Don’t know if that was a bad thing. She had the idea of us Skyping, and we planned to talk last Saturday. But then Sunday last week, we had a somewhat pointed conversation. No fight, but it appeared to end poorly. We didn’t talk again at all until Friday, the day before we were supposed to Skype. I was going to text her to check in, but she texted me first saying not to do anything for her birthday or Valentine’s. I acknowledge her and then asked if she was still good to talk the next day. She said that she was busy and that we’d see. She sounded upset, so I decided to confront it head-on. I asked if anything was wrong. She then stopped responding for two weeks. She finally texted me with some nice conversation starters. I was busy and finally responded a couple days later and we had a nice and short exchange. Then I texted happy birthday to one of her friends that I had met once while visiting her. As soon as I did, she must have heard, and she immediately asked me why I was contacting her friends. I answered honestly. I clarified the misunderstandings and I clarified the misconstrued truths. I said I understood that she did not like it and that I would stop, even with birthday texts. I finished by asking how I can better respect her, and then she stopped responding again.
What do I do? I think a good approach now is to genuinely just keep things light and prove to her that I’ll be there for her no matter what. But I have a feeling her idea of me of me is changing into something creepy or annoying just because of these past couple conversations. Can I undo this? What is my best next step. I also want to make sure I come across as decisive and as a leader, because I feel like I lost confidence and independence toward the end of our relationship. I am cool and confident and strong. How can I ensure I come across this way? Maybe I didn’t spend enough time improving myself. Maybe I didn’t spend a long enough time doing no contact. Maybe I shouldn’t have voiced my current feelings. I feel used, but I know this is not her nature, and I am still interested in this relationship, even if it is years in the future.
What’s my next step?
