I’m 29 yrs old and my ex is 30. We broke up because of jealousy/trust issues. We have been together about 8 months. This is not the first time we broke up over this problem and I’m pretty sure he’s trying to teach me a lesson or not look weak in front of his friends and family by constantly getting back with me immediately. I’m pretty sure he also has been doing some reading on line and discovered this 30 day no contact rule. He has been ignoring my calls/ texts ect. I did make the mistake early on with the desperate please talk to me for 5 minutes please please please. Emotions were high and I made a complete desperate idiot out of myself. So I stopped contacting him. We recently have been talking small talk and we talked the other night on the phone over an hour and it went really well.
He says he wants us to both work on ourselves and then maybe have a possitive relationship after that. He’s my neighbor by the way. I hear him come home, not come home, company ect. This makes it much harder. There’s literally a driveway between us I can hear his car pull up and leave weather I want to or not. So the following night after our good talk we texted back and forth for a bit and I said gnight. After a few min. He initiated a conversation about how it’s hard to stay strong enough to not see me and sleeping alone will take some getting used to and one thing led to the next and he came over and we had sex;/. He did say just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean we’re getting back together and he said and we can’t be bad either but that obviously didn’t work.
Now today he’s back to the work on ourselves and be friends thing but he did txt me first tonight to say he didn’t want to walk past my house without saying hi. I told him I won’t wait around forever while he sorts out his feelings and he said I was giving him an ultimatum. I am so confused and aggravated with his mind games it’s taking a lot to not tell him to go screw himself and move out of this apartment and never look back. But I do want him back . Please help
I think you should just follow the no contact rule. obviously he isn’t strong enough to follow it. this will show that you will not be forever available to him.
i think men take us women for granted, they know it is much harder for us to move on, and keep us as Plan B to go back to.
Just saying hi is ok. answering texts like you guys are acquaintances is ok. but talking about sex and stuff, i think violates the no contact rule.
anyway, your situation is better than mine. at least he still wants you around. my ex asked for a break on dec 30, 2015, saying i love you, and on dec 31, 2015 he says i only see you as a friend. A week later he moves out of his parents house and is kissing a girl who could be mistaken to be me. he wanted a break from me after after acting cold towards me for 2 weeks. im pretty sure he is living with her now, and this is the girl im pretty sure he cheated on me with for about a month before he asked for a break. i can see the guilt and read through the lines of our conversation. his friend confirmed my suspicion. i did beg and plead but i realize I cant fix anything because once a liar and cheater, there is no guarantee that he wont do it again. this is the guy that liked me 2 years, was in a relationship with me for about a year, told me i love you within a week of dating, said one day he wants to marry me after 5 months of dating, and wanted to get engaged after 10 months of dating.
I think you have a chance because he still wants you and isn’t seeing or moving someone in to his house. i think giving him space will make him realize how he is missing out on quality time without you. while you are giving him space, focus on yourself. find happiness. when you are happy and fun around him, he will feel strong feelings of attractions to you, and i bet he will beg for forgiveness and ask to have you back 
good luck and i hope everything works out for you
Thank you for your reply, you are right I wish I saw this response see before I dug my hole any deeper. I just reposted another problem it’s titled Is it too late for the no contact rule? New strategy?
I did a repeat of what I did a few days ago, he invited me over and said he can’t shut his brain off and we had sex again. Ughh! Then he had to go to work and he admits to getting jealous when he sees me with guy friends and stuff but he said I scare him to death, what does that mean? He doesn’t want to get hurt? I just don’t kno if I’m buying it, then why not make me his again and call it a day, a lesson learned, getting over another relationship hurdle, aren’t these things bound to happen in the first year? You work through it, make corrections and move forward. Why does there have to be so much talk about being confused and weighing the risks with the benefits. What risks could be so bad that he would rather stay on the safe side of the street and pass up the possibility that we’re soul mates and I could be his happily ever after and he could be mine. Who wants to live with the big WHAT IF and have regrets all because they were to afraid of the outcome of things going wrong? Shouldn’t we take chances and risks for love, give it all you have and if it doesn’t work then learn from it, go through it , and move on. At least you know you did everything you could to make it work And if it ends in heartbreak then at the very least learn a few life lessons and you become a stronger/wiser person because of it. I just don’t understand his philosophy and what he means when he says he’s confused, I don’t like that word. I’m not detrimental to him in not abusive mentally or physically I never cheated on him or did anything he can’t forgive or forget, I’m pretty level headed I’m not gonna light his close on fire or kill him in his sleep. I’m not overly controlling or jealous or needy, I provide for myself never ask him for anything, I let him have his social life, I don’t stalk him or call him everytime he leaves the house or question him in where he’s going or where he is. I’m pretty down to earth and easy going. I don’t stalk him or try to get revenge and ruin his life when we break up. I mean, ppl have been confused for a lot more. It was an argument and a spiteful reaction to something he was doing that hurt my feelings and he acts like its something that makes him have to reconsider the entire relationship and reevaluate if it’s even in his best interest to be with me even though he says he still loves me. I deleted my Facebook because that was causing a lot of the problem but it’s not enough. So I’m left with the questions of why he chooses to even contact or see me at all and what I have come up with is this…(A) he is too proud to take me right back because that’s what he usually does and it makes him look like a punk in front of his friends who are more then likely encouraging him to move on.
(B) he is really confused on what to do because he fears if he proceeds with the relationship it could end badly , he could get hurt, or I can cause drama and chaos to his life and ruin his peace. ( he has quoted this to me a time or 2 before)
Or (C) he’s using me for sex and tells me what he thinks I want to hear and when he gets what he wants he goes back to the way he was before until next time.
or could he possibly just be soaking up the control he gets thinking he has the upper hand in all of this because he knows I want him. Ave and I was really hurt by it all and I acted so desperate in the beginning. I did correct though, as much as I wanted to txt/call I didn’t , as far as he knows right now i am just as “confused” as he is and I did tell him I won’t wait forever while he sorts his feelings out, I’m here now but I could be gone tomorrow so it’s a game and I’m waiting and trying to figure him out. I’m usually pretty intuitive and good at this type of thing, maybe better in other people’s situations , it’s always hard to take an honest look at your own situation.bit all boils down to the no contact rule I guess and it’s not easy but I’ve exhausted all other options at this point thinking I could find an easier softer way and I could not. This ncr has been tried and true and I guess I have nothing to lose by trying it out, the fact that he lives next door makes it very difficult when I live by myself and get lonely so much of the time, and when he texts at night it’s hard to stay strong.
How are you handling your situation? I am sorry to hear about him cheating on you and then having to not only deal with the pain of a breakup but to have to see him with another girl has to be too much to bare. At least there is hope for reconciliation after an argument or a breakup under other circumstances but an affair is a tough one to work through and forgive if he was even willing to come back. Then there’s the issue of trust and I’m not sure that can ever be completely restored. I always say cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. It hurts In a way that is so unimaginably hard and it’s such a selfish heartless thing to do to someone you supposedly love or loved. In my opinion i don’t think you should be wasting energy on trying to get him back because you deserve better and your right there is no way of telling of he would do it again as soon as the right girl and circumstances presented themselves for him. Loyalty and fidelity is not an easy thing to come by these days and it’s easy to lose hope in all men or any chance of a normal long term relationship some days, but other days I see hope for me , for you, and even for them! Lol. Some days it’s easier to see clearly what’s most important and other days it’s blurry and I’d rather burry myself in depression and friends reruns. Ourself is most important? No one will take care of you like you will. We have to love ourselves and know our worth. And I kno you are worth more then having to deal with being cheated on and get crushed even more watching him run into the sunset with his new lover and never looking back. One day he will miss you and think back what he had and how he messed it up and when he reaches out for you you will not be there. And he will realize you didn’t lose him he lost you and he will search for you inside of everyone he is with and you will not be found.
Making yourself better and happy and taking care of you is the best revenge and when you get to a certain point you will look down from the peak you climbed and he will look so small in comparison to how he looks now. I feel like these words are meant for you because they just flowed , I’m not a poet or great with words, so hold your head up and start your journey. You are the creator of your own destiny. No one else. Best wishes
Please be strong ok? Don’t let feelings take actions, let your self-love take it. That is what I am doing. You don’t deserve to be used, stressed by someone, and have doubts planted into you. From experience, the no contact rule works. I did it on my ex and within 2 days he would do anything to get me back. Good luck and best wishes to you too.
He says he didn’t cheat on me, not even once, but his friends and family confirmed my suspicion from the things that they said. He told his friend he broke up with me a month ago, and started going out with this girl from new years. And he asked for a break on dec 30, 2015, saying I love you, and on dec 31, 2015 he said i see you as a friend. He lied about many things, so I don’t believe him anymore. The connection that we shared was unique, and I know he won’t find it in another girl, even if she looks like me and has my short hair. Sometimes we would have tears in our eyes just by looking at each other, thats how deep our connection was. I saw every feeling, every thought in me mirrored in his beautiful face.
Thank you for making me see the light. I will always love my ex, even after the way he treated me before the break up. You know he would pressure me soo much to give him a blowjob, to the point where I had tears in my eyes and couldn’t look at him, so he wouldnt see the tears. He would push my head down, and i felt so humiliated. I said many times that I can not do it, it is not my thing, but he still pressured. After he asked for a break, I couldnt eat solid foods for 2 weeks. Couldnt even drink from a bottle. Yesterday, I was able to finally eat a meal and I am so proud of myself.
lol even his best friend told me to never get back with him, and to block him after he returned my money. I stopped talking to him since. I cant believe someone who told me i love you within a week of our relationship, then who said one day he wants to marry me after 5 months, and wanted to get engaged after 10 months did this to me.
I wonder if the blowjob is a factor, because he said girls at work offered, and he blamed me, saying he told them he had a girlfriend, like it was my fault for being his girlfriend. but i have been looking online, and i see that many women refuse to give blowjobs. it isn’t just me. and i am no less of a woman to refuse to give one. I had no problem turning him on. just kissing him would get him full blown hard. I am the type of woman who only engages in traditional sex. that is one of my values, and no guy will pressure me to go against it.