My ex and I are both college students and had been in a serious relationship for over a year. However, I personally come from a very religious family and once my parents had found out about the relationship, they very strongly disapproved (because he was from a different religious background) and immediately took action to try end the relationship. The stress from my family and church took a huge toll on the relationship; I would often act out because of the pressure from home and we started fighting often (usually over stupid things) because we were both so distressed all the time from my family/religion situation. Eventually I could no longer emotionally handle the family stress so I broke off the relationship. We both left the relationship extremely heartbroken and still wanting to be together but we both understood that circumstances did not permit so. Six months after we had broken up, things had calmed down a lot at home and my family situation had changed so that I was in better position to have a relationship without my parents/church interfering. This was essentially the “no contact” period. A week ago, I contacted him and explained how my family/religion situation had changed and that I still had feelings. He responded very strongly by telling me that he no longer wanted a relationship because of all the traumatic events that happened in our past- that he is unable to give us a second chance or a “fresh start” because he cannot dissociate me from all our past “baggage”. He said he wanted to move on to something (just not with me) because although both the situation and I had changed, I only remind him of the past and it’s too painful for him to start over. He then proceeded to tell me that if I wanted to continue contact with him, I had accept and respect that I he has “zero desire to be with me”. It’s apparent that we dealt with the trauma very differently: I tried to settle the situation at home and tried to analyze what went wrong and how we could have a better second chance. He actively tried to move on and claimed he no longer has feelings and does not ever want a relationship again because of all the baggage DESPITE the circumstantial changes and my attempt to “address the elephant in the room”. I understand that this site only addresses what steps YOU can do in terms of reconciliation, but I feel like it’s completely out of my control that my ex himself cannot ever emotionally dissociate me from the past trauma (even if I can for him). When I told a few of my friends about this, they were really shocked by how strong and harsh his response was. Everything that happened has been very traumatic for me but I’m trying hard to get my life back together and learn to be okay on my own. I was wondering if its even worth going through all the steps outlined on this site and whether there’s even a possibility of getting back together considering my ex’s response.
You can’t change his feelings. But he might need more time to think and reconsider. Don’t bargain with him anymore as you’ve said all you can. It might be worth it to go through the steps, but don’t get your hopes up to high. You don’t know what will work in your favor until you try…
Good luck.