I’m struggling with a recent break up…if that’s what you can call it. I’m really unsure if its over. I keep reading break up books and my situation doesn’t add up to any of the lists, suggestions, or calculations the books seem to offer. I want to know if I have a shot in hell of saving this relationship or if I need to pick up myself and move on. Here is the story. My boyfriend and I had been dating somewhat long distance ( 4 hour drive) for over 2 years when we broke up. I actually dumped him. Sadly I had pushed him away before so he told me to think about it because this would be the last time. I told him I didn’t want to think and I wanted to be done. Suddenly two days later I realized I made a HUGE mistake and started talking to him. We talked for three weeks, me begging pleading crying the works, and him saying he was done and couldn’t be with me anymore. I even asked if he had slept with someone else, he said he didn’t want to talk about it, but I pushed him and it turns out in the second week of the break up he had. He finally agreed to see me for closure on the third weekend of the break up. It was terrible and had no closure of course. There were HUGE mixed emotions from him. Saying he loved me over and over, kissing, telling me he’d miss me. Even that a part of him did want us to work out but that he couldn’t see the future. I begged and pleaded…he pushed back…it was terrible. He even ended up spending the night with me. The next morning he finally agreed that we would talk in 40 days, no promises for anything, but that he would talk to me then. I told him I would work very hard in those 40 days to get myself back and prove to him I deserved him back. A huge relief and maybe made me a little hopeful. He dropped me at my car, told me he loved me, and even said he hated to think it would be the last time he would see me. He started to offer a meet-up date but I told him that wouldn’t be good. He thanked me for being strong when he was weak. I drove home and started to feel so miserable I ended up calling him. We actually had a really nice talk and he admitted he felt lucky to have someone so willing to work for him and so in love with him. I hung up and felt good. Then panic set in because I started to wonder if he would get in a relationship in the next 40 days. I called him…again…and asked him to promise me not to. He got upset saying it wasn’t fair to make all these demands when he had already given me so much (true) and that he didn’t want to keep giving in. But he promised anyways and even said I love you first at the end of the call. I’m scared now for the 40 day mark. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and therapy work, I now realize due to an abusive past from my family I have a huge fear of commitment. It didn’t matter how much my ex proved himself or told me he loved me, my past still haunted me. I couldn’t just let go and enjoy the relationship. I was constantly planning and controlling, to the point where I actually mimicked some of the emotional behavior that had been put on me in the past. I truly want to make us work but I’m terrified its “too little, too late” I want to trust what he said when he admitted a part of him wants us to work. But I have to wonder if he was just being nice to make me feel better. I have 14 days left of NC and my therapist thinks I should just reach out now, but from everything I’m reading if I want any hope I should wait. Please help!
If your therapist thinks you should, maybe you should. When you contact him, just tell him you’d have waited the whole 40 days, but something important came up that you needed to talk to him about right away. And explain to him about how you’re going to therapy and how it made you realize your fear of commitment. Only if you feel like you’re ready to tell him though. If you don’t feel like you’re ready, wait out the last 14 days.
I’m just scared honestly, I’m scared he won’t answer or just won’t take me back. I’m so scared. I want him back so badly. We had so much going for us. It’s not like something really bad happened ya know? Do you think I have a chance?