@ChrisLovesChris thats right … That guy is awesome man who came suddenly to change our life to good and also great best … i feel so much different after hearing his words and now i believe in him and i believe in my self morethan any time … i can do it and everybody can … if it didnt happened we didnt lose coz we know we didnt give up and we wont
@JeanValins it takes repetition but I think I am finally learning
@ChrisLovesChris
I’m in the same boat as when you started. I feel constantly sick and as if my chest is being permanently squeezed. I can barely go a few hours without breaking down and crying. Less than two months apart and he is already seeing someone. I miss him so much & would forgive so much of what he’s done. I keep hoping she’s just a rebound and he will come back but I fear that he never will and that makes me hurt all over again. I can’t function anymore. It feels like I’m at a breaking point & can’t take much more. I have no interest in anything and have constant anxiety attacks. I’ve always had bad insomnia but I barely sleep or sleep all the time. When I’m awake I think about him, when I try to sleep, I think about him 
I try to distract myself by reading but my mind always drifts back to him being so happy with her. Even during our break up he said he loved me…now I don’t know if it was all a lie. Everything he’s said since the break up (about being alone) has been…what if everything during was?
I know I need to let go to start moving on but I don’t know how or if I want to because I want him to come back. My mind knows I deserve better but my heart refuses to listen. At least until we’ve had a chance to work things out and try again. 30 days of NC isn’t nearly enough for me. I need to let this (hopefully) rebound relationship play its course but I don’t know how to cope in the meantime. Or whether he will contact me when/if it ends.
Sorry for the rambling post.
Heather if you want help I am there to help you.
@HeatherJane82 my heartbreaks all over again reading what you wrote. I wish I could give you a hug. Please write to Merchaunt and listen to him…he is incredible…
And any time you want to write in my thread please feel free and we will keep each other company. I wish I had good advice but can only hope to comfort you with saying I know exactly how you feel and it’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
@Merchaunt I sent you an email earlier, not sure if it went through.
@ChrisLovesChris I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t handle this. Everyone tells me to be strong and in the past I have been but this one…I don’t know why this one in particular has ripped me apart. It feels like something inside has died and I don’t know how to cope. I’m not as strong as people seem to think I am. I just made an appointment to talk to someone but I don’t think that will help. I’ve tried it before and just the other night ended up calling the crisis line (not exactly suicidal but incredibly overwhelmed and feeling like I’m having a breakdown). While they listen, its the same old stuff that just sounds trite and right from a textbook. I already know all these things, that time will help, that I need to keep myself busy etc. What I need is coping strategies that I can use to help the way I think and change patterns of behaviour instead of just diverting my attention from it by keeping busy. Otherwise its always going to be there. Plus I’m scared about talking to someone as I tend to make it seem like I am strong and ok with things since I don’t like anyone seeing otherwise.
I keep thinking to myself that it should be me with him. Being taken on romantic weekends etc. I don’t understand how he could just out of the blue leave me and feed me lie after lie after lie. I did absolutely nothing to deserve this. I can’t do anything about him aside from let it run its course but its killing me. To an extent literally, the way its affecting me physically. We were talking marriage and even trying for kids towards the end and then he was gone. Now on to someone else and so incredibly happy. I would give anything (except my cats ;)) to be with him again.
Will guys @Merchaunt Is really great awesome guy if u havnt spoke to him yet you should start now … if you need any help to make u feel better i am always near my phone so you can email me at : [email protected] i will be there for u… but again i wont be the same strong advice u will hear from @Merchaunt i am just gonna make u pass the time in NC if u havnt done it yet
@HeatherJane82 Believe me when I say, I know exactly how you feel. If dying of heartache were actually possible, this is how it would be, and we are the closest to it. I couldn’t go to work for two days…I barely ate anything and lost three pounds in just a few days. Any time I did eat something it just sat in my stomach like lead and I felt like I would throw up. I tried to talk to a priest (and I never go to church) and I also tried calling a crisis line but it was after hours… crying hysterically in my car morning noon and night…everything that you describe, the stomach in a constant fist, not sleeping, the constant panic and anxiety, the feeling of not being able to go on…I lived it all. I also do not know why this one affected me this way. I have never experienced anything remotely close to this. All I know is I never want to feel that again.
I definitely believe though it is exacerbated by not talking to anyone. In my case I couldn’t because no one even knew about my relationship plus I didn’t have anyone who would care enough anyway. I thought about seeing a therapist but I knew how that would go. I wasn’t interested in someone telling me to give up and classifying me as this person with non existent coping skills. Keeping busy isn’t the answer when you can’t even think and when all you do is stare off into space thinking about him. Being here though, is the beginning of your recovery…and for starters I hope you will type everything that comes to mind, even if it’s just to say you can’t go on and wish you were dead (I did) and cry until it feels like you can’t anymore…we are always here, especially in my thread here, there will be no talk of giving up. Once you are stabilized you will be able to formulate a plan. I hope you have reached Merchaunt by now…that will be your turning point, believe me.
PS I have cats too…7 of them
Thursday…the mornings aren’t so bad anymore, now that I have a new doorway. But I still miss him so much. The road back seems so long, and so treacherous. I won’t let that stop me though. Nothing that is really worth it ever comes easily, does it.
I wish I could go back to exercising daily and doing more things to gain my strength back but I have been so tired…I start falling asleep before 9:00 p.m. It doesn’t help that work has been horrible and exhausting - that is a big obstacle, because when I get agro at work, then I become more prone to slipping into negative thinking. I just wish everyone would leave me the hell alone
@ChrisLovesChris i feel i am not the same guy … and day after day i am getting better … i hope i wont do mistakes again or thing with my heart only … damn life sucks sometimes hahahaha
@ChrisLovesChris & JeanValins I’m glad you guys are doing better! I on the other hand keep feeling worse and worse. I do wish I were dead but would never do anything to myself…again, couldn’t leave my cats, as cheesy as that sounds. They’re the only thing that’s somewhat helped me. It has only been 5 days since I found out they were together but time passes by so slowly. I don’t know how I’m going to wait out the months, possibly year or whatever it may be that they’re together Even writing this I feel my throat closing up and my hands shaking. I don’t know how much more I can take but as you said Chris (sadly, his new gfs name is Chris too ) its a long, long road.
I don’t understand how he could just leave me out of the blue, 5 days before Christmas (& over text too) and not even two months later be seeing someone else and seeming so incredibly happy. I didn’t do anything to deserve this pain, the only thing I’ve done is love him. Sure I’m not perfect but neither is he. He has major issues and is taking a lot of them out on me I think but that doesn’t change how much I love him. And I don’t love or trust easily. It took me 7 years after my first love to find this again and its ripping me apart
Sorry if I repeat myself from my previous posts.
I wish I could have 7 cats! Where do you live that allows you to have 7? I only have 3.
I can’t even bring myself to sit or use what was ‘his’ side of the bed. its like my life is paused until he comes back…if he ever does.
@Heatherjane82 hey there … i have posted my email 3 days ago i guess so u can email me if u need any help … I will do my best to cheer u up … i know how you feeling right now and i was there too … i can tell i got way better but still sometimes i go really emotional … its just time and i hope she change her mind and look at me once again …
Hey guys…this weekend I laid around and did pretty much nothing. It was nice in a way. I’m trying to be kind to myself.
@HeatherJane82 I can’t remember how I came across it, but I wanted to ask…do you know if maybe your ex was a narcissist? I was reading this forum over the weekend where people who had been involved with narcissists were talking about all the things they had been promised, and then they were just discarded. It made me remember the things you said. Maybe look into it - it would be a good starting point.
I hate my situation but I often think how awful it would be to be like the many stories I read where people say the relationship was awesome, they never fought etc. and their mate just dumped them out of the blue. It must be so confusing and horrible.
@JeanValins how are you doing?? I’ve only been away a couple of days and it feels like forever…
Hi ChrisLovesChris, I understand a lot of your feelings and am in a very similar situation (if you want more info the URL for my post is: https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/my-ex-is-completely-ignoring-me/). Because I have depression I started taking anti-depression meds, and one of the side-effects is an increase in anxiety. I have had many days where I felt on the verge of a panic attack, I couldn’t eat for weeks and I always felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t concentrate on any work when I felt this way, and tried to distract myself with fun activities - it worked a little bit.
The only days when I feel good is when I have a plan to get my ex back and I can follow that. A good way to occupy your time is to focus on self-improvement. Do things that you think would make you look attractive to him, and you will feel better about yourself. Try picking up a hobby that you could entertain him with, or make things for him. Anything you think will make you look like a catch to him will make you feel better about your chances of getting him back. Hanging out with people can ease your loneliness, as well.
Since it seems that the problem in you relationship was the fighting, work on that the most. Go over past fights in your head and see where he was right or you were being stubborn, and figure out how you want to act in the future. If he got angry a lot, keeping calm and apologizing, even for something small, can really cool a steaming temper. If you would yell at him, practice keeping your cool and having civil arguments instead of angry fights. Methods to practice this could be going over times when you lost your temper, acknowledging why you got angry, and know to not get mad in the future if a similar thing happens. You could also make up a conversation you would have with him and recognize where you would normally get angry. You could even have a friend to practice with. Have that person pick a side on a topic that you don’t agree with, and then try to compromise without being too stubborn or caving in to their opinion. This way, you can get real practice not getting angry or yelling, and work on figuring out where the other person is coming from and understanding them, which is a really great skill in a relationship.
I just realized that there are 155 posts ahead of me, and I only read the first page xD. Sorry if what I had to say is no longer applicable.
@tighem not to worry, everything you’ve said is relevant…and I always appreciate the company. You’re right about how having a plan is what helps one to feel better. That’s what I focus on, more and more each day. At first my mind would swirl with all these doubts, questions and insecurities…now the moment I feel them creeping in I just squash them. You have to keep on believing anything is possible because it is. Everything will fall into place in an unexpected and special way - I let that fill me up until I feel like it’s a magnet pulling in energy from everywhere.
Yesterday I dragged myself to the market pretty much for the sole intention of buying bananas for my morning smoothie blends. I went close to closing time…all the bananas there were solid green, making it pointless to buy any. I was so disappointed. I went about and picked up a couple of things…then after I put something back I passed by the fruit section again - one of the stock guys had opened a box and was hanging up clusters of perfect yellow bananas. Happy, I took a bunch and went to the cashier.
That is going to be the metaphor of my life
Will i dameged every chance i got , so i am coming with dangrous idea called fake give up … i told her i gave up on her to let her rest her mind that i wont be around her anymore … so later on maybe gonna find away to text her or visit her … i dont want to apdo anything atm … maybe gonna give it few weeks or few months
how about u ?
I read the rest of the thread and I’m in the same place you’re in… we broke up exactly five months ago and I’m ready to do anything for her but now I’m just waiting in hopes that she’ll break up with her new boyfriend and/or contact me. I don’t want to do anything that will ruin my chances of spending the rest of my life with her. Also that anecdote is so symbolic QQ. I hope your life keeps going like that - I’ve noticed that sometimes things like that do seem to show you how your life is going to go!
P.S. I think I’m going to try and talk to Merchaunt… I wonder if he can help me