Hello there!
I was broken up with about a month and a half ago right before Thanksgiving, our anniversary, my birthday, his birthday, and all other Holidays after almost 2 years of dating. I did some begging, but mostly because I was confused. My ex (so weird to say) lives an hour and 45 minutes away from me. We had spent the weekend together at his place and everything went perfect. I came back home on a Tuesday and on that Tuesday night he called me to end things. We had spent 3 great days together and he didn’t mention anything, even though I asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He said that he doesn’t see a future with me because he doesn’t want marriage and/or kids. I’ve never pressured him into any of that. Mostly because we’re both enrolled in Masters programs and getting that out of the way was our priority. That and traveling; those were our two main goals. I don’t want to assume anything but he just turned 26, just started his graduate program, hates his job, hates that he lives in the middle of nowhere, his family and friends live 2 hours away and I was far from both locations. He might have felt overwhelmed? I don’t know, I can’t just assume. After that phone call, I didn’t contact him for 2 weeks, I broke down and called him. I was still confused about his answers, he talked to me like he didn’t care. “We’re just not meant to be,” he said. We hung up. I texted him, saying that I want certain things back and that he just proved to me that he never cared about me. He called me 3 times after an hour of that text. I picked up. He was very mad that I didn’t give him the respect he gave me to by not answering his call. I explained he was the one that broke my heart. Anyway, we talked for an hour, it was a good talk. We were making each other laugh. We agreed that he would contact me sometime in January to meet up and exchange our belongings. I haven’t talked to him for almost 30 days. I texted him yesterday to let him know that I’m not ready to meet in January. My therapist said he had too much control over me. He said if he could still drop everything off, I said no and he said okay. I don’t want our first meet up to be because we have to exchange our belongings. Due to him being so prideful and stubborn, I don’t think he will ever have a change of heart. He hasn’t tried contacting me since the break up or shown any desire in getting back together. Should I just forget about the possibility of getting back together or continue having hope?
My situation is very similar to this. After a great weekend and awesome two years of my life she dumped me with little reasoning right after Halloween and has made no attempt to talk to me and when I call she acts like she hates me and is very short with me. I am extremely heart broken as well and don’t know whether to have hope or just forget about the best two years of my life
One thing that jumped out to me was the fact that he was angry because you didn’t pick up the phone when he called. For all he knows, you could have jumped in the shower or something. Anyway, years ago I had a boyfriend who got angry if I didn’t answer the phone or called him back a couple of hours later. I was always made to feel like I had to give him a reason for doing or not doing things he thought I should or shouldn’t do or say. He was impatient and controlling. Over time I became miserable due to his behaviors. The best thing I ever did for myself was to break up with him.
For now, you have to accept and respect his reasons for breaking up. Yes, he’s probably overwhelmed with things and depressed. There are some things he could change that might make him feel better; such as the job and perhaps move closer to family and friends. But right now, he seems adamant about his decision to part ways.
If you’re not ready and can’t muster the courage to meet up to exchange belongings, then wait a little while, but best to get it done as soon as you’re ready. It will most likely be an awkward meeting, but try to remain calm and polite. Maybe in the meantime he will change his mind, but don’t get your hopes up too high. Don’t give up hope yet, even if the meeting doesn’t go well. Sometimes it takes a while for a guy to miss you and regret his decision.
@RyanG, I freaked out little because your name is my ex’s name and I was like what in the world are you doing? I’m sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. It’s a terrible experience when one thinks everything is so perfect and moving in the right direction and then have it all crumble down. Hopefully things turn around for you.
@patricia12 thank you so much for your advice. I don’t think he was ever controlling or is aware that he may be doing it, but that is one quality I know too well from another ex and I am never going back to that. I do accept his reason. I think that the way he went about the break up is what bothers me the most and impedes me from moving on. That and I obviously love him. I did mess up the whole NC thing all over again. I drove to his place yesterday because I wanted to show him that I’m willing to prove to him how much I love and care about him. He was at his parents so I didn’t see him. But we exchanged a few messages and of course he was confused as to why I drove almost 2 hours to see him. Him being short and not showing any emotions triggered me, I kind of went off on him. I didn’t cuss him out or anything. I just said he that he doesn’t deserve me or all the love I have for him because he had said that he doesn’t deserve not not know what I had deserved. I was confused and upset that he he thinks he deserves something from after he broke up with me. Anyways, I appreciate all your feedback.
@Jenram - OMG, you drove 2 hours uninvited to “prove” your love? Please stop chasing him! He told you he didn’t think you were meant to be together. If he changes his mind, he will tell you. I know you said he’s stubborn, but a man that’s truly in love would try to get you back. If he doesn’t, you have to accept that he meant what he said and move on with your life. The best thing to do for now is to contact him when you’re ready to exchange belongings. Let him drop the things off at your place if he wants to…
You wrote: " he had said that he doesn’t deserve not not know what I had deserved. I was confused and upset that he he thinks he deserves something from after he broke up with me." Can you rephrase this? It doesn’t make any sense.
@patricia12 Yeah I know it was pretty pathetic of me but it kind of helped. I haven’t tried to contact him or do anything. I’ve just been focusing on me and trying to just move on. I don’t think that this “program” would work for me. I miss him but I shouldn’t be the one trying to make things work. Like you said, if he wanted to, then he would have done so already. I’m so sorry. I must’ve been shaken from it all. He said that he doesn’t deserve me telling him what I deserved. I was confused as to why he would say that.