Very true! she never replied to me saying i was going to bed. the only thing i can think of is that it upset her. that or she doesnt care. which doesnt make much sense. unless shes only being friends because shes realised she told me stuff i could use against her. i dunno. i know shes having a hard time.
she liked something on facebook saying ‘whatever youre going through right now will be over soon. you have to look after yourself first. Stay strong’. and it has a pic of a girl crying.
other than that, shes active on dating sites which kinda suggests to me the guy shes seeing isnt going that great.
I think ill wait til she talks to me again. she said she wants to be friends so that should happen. maybe not. im going to look at new cars today… was thinking of sending her a pic of the ones i like asking her opinion. i dunno though. it does worry me she hasnt replied. i hope shes safe and okay.
you know she cares, and she’s agreed to being friends. The other “hard times” are for her to figure out. I’m no expert, but i’d say asking her opinion about a car could be taken as needy. Like you’re trying to please her, or can’t make up your mind without her.
I would think if she’s talking to you, and she’s active on dating sites, the other guy is on his way out. But you have to show her that you’re what she wants. Keep building yourself up. She’s gonna struggle a LOT, and you have to let her. Like you said in an earlier post, you have always been there and always fixed her. You’re a safety net, and she knows it.
thank you, i think you’re right. i hope the other guy is out of the way. i know she could meet someone else but that guy, being a dealer is no good for her. i think she thinks shes addicted. i can see her web searches and a lot has been about that. I told her if she ever was to do it, to do it with me as i have a good handle on myself and i know when enoughs enough, and i have her interests at heart. i always told her i wasnt going to stop her from doing what she wants and that ill support her and try to make sure things go okay. i said that to her when i saw her, that there was a reason i said only do it with me and thats shes probably figured that out by now. she didnt say anything. i wonder if she wonders how i did it. i used to be like that with smoking, but its been a bit of a crutch for me lately. i know i still have work to do.
i think she knows im perfect for her, shes always said it so i think it’ll be hard to beat, she hadnt met anyone she liked better than me in the 4 years we have known each other. we made each other laugh and understand each other, pretty much the opposite sides to the same coin, so to speak. how ive had rough times and so had she and we can and have worked through them. she always said she likes how defined my body is, like i actually have knees and ankles that look how one would imagine. pretty lucky with my genetics. LOL i know that physical stuff doesnt matter but plays a part. but i suck at meeting people. im either too forward or too reserved… i like being honest. most people dont seem to like it.
its hard being friends now though, we had always been coupley, before we were together so friends had always meant something different, so i dont know what she expects and i dont know how to be ‘just friends’ with her… we’ve had such great times together.
so you can “see her searches”? That’s kinda scary. But let’s address the big pink elephant in the room. Whether you can control it or not, you’re still part of her addiction, and there might be some false perception on your part. You may have control now, but there’s no guarantee on the future. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and will be the rest of my life. The only control I have is NOT to use. I said it once, but this program may be out of the scope of what you really need. Sure, the strategies can be used, but if you’re not addressing your (and her) inner problems, you may damage each other even more.
If she was to get help without you, on her own, how would that effect you? You said you “told her to do it with you, only you had her best interests at heart”. She may be hearing something else, since you introduced her to it, how do you have her “best interests” at heart? When you “reminded” her you were the person she should use with (not others), if she thinks she’s addicted, you just reminded her you’re part of the problem, AND you re-enforced other perceptions.
:\ you dont know me as a person and youre placing your personal experiences onto me. I never had a problem. it was just new experiences and fun. If she got help by herself, i would love that. I didnt exactly introduce it to her. like was stated before, she had other people give it to her before me. she wanted to do it with me, and this was years ago. we hadnt touched it since. i said once because i didnt want it turn out like this. its not my fault others cant control themselves. Theres no way i am or ever have been addicted. As far as she knows, im the only person she knows that could ever give it up.
I know its scary, but i care about her and want to make sure she doesnt go off the rails any more than she has. I mentioned before i wasnt gonna stop her from doing what she wants to do. whatever it was. id just be there to support her, to make sure nothing goes wrong and she didnt get into the situation she is now. her bloody ex before me is the one that started her on it in the way she is now. I didn’t remind her im the person she did it with. I told her it would be unsafe to do it with other people. that other people would use it and her to their advantage.
i wish i didnt care so much. i feel like i have to look out for her to make sure she doesnt do anything stupid. but i know theres nothing i can do. she made a new email address and im worried about whats shes doing with it for a few reasons;
the profile pic is very provocative.
she was looking at substitutes for meth.
and she was googling female escorts.
I hope she thinks about what shes doing. i pray to god that she gets in a good place. id give anything for her to be okay
I am no expert, but it is easier to see the big picture and get a gameplan when you dont have feelings involved
If it was me, from now on I would lay low.
Reply kindly to her texts
Let HER start the conversation everytime
Make sure YOU end the conversations everytime
End the conversations BEFORE she gets cold/distant
Stay away from emotional/sensitive topics unless she starts it and wants to talk about them
Keep all talks on a friendly level. Let HER be the one that brings "I miss you" into the conversation. Let HER be the one to suggest to meet ect
One thing to consider: She has a new guy now. Maybe she is feeling quilty for talking to you. Maybe the conversations turns cold because she felt quilty for talking to you, or maybe her guy came over and she needed to end the converation… Just a thought… But dont overthink it. I bet if you ask her she doesn´t even know why herself…
And remember: You are the winner! You are an Alphamale! Your life is amazing!
Always be happy and upbeat when you talk to her. Let her want to be part of your amazing life and your happiness…
Thank you, your replies are so much help! it is good to have a game plan and i have thought about it too, and i plan to do exactly what youve said as thats the same conclusion ive come to. I’m not sure if she has that new guy now, but i guess it doesnt really matter.
the fact that shes
looking for substitutes for the drug when he was the dealer,
has started using online dating/meeting sites more again and
she told me she was alone last night and she has a friend over tonight, which she posted on facebook (i know the person, they actually helped us get back together before),
suggests to me that she isnt quite involved with the guy as she used to be. but that does worry me. at least i knew what was going on before. now I… have no idea :\
and thank you. theres no way i show her im upset, even when i saw her and she told me about what was going on and about the guy she was/is seeing… im pretty good at hiding how i feel, but i genuinely do mean what i said to her about as long as hes good to her and that i want her to be happy, even if its isnt with me. I do feel like my life is amazing and ive been so lucky. I am adaptable and in control.
thank you for listening to me rant. i truly do appreciate it. youve been a great help and if i can return the favor, i wont hesitate to do so.
i would like some advice on whether i should message her to see how shes doing… when i saw her accidentally, she told me she was kicked out of home. then when she messaged me i asked if she had found a safe place to stay and she told me she was at her mums as her mum was away for the weekend. i asked if they made up and she said not yet. i want to know if she is still there or not as it is probably the best place for her… should i message her to see how she is and ask if shes staying there? does it matter? i know i should let her message me… but i care.
I dont think you should message her. but if you feel like you should then go ahead. if you want just ask her if she found a place and thats it. keep us posted.
I understand you still care for her. But no, you should not message her… If you should run into eachother again you could quickly ask her about it before moving on…
