Hi my name is lee basically I have been with a girl 5 years and 2 years ago I made the worst mistake of my life and cheated when drunk I no that’s no excuse but we had argued and I made the mistake she split up with me for 4 months and then contacted me we got back together been great for years some problems but nothing major December 3rd last year we had an argument and I pushed her not got her I would never do that even tho pushing is not something you do to a women and she broke up with me and kicked me out for a month I did all the things you don’t do I rang and pestered a lot cause my head was all over the place last week she answered for the first time leave me alone o hate you and have to get over you and blocked me from all social media and changed her number so for the last 5 days I have started the no contact for 30 days and I no I don’t deserve a chance for her to take me back but should I carry it on or have I done to much wrong to stand a chance I’m not a bad person I just had a lot of anxiety issues that made me a different person and I am at councelling now to help that so basically just want to no because of the month pestering am I to late to start the 30 day thing and I no it sounds like we were a bad court or but we had some amazing times including the best holiday ever just 3 months ago any advise would be very much appreciated .
Nobody out there to talk
There is no excuse for cheating or physical abuse! I’m glad you’re in counseling because it will you to learn how control your anxiety and emotions properly. Some guys who resort to yelling, pushing, or hitting take anger management classes or group therapy which might help if you feel you need more help for your behaviors. You included the words “kicked me out”…did you live with her? When was the break up? She is probably angry and maybe afraid of you too and wants nothing to do with you. There’s no way to know if she would ever give you another chance, but the no contact will give you time to work on yourself and there is no quick cure. You will need to make the changes over time which will take much longer than 30 days. Take care of yourself Lee, and continue counseling. Focus on yourself for the time being…
Thank you and yeah we loved together for 5 years and I would t say she is scared of me she knows I have never got physical in my life I’m not a angry person and she knows that it was more a little little nudge out the way I would never hit a women
And we broke up at the start of December so just over a month ago but I rang a lot in the first month only this week have I started no contact and I’m not defending myself but she knows I’m not an aggressive person I never ever get angry and I hate myself enough for the cheating cause I have never done it to anyone before and this time I got stupidly drunk and made the worst mistake of my life
@braveheart1 - Glad to hear you’re not a violent guy! So you lived together 5 years and now you moved out or did she? Don’t beat yourself up over the cheating. Being drunk lowers inhibitions and temptation can seem stronger. Just do everything you can to avoid getting into a situation where you might be tempted again. It would take a long time for a woman to get past the hurt of a cheater and to build up trust. There’s almost no such thing as minor problems, the trick is to work through them promptly together in a way that’s satisfactory to both so as not to build up resentments. Continue working on your anxiety issues and continue no contact.
I hope you two will forgive each other and get back together someday:)
From a ladies point of view does this no contact really work we had a great relationship but all I keep thinking is she is going to forget about me in this month even tho I no she loved me deeply
@braveheart1 - No contact is the time for you to make changes regarding your own behaviors that contributed to the break up. In that time she might miss you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to get back together. I can assure you that she will never forget you.
I just reread your first post and it seems she “kicked you” out, so I’m assuming you’re the one who left the house? Are you living in the same town now?
What you need to do now is to work on your anxiety issues and don’t contact her for at least a month or more. She asked you to leave her alone, so respect her request. Right now she’s very upset and if you contact her too soon, it will aggravate her and push her further away. Give her time… and good luck.
Yeah we live in the same town but I have not seen her and not made any contact in 7 days now I’m just worried the first month of ringing has pushed her to far and she won’t miss me atal but I suppose everyone in my situation and I am going to get my anxiety sorted cause I think that is the main reason for the way I have been and I need to sort myself out even if I never get her back .
@braveheart1 - Calling her so much that first month probably annoyed her, but the important thing now is continue no contact and sort out your anxiety.
Last question then I will crack on trying to sort myself out from a women’s view could that month push someone to fall out of love with you ? Last question I promise ha
@braveheart1 - When a woman falls in love, it takes a long time for those feelings to fade. You’re doing no contact in order to sort yourself out and work through your anxiety issues. This is a positive step in the right direction and will serve you well in the future, whether that’s with her or someone else. You can post here to give updates on your situation or ask questions as often as you like. The site is here for that very reason, to try and help people:)
I have a question: What are you anxious about and how is it manifested? Continue with the counselor and take the advice you’re given there.
You’re only a week into no contact, so you have several more weeks to go.
I have suffered from anxiety for many years endless trips to hospital thinking I’m having a heart attack or cancer or anything in and out of councelling and all sorts of different medicines and when me and my ex were very very happy this year I work over and over In my head that it won’t last and something will go wrong it’s like one big circle it does my head in so as you can see how I think that’s why all I can think at min even tho I need to work on myself I worry she will get over me In This no contact time , I have a strange chain of thought for everything .
@braveheart1 - Sounds like panic attacks maybe caused by anxiety and depression. The first thing I would suggest is to stop drinking. My sister was happy until she started drinking and it changed her personality. She became depressed about everything and would dwell on negative things from the past. Also if you’re “doing drugs”, even marijuana, stop and recover from those things. If you can’t afford a psychologist or psychiatrist, group therapy for anxiety or depression might help. It seems you probably sabotaged the relationship you were in due to your negative thinking which was shown through your words and actions. I pray you will get the appropriate help you need and that it will be effective…
Yeah I definetly sabotaged it with how I think and now I’m scared I can’t reverse it my ex knows I’m not a bad person and have a few problems but with been blocked and cut out her life she can’t see I’m doing everything to change it and never took drugs in my life and I have stopped drinking even tho I am more a weekend drinker than all the time
Since she doesn’t want you to contact her, please make serious efforts to get help for your thinking patterns. It will take some time and then later on, if she agrees to talk to you or see you, you can show and prove those changes. For now, it’s important to focus on yourself and try not to worry about the future. By the way, my sister started out as a weekend drinker. She spent weekends alone because people didn’t want to be around her as she displayed so much negativity. Her friends got tired of it and knew they couldn’t help her. She had to help herself.
I am going to to that like I said before i am just worried she is going to fall out of love with me while I am doing it cause I no it will take me a while , I will stop bothering you with my problems now thank you
@braveheart - Think of it this way, she doesn’t want to be with you now the way you are so making improvements is a giant positive step. I know you’re concerned she is going to fall out of love, but love does not fade away quickly. Please try to stop thinking about her and think about you and the changes you want to make. When you’re better and in control of your emotions and behaviors, she might want to reunite or she might not. No one can predict the future. We all have to take it one day at a time. The most important thing is you will feel better in the long run.
I understand what you mean and as much as I miss her I am going to leave her and sort myself out so thank you for taking the time to answer me very much appreciated .
@braveheart1 - You’re welcome and I pray all goes well for you.