Well… my ex-girlfriend dumped me last week over trivial issues; she wasn’t being clear about it until she told me that her ex-boyfriend had sexual relation with her on day 1 of our break-up (red-flag for relationship rebound). I told her (excessively in some way) that I still love her very much; kindly reminded her that I was there for her the whole time while she was in relationship with her abusive ex-boyfriend for nearly a month after she got back into relationship with him. She went through hell and I pulled her out of it for nearly 2 months - that when we fell in love.
Anyways, the point is… after a week trying to rationalize with her - she did skype and talk with me on fb for the time being, but it wasn’t often as we once had. After I found out that she had sexual relation with her ex-boyfriend on day 1, I decided to take brad’s advice on no contact rule: GET A DATE. I did… and I went into an open relationship with a girl on facebook. Open relationship means dating, nothing serious. We were casually dating in realistic sense. When my ex girlfriend found out, she became so jealous and furious that she text’d me saying it’s all fake and you’re desperate. I simply replied and being polite “I thought you broke me up?” I tried to explain to her that she’s interested in her ex-boyfriend and we are not officially girlfriend and boyfriend in literal sense. She dumped me… so. It’s a clear signal that she still has feelings for me. My facebook IM was a little bit excessive, but then I realized I will have to re-establish the no contact rule again.
Advice?
The issues weren’t “trivial” if she dumped you because of them! I don’t know what they were, but if there’s anything you can do to improve on those issues, it will help. How long were you in the relationship? Had sex with the abusive ex on day 1 of the break up. Does that mean she cheated before or after the break up? “Open relationship” with a girl on Facebook… does that mean she’s married? Are you still dating her? How did your ex find out you were dating??? Yes, your ex might still have feelings for you, but the question is, what kind of feelings… Is she still with her ex? If so, maybe don’t contact her or reply to anything she sends until she breaks up with him.
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I was in relationship with her for about 4 months.
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She had sexual encounter with her ex-boyfriend after we broke up. That’s a sign of relationship rebound.
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She didn’t cheated on me. Like I said, she had sexual encounter after the break-up.
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Well… the reason I said the issues were trivial is because she had feelings for her abusive ex after he send her walls of texts and apology. Then he become emotional and wanted to mend relationship with her. Then she lets him in. If you want to know the reason for the break-up, let me know. I am not sure if you guys have PM function here.
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No, my date isn’t married; she’s single. As of today, I realized how much I hurt my ex-girlfriend when I out on a date with her after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. So… I told my date that I need some time alone and going out on a date after the break-up was a very bad idea. She understood and no hard feelings.
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I told my ex-girlfriend about this and she demanded me to leave her alone, so I did.
There goes my 30 days NC.
A short time relationship for you. How long was she with her ex? There may be more emotional attachment to him or maybe not. Yes, sounds like a rebound. Okay, I now understand she didn’t cheat on you. That was the honorable thing to do by letting the new girl know why dating her would be a bad idea at this time. I don’t think there’s a personal messaging feature on this site, but you needn’t feel awkward about letting us know what your issues were. Everyone here is open and honest and won’t judge you, they only try to give you helpful advice to take or leave. Since your ex told you to leave her alone, you should respect her request and start the 30 days over again. Hang in there and take care of yourself…
Okay… interesting…
I decided to go out on a very casual date with a friend of mine on facebook. Open relationship means casual dating according to Wikipedia and other sources.
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When I immediately went into open-relationship/causal dating my ex-girlfriend got very mad at me saying “I thought you’re madly in love with me…”
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I told her (long walled of messages) that it’s only a causal and friendly date, nothing serious. I asked if she wanted to talk about it - she agrees.
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I told my date that this is a very bad idea… and the only intention was to have someone to talk to. She understood and we left with no hard feelings.
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My ex-girlfriend started to talk to me casually after the breakup. Now since the incident with casual date with someone on facebook, she got mad at me. She’s still talking to me now, tho much better than yesterday. She knows I had feelings for her and she has some feelings left for me, and still misses me tho to a certain extent.
Let me sum up what happened before our relationship: first one was short - within weeks. She wanted to go back with her ex-boyfriend. She said she still loves me and would not let me go. I was okay with that cuz I was with her the whole time (long distance). There was an incident where her ex-boyfriend fucked up major big time to the point where her father kicked her out of the house; she cried bitterly, she called me on skype and begged me to come. She eventually stayed with her mother and made her life more miserable – she skyped me a lot and I was there for her for nearly 3 weeks. I made her very happy; no one was there for her, no, not even her ex-boyfriend. Then at one point, he ex-boyfriend text’d her and called her a whore and hurled other insults. She cried badly, very badly. She called me on skype and told me what happened, and decided to break him up; then this is where we got back together for the 2nd time. It went great for 3 months, and during that time her ex-boyfriend text’d her constantly and made derogatory remarks such as paying for sex and “I know you want it…” and calling her a whore still and post rude image on Facebook – remember, he constantly broke the NC rule. She eventually blocked him on Facebook. Then last week on September, he text’d her emotionally saying he’s sorry and wanted to forget what happened and want to mend things peacefully; she unblocked him and they hooked up before we broke up. Then she broke me up last week for really trivial reasons that her ex-boyfriend also did. So I was confused until I found out that she went back with her ex; he engaged in sexual interaction on day 1 and 2. So… I am very confused right now because I know this is a rebound relationship (happened before, crashed and burned before my eyes between those two). And he’s not looking after her heart on day 1, just sex, like he always do.
So two questions:
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Her ex-boyfriend broke NC rule constantly and yet those two managed to get together somehow. Maybe she’s different?
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I will be speaking with her tonight because she wasn’t happy I because I dated someone. Does this indicate that she still has feelings for me?
Thanks!
Do you live near your ex or has this been a long distant relationship from the beginning? Have you ever met her in person? That idea of GET A DATE rule is stupid if you’re trying to get an ex back! And you see what is caused. How did she find out you dated, did you tell her? Her ex verbally abused her by calling her horrible names and yet she goes back to him. Yes she’s different in that she has no self respect and puts up with his cruelty. If she had any self respect, she would never go back with someone who treated her like that! And how do you know they had sex? Did she tell you that??
You wrote: “Then she broke me up last week for really trivial reasons that her ex-boyfriend also did”. What did you do to her?? Call her names or what? When you talk to her, let her know leaving her ex would be in her best interest and she doesn’t deserve to be treated so badly! Is she still with him? If so, after the call tonight, you should consider NO CONTACT until she gets away from him and gets her head together. Yes, she probably still has feelings for you, but she’s the one who broke up with you, so something went wrong between you. Like I said, she might have more feelings for her ex than she does for you. You never stated how long they were together??