She broke up with me 5 days ago, I'M BROKEN TO PIECES

I’m broken to pieces, I didn’t show it to her.

7 months ago I met this woman who’s married and 40.
I’m 21 years old, we both found each other attractive.
We spoke for only 2 hours and BAM! We felt this connection!
We took each others’ numbers and begun to talk on the phone.
A week later we went on a date, this woman is looking for excitements and adventures.

Everything was going great, the third date we had sex in my place.
We been together for 7 months.

She was always on and off, on and off…
I fell hard for this girl and she also fell for me.
It wasn’t based on sex, it was based on a loving relationship.

We went out together a lot, to bars, night clubs, beach, had sex everywhere, in public, in our places, in parking lots, malls, we went shopping together, we cooked for each other, she was so caring and loving, she even cooked for me, called me everyday 3 times, every morning, noon and night to ask how I am and to tell me how much she misses me.

She sometimes used to tell me “I love you and I feel like this relationship is relaxed! I want more excitements! more crazy stuff!!! I’m hyper and I wanna do extreme stuff, dangerous or dramatic!!”
I tried to give her extreme stuff, but you know…
She said “I enjoy the sex with you A LOT, And I enjoy ur company, I love you and in love with you” She’d always text me to say how much she misses me.
She’d buy me expensive presents too.

We had some extreme nights like she asked for, but most nights were mostly relaxed, this woman can’t sit on her butt for 5 mins or she gets anxious, lol.

She sometimes told me how her ex was so crazy and how he’s still chasing her after 2 years apart, and told me how fun it was and how excited she was.

When she broke up with me she said :
Hey, I made a deicion that I don’t want this relationship anymore although I had fun time and I don’t regret it at all !!!
But I want to give my ex a chance… and see where this goes".

Here’s the thing, in this website, it says >
If your ex has a rebound, it won’t last for long.
But it’s not a rebound is it? It’s an ex who’s getting back to her ex.
It’s a different situation.
Because if it was a rebound, she’d probably still think about me.
But if she’s getting back to her ex who she so loved and was so crazy with, she’d probably forget about me the moment she sees him.

I said “Ok, sure…”.
I was so down, my heart was beating 104 at rest.

She asked to be friends and I told her I don’t wanna be friends.
I don’t know what to do, I’m freaking out.
I love her to death and I want her back!!!

2 days ago she called me and said she wants the book that she forgot in my room, I said sure, come over I’ll hand it to you.
She came over, and when I went downstairs, she saw me and gave me a french kiss.
I was so confused, didn’t know what she was trying to do.

We spoke for another 10 mins, I told her :
“I’m not trying to get you back or telling you to give me a second chance, I’m just saying, if you want to come back, it’ll be different, we’ll do some fun things together, things you won’t forget and things ur gonna love… it won’t be the same”

She said “I won’t get back with you because I KNOW it’s gonna be the same, it won’t change”, it’s like she’s so locked that it won’t change.

I told her “It’s like eating the same food over and over, I got a different food for you, try it… then decide, don’t judge before you try it because maybe it’s good”.

She said “I’ll think about it”.
Now, the question is - Did she say she’ll think about it because she was rushing and didn’t wanna hear what I gotta say?
Did she say she’ll think about it and actually not think about it at all? Because it looked like she made her decision before, looks like she’s locked on the “we’re not getting back together” thing and just told me she’ll think about it to get rid of me and rush to work… ?!

I really want her back.
I’m afraid she already started dating her ex and forget about me.
Is she gonna come back? Is she even gonna remember me?
She broke up with me probably because she lost attraction or nothing was going anywhere.
I don’t know if she’s REALLY gonna think about it or just told me this to get rid of me cuz she rushed to work…

Usually when girls say “I’ll think about it”, it’s a polite way to say no but escape doing it face to face.
Right?

She dropped a lot of hints about it being too relaxed. To me your relationship seemed great, but it seems like she wasn’t satisfied. And if you are a relaxed kind of guy, go for a relaxed kind of girl.

I don’t think this woman sees a future with you because she dropped hints. You missed them. She even told you about an ex.

Do the steps. Don’t chase her. The fact she frenched you after breaking up with you, screams mind games.

And I firmly believe you will be an after thought.