Seeing my ex tom! Pleaseeeee help!

no-contact-rule
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Hi!

So we broke up over 1.5 mnths back after dating for 1.5 Years back. We had a great relationship but also had more than our share of fights…mostly aways started by me coz of my insecurities and trust issues…its complicated.

Anyhows, he broke up saying he wants us to be friends while he tries to sort things in his mind. I acted needy and did all the wrong things mentioned in this article… apologizing and begging him to come back etc. He said it was pushing him further away and i couldn’t see why. Till i read this article on this site.

We work in same office and have same friend circle. He was away for an office trip and dis time i didnt msg or call him at all…its been 2 weeks since we last saw each other. In this time i reached out only once when his flight got delayed and i was worried sick for hos safety…well we talked whn he landed and he said he is still in his zone but also said he is stil trying to get normal if i let him be. So after that for another week i didnt reach out at all. By mistake msgd him on whtsapp but we had normal hi hello how ru sort of msgn and i left cooly saying i had to go with a guy friend for smoke break so couldn’t talk.

Now tom he is coming to office. We are bound to go for smoke break together coz it wil seem odd if i dont go with our friends…he always said post breakup why i cant be normal n just be a friend while he sorts things in his mind. And he also said he is not sure if he stil lpves me or wil come back.

So as recommended in this article i have a nice outfit ready for tom. Also i used this time away to get normal and find a life for myslf…met old friends and posted gud things on facebook…focussed on work rather than mopping at home.

My ques is how do i behave tom? Can i ask him what state is he in now after telling him how i have been doing all happy things…he always used to tell me to focus on work n be positive… so should i tell him i have done all that and then ask if he is ok to get back again? Or should i be polite but avoid being with him too much? Whats the way to go?

Note…he has not yet reached out to me on his own so far…on my birthdy, which fell after we had broken up he sent me a vry nice msg saying how the universe was happy coz it the day i was born and how lucky he was to meet smone like me…other than that nothing.

Pleaseeee someone help me! I dont want the past 2 weeks of being NC go waste coz it was hard work being away from him…i dont want to make more mistakes now.

show me the way Pleaseeee.

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@DK Your questions: “Can i ask him what state is he in now” + " ask if he is ok to get back again?" I wonder how many times you have to hear DON’T ASK HIM ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP or DON’T TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS before it sinks in. I already suggested be polite and do your work! You’re at the work place to work, so work and be positive like he said. You can tell him about the happy things you’ve been doing, but don’t talk about the break up. It’s as easy as that. Take smoke breaks as usual, but don’t play games about it. Don’t avoid him, but don’t seek him out. Don’t act jealous and don’t act needy or desperate. It’s nice you have a new dress, but he’s probably hoping you’ve changed you attitudes for the better. For the most part, you made him miserable and he broke up with you. Sorry to be so harsh, but you really need to calm down and not chase him… Good luck.

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Hi Patricia,

I really want to thank you for your advice and tough stance with me. It helped me to focus and not lose my calm and helped me not obsess over my ex.

Today when he joined office he said he sees a new me…the same girl he had fallen in love with…the way i was dressed… and my confidence and when he saw the rave feedbacks i was getting from our leadership.

We ended up talking about us…and finally he is ready to give it one more try…he said he never stopped loving me…!

I honestly was giving up hope…but this article, daily tips from mail by Kevin and your help really helped me sort my thought process and even deal with my anxiety issues…i learnt how writing helps me to filter my thoughts and not say things in the heat of the moment…as a result i trust more too. He was surprised that i trusted his love despite him saying harsh things to make me believe otherwise.

I want to say a Bigggg thanks to you and this site for helping me get the love of my life back. Thank you…from the bottom of my heart. I won’t ever forget the learnings…thnks

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Ps. Also during the NC he said he also realized the reason why i had my trust issues and said he should have dealt with it better than closing down on me…! NC might be the hardest things to do but sooo worth it!

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@DK I’m so happy for you!! Remember, don’t ever say anything that would indicate jealousy on your part. Congratulations and best wishes for a better happier relationship in the future:)