Its been 2 months since I spoke to my ex partner of 14 years and certainly not by choice. I was in no contact for a month and started friendly texts. I have received nothing in return. I am extremely upset and confused as this is not his personality at all I can only think / hope that he is having a really difficult and troubled time dealing with this. We had a flat together and had just bought a house together and he suddenly said he was depressed and didnt think I would ever truley be his. In this circumstance 14 years is a big deal so presumably its going to take longer to get back to the communticating stage? We have a cat together (I think he may have given him up which really hurts) my stuff is all at the flat, I was due to be an Auntie in less than 2 months time.
Mostly I am so so so very hurt that he is ignoring me and pretending I dont exsist. I know you’ll all say you cant force him - theres nothing I can do but thats beside the point. 14 years of spending every waking day together, sleeping next to one another and then puff - the pain is unbearable I just cant process this
Are you doing no contact again? If so for how long? I read on another ex recovery site that if after 4 weeks you reach out and don’t receive a response, wait another week and send another text. If you again receive nothing, wait 2 weeks, if again nothing, 3 weeks, etc.
I know I personally send way too many messages when I send one without a response so I can imagine your anxiety! How many have you sent him altogether?
I feel like a 14 year relationship is not easy to walk away from! Try and give him a little space for now, maybe he needs now.
I know I also struggle with depression and for a long time, I was in denial! I am currently on medication trying to figure out with my psychiatrist what works for me! Being the person who is depressed is very hard. I love my ex bf soooo much and I also would feel unworthy sometimes and hopeless, just due to the mental illness! I hope that your ex can work on his depression and reach a better place as well, I hope this helps a little bit.
Don’t lose hope!
@pixpie I am sorry to hear your story. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, 14 years is such a long time.
I think you have done the right things so far. More importantly, I know you say that the most hurtful thing is that he is pretending that you don’t exist, but I do not think he is doing that to be hurtful. He must be in as much pain as you are (without a doubt it will be affecting him) and I would try and take some comfort knowing that he isn’t being himself at the moment and he must be hurting too.
I know my words can’t help you but I really am sorry for your situation.
@KD1988 thanks for that post it does comfort me. He is very sensitive, near never gets angry and is generally a very kind person so I can only hope or hold onto that fact that this behaviour is not like him at all. How utterly cowardly though as well. My family still say its just going to take longer than we thought and he will come through soon enough but what he is doing also isnt ‘on’. Its difficult - I cant really put it in to words there are so many feelings flying around. Im still crying every day but alot down to the shear hurt and confusion of not hearing from him. We were inseperable for 14years.
@brokenhearted12 Im pleased to say in the entire 2 months I have sent less than 10 texts in total! And only 1 voicemail which I left yesterday asking if he fancied meeting for a coffee. I did try to go round to see him last week but it seems he is staying at his dads over the last two weeks or so which I can only take that going back to his childhood home is a form of trying to seek comfort.
The next plan is not on my part - I will leave it now for a coupple of weeks maybe but my dad plans to have a chat with him as they have spoken before since this has all happened. After that I may write a ‘clean slate’ letter and just leave it. I mean I do have options and am no way giving up but the space thing and not pushing it is very important to me. Along the road I can always re text and see if wants to meet as friends for coffee, and can go round to see him again as he has all my stuff. I can always speak with his family at some point if I feel its right.
I read online that if they still have your belongings its because they are holding onto it to possibly initiate contact at a later date, if they are moving or are not staying in their home its because its is too painful for them to be where you were together, ignoring you can mean they still love you and/ or are still hurt by something and need more time. There are lots of other small things Ive noticed that keep me going
bump
I have this awful feeling he is seeing someone. I am in so much pain - please help me.
Its not a fact but there is alot of activity on his facebook page. This unknown girl and her friend keep liking his posts and I noticed he had liked several of her profile updates. 14 years together - its been 2 months - we still havent sorted the flat or any of my belongings. He is close to my father and promised he would speak with me. He has ignored me - full stop. How could someone who loved me for 14 years do this. Ive been so understanding because I thought he was depressed. I am disgusted. The pain is too much to bear.
what is the point???
Hey @pixiepie, I’m sorry about all those things going on.
I’m struggling with my own break up on a +10y relationship as you already know. I know her for almost 12y and since then we were nearly inseparable.
She wanted to marry, implied having kid, made plans for our lives to the point we were old together and all this stuff.
But in 1 month and a half she was already with other guy… And she was the one who chased on him. How did I feel? Like crap! SHE was hinting at another man after less than 2 months after the end of a relationship of over a decade.
I couldn’t accept this fact, this should be a nightmare, right? Wrong… This is real and completely understandable as hard as it seems. We can’t help but feel disgusted, I know, but as I said, I understand her.
She was with me for so long and frustated in so many ways that she is trying to live the things she wanted to do with me, but couldn’t, with someone else. How can she do this? No clue, but this is a way to change things in her life, things that I didn’t let her =/
It’s like she is freeing herself and I really feel bad about this. She is trying to free herself from me even tho I reached her and told I’m sorry and I know where I failed so I won’t fail anymore.
People are different from each other and react differently to situations and it’s important to know this.
The point is: There is nothing we can do to directly influence them back to us. We can’t use words to convince them if they don’t feel like it 
So, I guess all we have left to do is to let them live their lives. Maybe they’ll notice that they won’t have with anybody else what they had with us. Maybe they’ll realise soon enough that it is worth it to fight again for their old plans for the relationship. All that time invested on the relationship should count for something.
But you can do something yourself and try to fix some mistakes you made on your life. Know that you failed the relationship as well and you can make those things right. Show him indireclty how you have changed for better. Show him you will be his if he really wants, and make sacrifices for this purpose.
But this won’t work if he’s not willing to look at these changes, so give him his space.
While you’re giving him (and yourself) this space, get out of your comfort zone, expand it and try new experiences. As hard as it seems to find the motivation to start something new, you surely have a fiend or two willing to help you with it. Trying new things will boost your chances to find something new you really enjoy, and this will help you go through the hard time.
Know that he likes you and he WILL reach on you someday. Just make sure that when he does, you can show him all the things he would like you had shown him before.
I don’t know what to say as I’m in a hard time myself. Things got really good for me and her recently after they got bad again. I hope they get really good for you and stay that way.
Have hope and will to fight for what you know is the right thing.
I’m trying to help the way I can even though I’m being harsh on the words =/
Hi @kavan. Thanks for replying to my post. I am having such a tough time - I feel like the whole of my insides are being eaten away if you no what I mean?
I can only go with my crazy ilogical imagination with the other girl - I have no evidence and Facebook is so evil. My family think its highly unlikely that this is happening. My dad was the last to see him and said he was very emotional and teary when he speaking of us and still believes that it is due to depression and the lose of our house - he said to my dad he couldnt give me what I wanted so I know it all stems back to this. I think in his mind he thought ‘the house hasnt happened again, I cant provide for her’ - there for the relationship isnt working. A month prior to that he said he wanted a family with me - he has never said that in 14 years so I know he truely meant that and that is why this is all so difficult as it doesnt add up. (Also this other girl has a kid and I dont think if my ex was under that much pressure and not managing with ‘things’ would then go in something as complex as a person with a young kid - I mean that would be messed up - and thats the logic of it all)
I love my dad for still believing in the good in people - I have jumped to many conclusions where as my dad is sticking to what we know and he still truely believes things will sort themselves out and we will drift back together its just going to take longer than I had thought. I on the other hand am a mess. I thought I was doing ‘ok’ but its killing me right now.
How are you going about your situation? Are you still with hope and fighting for what you believe? When you say ‘show him you will be his if he wants, and make sacrifies’ how would I go about this?
Re changes I have made a big decision to end the lease on my studio (I am a self employed jeweller) this is a huge deal. I am going to do that part time from home and get a second job so that I can contribute to my own future ie my own place or ideally in reality I would like to show my ex that I can contribute to a house together so we will not need to fear loosing the mortgage again. This is also a big deal as I have been unwell for many years - going for it and getting another job will be a huge battle againt my pain condition too but will hopefully shoe him how much I want this - for the house and our future.
Im also starting a course from home as well to support the search of a new job and while I have this time at home I will try to manage my pain condition - I start some new meds this week.
I am so so so so sad. You know the feeling though with you 10 years of memories? I hate that the upset of him not talking to me is making me not be able to remember him or us properly right now. Its all tainted with nastiness
@kavan I forogt to say - here is my original post which expplains what happened. If you get chance to read through it Id be so grateful