Hello everyone
4 weeks ago my ex gf break up with my, we talk for a few time after the break up and she say that Im important to her and she want my in her life so she siad she still want to be friends. I told her I can’t because I need some time on me on,we agree to go back to contact of a month or two , I still don’t feel like I have finished with no-contact , my question is what will be the best way to re-contact via text message
Thank you for your help.
Nimrod.
I forget to mention that the reason to the breakup is lost of attraction from her side, and now I believe I know what led to it. And the time we wear together is 3.5 months
Thank for your help
Nimrod
@Nimrod - 3.5 months isn’t a long time for a relationship, but apparently it was long enough for her to decide she only wants to be friends. If you can’t accept that, take some time to yourself to grieve the lose and then move on and find another girl who would like to be with you. Good luck.
First of all thank you for telling me your opinion.
I do not rule out this option and I’m come on term with the breakup, but as I siad I don’t think that the reason.
From what I know and believe its epen because of two reasons , one from her side and one from my side.
From her side ,She copes with panic attacks and depression Which in the end made her feel suffocated from the relationship ,That’s something I know for sure.
From me side ,I have difficulty in emotional understanding and difficulty in emotional expression, which made her feel unappreciated and not loved and I know it really hurt her.
So for these reasons I believe she decided to end the relationship,even though I know she wanted it according to what she said and how she behaved.
Again, I may be wrong and it is not because of the reason I mentioned .
@Nimrod - Unless you two can have a mature discussion about all that went wrong in the relationship and talk about ways to improve it, things won’t change. But she has to be willing to try. Good communication is key to a successful relationship and expressing your emotions is too. Good luck.
We talked a week after the breakup but she got a panic attack so we stopped the conversation. I asked her to think about the breakup and that she would give me an answer in a few days. When she came back to me she told me that she don’t want to get back together because she lost her attraction to me and than we agreed to go back to talk after a month.
Now that a month has passed I come on term with the breakup and the fact that we may not be together again I do want to renew contact.
And I don’t really know how to, I fear that a memory text or an advice text may creep her out. I thought of sending her a picture from 9gag( We would send each other pictures that made us laugh ) and telling her it reminded me of her and on the way to ask her how is she to start a convention, but it feels a bit strange to me
@nimrod - Yes, a memory text isn’t appropriate in this situation as she wants to be only friends. If you can handle being a friend, sent her a picture and ask how she’s doing. Then take it from there…
I prefer not to be friends because I want to trie to get back together, I don’t know how the guide it to a relationship .
The idea is to guide her there and to re-spark the attraction and I don’t really know how to,I believe that she wanted to stay friend soon she won’t lose me .
Like I said before I know she wanted me and was attracted to me , so I need to find a way to spark it again.
So my question is how to go back to contact whit her and break the ice without rising her defense ?
@nimrod - Break the ice by sending a funny picture and ask how she is doing. From there show her you how you’ve changed whenever you meet up, but there is NO magic formula to re-spark the attraction. If she doesn’t feel it, she doesn’t feel it. You were only together a very short time so not a lot of good memories as in couples who where together a year or more. You can’t help with her panic attacks and depression and most likely she won’t change her mind about reconciling, but she still likes you enough to want to be friends. Maybe a therapist could help, but it would take a long time. It would be better for you to date other girls who don’t have psychological problems.
I know there is no magic formula , my question is if by working by the EBP and the ACT rebuilt tactics will it be enough to try to get back there or I should try more things.
I know I helped her with her panic attacks and she sees a psychologist, I’m also starting to see a psychologist to deal with my problems.
@nimrod - Glad you’re both seeking help for your individual problems, but two people who aren’t mentally and emotionally healthy and stable should perhaps work out their own issues before coming together with someone else. If you still want to try the EBP and ACT approaches, go ahead, and I wish you both the best whatever happens…