Please help with NC question, background provided

no-contact-rule
1

Hey everyone,

My big question about NC is at the end but it is necessary to provide background first:

I am currently 4 days into NC. The way we got here is rough. My girlfriend broke up with me after 1 year and 8 months of dating on June 2nd. We had a great honey moon phase where we were both so happy, but no it is not so. We started dating when I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. Things got rough when I went to college (only 30 mins away) and she was still a senior in college. She developed feelings for another guy in December 2017 and told me about them in February 2018. She felt guilty and promised me she did not and never would act on them. I believe her to this day and I forgave her and thought those feelings for him grew because I did not give her enough attention since that was an issue between us at the time. Over time I felt more distant from her as our small fights that always used to be small grew much larger as past hurting kept getting brought up. She was less happy even though I went through so many efforts to do the things that she said she loved. To put it bluntly, it was like we were forcing it towards the end. 3 days after she broke up with me, she told me she acted physically on her feelings for the first time with him and I was heart broken. I believe her that while we were dating she did not act on her feelings. I just feel emotionally cheated on. We wrote each other long letters which is where I got most of my closure. I want her back though and this NC is so hard. She has been seeing him although they are not dating technically. She is perfect to me and I am willing to wait, do whatever it takes to be with her again.

My big question about NC is that I am worried if I distance myself too much her feelings for him will grow while I am forgotten about. I just need help knowing when I should contact her again and if I should. To be optimistic, I want to feel like her feelings for him grew out of me being at college while she saw him at school every day still. And that the rush feeling of flirting overpowered settling into our long term relationship. I appreciate anyone who can help me think through this.

2

A couple things:

  1. The reason no contact works is because “absence makes the heart grow fonder” (cliche but true) and because “the grass is greener on the other side” (humans tend to want what they don’t have, thinking that it will somehow be better). The second part is particularly true for your case because while your ex was with you, she wanted the other guy, thinking he would satisfy her. But now she has him and she still doesn’t seem happy. Long story short, trust in no contact.

  2. Is this your first long-term relationship? I’m asking because it doesn’t seem like your relationship with your ex was healthy and what’s more important for you right now is to grow as a person and to improve your relationship skills. First relationships are usually very intense and the breakup usually feels like the end of the world. But you’ll get through it and will probably end up with a lot more self-confidence and self-esteem than before you met your ex! This is the goal of no contact - to become the man of any woman’s dreams. When you get to the point where you feel like you can get any woman in the world, your ex will probably come crawling back (if not, she isn’t worth it!).

Lastly, it’s okay to be sad/angry/afraid and it’s okay to miss your ex. Just believe that you can become the man she needs and no contact will become easier. Believe me, when a girl meets the man of her dreams, she won’t want to leave his side - just read the posts by some of the women on here (including mine!).

Stay positive and keep us updated!