I am writing this to get it off my chest, to help you and myself at the same time!
People tell you to give up. Just move on … you are gonna find someone else that makes you happy. And of course - if you move on at some point you will find someone else BUT STAY WITH ME HERE.
Lets change the topic real quick to “true love”. Yes, there is true love. If you could date any women/men on the world there would be one person where it just works the best. THAT would be true love. So why do people tell us to just move on if we are sure we found “the one”? Because everyone moves on … because staying and not leaving hurts SO FUCKING BAD! It is the worst feeling in the world to think about her/him moving on or finding someone else. It hurts to wait for something that might never change. So a loooot of people give up, find someone else and get happy again. So of course they give you the same advice that they followed.
Lets imagine the following: a couple, true love, been together for a year, situation and circumstances in her life made her break up. everyone tells him to move on but he doesn’t. he goes through all that pain that we go trough right now. and eventually - he gets lucky and they get back together and stay together for the rest of their lifes.
Now imagine you in your sitaution going to him saying “what should I do? give up and move on or stay and fight?” … what do you think he is going to tell you? He will tell you that if you are really sure that she/he is the one for you, to stay and fucking fight and endure the pain - it will be worth it!
Most people give up, don’t want to suffer. And i can understand them. But I won’t listen to those peoples advice. And if you are sure that your ex is “the one” I hope you stay and fight too!
Even if for moments I have no hope she’ll ever come back, I promised myself I was going to get better as much as I can, I was going to become the person I want to be and I’m gonna fight for her because she changed my life, my mind, she made me grow up and I’m still deeply in love with her.
It’s really cool to see that I’m not the only one who thinks that way. Many of my friend have told me to move on, to forget, to meet new people… but it is worth enough like to forget just like that without fighting…
Nice posts to read in the morning to make me more hopeful. Yes, I will not give up too. You’re right. It’s easier to move on rather than stay ad fight. But I’m decided to keep this great feeling that I’ve had with him in my heart , and not to lose it. It’s hard to find this feeling. My therapist told me that I am very lucky that I’ve experienced this wonderful feeling. Some people never experience this.
I want to keep this in my heart and share it with him again someday. However, I’ve not been able to keep NC and have texted him every other day and messed up. Even after our break up,in the last 3 months, he used to answer me whenever I called him but he hasn’t answered in the last 2 weeks.
I won’t be disappointed and will finally find a way. Can you please give me suggestions of what to do now? I could only keep NC for 8 days. He even doesn’t answer my texts, even one word…
@Marin I know the feels. I struggle too. I have kept the NC for 17 days now but I am planning to break the NC in a few days cause she is planning on leaving the continent.
What helped me is to open the Facebook chat, type what I want to say and then delete it. Also I have made a tumblr blog to get the words out. I write the things I feel and want to say, I post them. Even though I dont think people read it it feels good to know that someone could read it. I find comfort in the anonymity of the internet.
Also I take long walk to the wood every day, sit down on a deer-stand, stare into the distance and talk to god/pray. It helps me. I dont know why … it just does.
When it gets extremely hard I go into my bed, put my head into the pillow and scream as loud as I can - helps to get rid of the fear and the anxiety for the moment.
@MarioArg keep on man! you got it! the advice that ppl give us “there is many other fish in the sea” is the dumbest thing one can say when you are just trying to “find(ing) nemo”.
Also I see it like I got dropped into the wilderness - trying to find my way back home (home is a metaphor for her) … I mean ofc I could find a new place to settle … but home is home … if that makes sense to you
I have done so many mistake during and after no contact
My ex rejected me twice…!! My still my heart does not allow me to quit…i dnt know why. All my friends want me to quiz …because they think it is only hurting me more …i know…it really hurts…but theirs only one person in your life for whom you want to trt again and again…i have lost all hopes of getting him back.!! He may never love me again…but my heart is not letting me quiz now
I am not too. I truly believe he is the one for me. We really had an awesome relationship together and giving up was never my option. Somehow life got into the way but my heart still want to fight for US. I just don’t know how. Thanks for the motivation !
I totally agree with this. People believe, incorrectly, that telling us these things makes us feel better somehow. But the thing is, when you find what you want, you stop looking. Let’s say, just for giggles, that there are a total of 4 people in this world that you could meet, fall in love with, marry, and live happily ever after. Well, what if you are pretty certain you found 1 of those 4, and things are currently becoming roadblocks in your road to happiness together?
Personally, I know how rare it is for me to find someone I can stand for a whole weekend alone with him and then miss him the instant we separate. And I’ve only met one. It’s rare for anyone to find this special connection even once in their lives, let alone twice or three times! I feel it in my heart that being apart isn’t what he truly wants, and I also feel it that he’s going to come back.
Having hope can result in us being let down, but I for one think feeling hopeless is far more difficult to endure. Cheers to mellowing through all this muck together, guys!
People around me have been telling me to move on as well. There are many, many fish in the sea. All those things.
I’ve been 42 days after the break up, 21 days since NC period. Those 21 days have been difficult at first from all the break up pain and bad memories pain. But when the days rolled by, I thought I really would get over and move on. There are guys here and there. But I never really wanted to make an effort to date them. I guess there really is something in me that says, “You’ve already found ‘the one’. That’s enough.” I don’t want to invest my emotions on someone else. Whatever I had with my ex, that was enough. It was blessed. He’s gone, but if I try again, and do it right, plan it well, then I’d at least get him to talk to me like he used to.
But if I let people tell me what to do and what to feel, then that will ruin my plan. So don’t fall into that trap, okay guys? I have this stinking feeling that the reason my ex broke up with me was because he let all the advice from his friends seep into him (because we were at a rocky, complicated time).
We’ve got a lot of work to do. So let’s play our cards right, try to keep NC going. I can’t believe I got 9 days to go until I think about my next step.
This made me feel so much better this morning! It gave me a lot of hope and I thought that I could trudge through this and come out the other side.
Then I found out that my ex is in a relationship and I’m not sure anymore. I think that it’s a sign that I have to move on now. But I’m not ready. And I may never be.
Nice topic but we have to appreciate that there are people, mostly whom we have fallen in love with or have a crush on, that we will have them in our hearts and not in our lives.The NC rule only helps you reason with a sober mind as you substantiate between the two facts.
Yes, that’s why keeping up with NC rule is important. One step at a time. We’ll realize that what we once had was not all rainbows and butterflies. After NC, we’ll have the strength to accept the things that happened, and to be rational on what we should do next. But! It pays that you feel these things on your own, at your own pace. If others are telling you what to think and feel, I think it’s much more confusing and hard.
Thanks for the motivation which i need to read and think about everyday. All of my friends say move on, move on. I won’t. HE is the only one whom i feel good being with. He is the only one who i miss and think of every second. Why do i have to move on and forget if He is my life. I won’t do that. I am doing everything to change this hard time of mine, getting independent, happy alone, thinking about what i have done wrong and meditate. The hope wil never fade away
Agree with SirMe. Also keep in mind that fighting for a relationship takes 2 people. The cold hard truth is that one person can’t salvage a relationship on their own no matter how hard you try. Both people need to make an effort in some way. If you think you are fighting for a relationship, you really aren’t-except in your mind. It’s an illusion your mind creates so you don’t have to accept that this person is truly gone.
Hoping that an ex comes back to you while distracting yourself with other things is sort of like running in place while trying to get to point B. Your mind convinces you that you are moving but you are actually at a standstill just waiting for your ex to return. You need to fully accept the loss of your ex and only then can you move on.
Hell yeah, I’m not giving up either! I have so many people telling me to move on, find someone else, fish in the sea, blah blah blah. Thank you for the motivational post, and here’s to all the people here working hard to get back with their true loves!
Thank you for saying this, I have found the one and because it’s long distance and we fought because of several reasons I know she is my one. I’m the puppy in this situation always checking on her and trying to swade her judgement and because of everything she’s completely shutt off to everyone and everything, she doesn’t care she tells me about anything. She still wants to come see me and honestly I’ve never wanted something so much but my fears of her finding someone else brings massive bouts of panic and I stalk her on social media and work myself up.
Regardless of all this pain I am so deeply in love with her I would go through anything just to make her smile. You know when they are the one and people don’t seem to grasp that.
Thanks for the motivation !