@c1182 She’s probably wondering if you’ve been dating other women and might not be as interested in her as you once were and that’s probably why she wasn’t flirty. I’m glad the day you spent together and the coffee at her house went well:) She told you not to be a stranger. That means she wants to hear from you!
So now you need to initiate a little more contact. Yes, it would be a good and thoughtful to invite her to the cinema! And at this point, I think you should be a little more aggressive as it relates to hugging, maybe trying to hold hands if you get any positive signs she might want to do that, and a nice quick kiss on the lips at the end of the evening. IE: move forward, but not too fast.
She has given you many positive signs that she still cares deeply for you so don’t leave everything to her. You need to show signs that you also still care deeply.
If she can’t get together for some reason to attend cinema later this week, don’t get discouraged. Keep trying to make plans occasionally to meet up in person, even if it’s just for coffee or maybe a dinner out somewhere…
Thanks again for replying! I invited her to the cinema after heading your advice and even though I still only got a short message back she said yes and seemed really excited about going so things are looking positive!
It’s very strange after being so intimate with someone for such a long time to be worried about something as small as just holding hands but cancer has changed her in a lot of ways and we have been apart for a few months as well so I knew it was always going to be difficult to get back on track.
The rejection of the breakup is still in the back of my mind so I’m obviously worried about her seeing this as nothing more than two friends meeting up as well but I will just have to try my best to flirt with her and try to get more physical and see how she reacts.
@c1182 Don’t ever be discouraged or read anything into short messages! There are many reasons why people don’t have time or know how to reply etc…
Exactly what do you mean by the “rejection” of the breakup?
Yes, it might take some time to get back on track, so be very patient with her! And of course it will feel like two friends in the beginning, but don’t lose hope for more later on…
I look forward to your next update after the meetup and wishing you much luck:)
I just got back from seeing her and unfortunately it didn’t go as expected.
We went for some food first and it was all going great i.e. we were constantly laughing and joking and we held hands in a playful way a few times.
When we got into the cinema and the movie started. I tried a number of times to hold hands again and initiate contact but her body language was very closed off i.e. not leaning towards me, folding her arms etc. so I didn’t push it too far.
Afterwards as I walked her to her car I decided to give her a kiss goodnight but she moved her face to the side and told me to “calm down”. At this point I told her I was finding it very difficult to go from what we had before to being just friends as I still wanted to be with her but she just looked at me said sorry and left.
I got home to a text she had sent me basically saying sorry for giving me the wrong impression and that she didn’t want to mess with my emotions but if / when I was ready to be friends with her then to get in touch and to take care.
I gave her a call instead of texting back and in a very calm way apologised for trying to kiss her and told her that I was still holding on to what we had before and I did still have feelings for her and it was very hard not to want to hold her hand and kiss after being so intimate together but that I also didn’t want to lose her as a friend so I would still like to keep spending time with her.
She said she still cared about me too and was glad that I called as she felt a lot better knowing I wasn’t upset. She also said that a relationship with me or anyone right now just wasn’t what she wanted but she enjoyed spending time with me and suggested that we should do something soon like watch a movie at hers or go for a walk again.
I honestly feel very rejected at this point and also feel like I am wasting my time. I’ve given her months to change her mind but she just doesn’t seem to want to get back together with me and in the meantime I am sat here in the friend zone hearing about all of the parties she has been to and the new people she is hanging out with. So whilst I’m glad I’m back in her life and she is asking me to do things with her again I can’t help but feel jealous that she is single and free to meet someone else at any point whilst I am just her friend. It goes against every principle I have ever had towards relationships.
Should I just walk away at this point and try and find someone who actually wants a relationship with me or do I keep spending time with her in the hope that she is just confused and will magically start to feel love and attraction to me again?
@cll82 The things you told her were very sweet and honest! Don’t give up yet… Try going out maybe 2 or 3 more times or to her place for the movie etc, but don’t try to be affectionate. Then if she doesn’t make any moves on you or say there’s a chance for you to get back together, walk away and start dating others. As a last resort, you could give her an ultimatum to think about reuniting for three months and if the answer is no possible way… walk away. You could even do no contact after that.
I’m not sure if you could actually handle a friendship with her or not, but just know you’ve done all you could… Good luck:)
