No contact pushed him further away please help

reconciliation
1

Hey,

So I followed all the steps to getting back my ex and did no contact from February 12 to March 29 and I contacted him using one of the examples in the guide where something reminded me of him. He never opened my message however but he was active on Instagram. I thought that he was mad at me because he asked how I did on my psychology test in February and I ignored him and didn’t open the message. So I apologized to him last night and said I didn’t mean to ignore him and that I should’ve just told him I wanted space.

He responded back saying that he hopes there’s no hard feelings, he’s happier than ever and was glad I stopped messaging and closed everything once and for all. He said that he’s perfectly fine and sorry for everything and said it’s douchy but it’s all he has. Then said good luck in the future.

He said he doesn’t want to message because he doesn’t feel comfortable texting and it’d be disrespectful to me and him because he would be replying half heartedly and would be forced to talk. He said that relationships and friendships don’t matter to him and he doesn’t find interest in them at least not right now. We broke up in December and we didn’t date for too long, but there’s just something about him and I can’t lose him.

He said if I needed something in class, because we’re in the same program in college, like an eraser or something then I shouldn’t be afraid to ask him but other then that he’d prefer not to talk. He also said to not ask him about assignments either because he doesn’t know anything about them.

I made the deadly mistake of begging over here and I know that was a horrible mistake, but I was losing him fully, even as a friend, and I couldn’t let that happen. I told him I couldn’t lose him and couldn’t just say bye just like this to him and he said sorry but that’s what’s happening. He then said please don’t make it come to the point where I have to ignore you and said you’re pretty much forcing it at this point. I asked if I could still talk to him in person because he didn’t feel comfortable texting and he said if it’s hanging out then no, but if it’s small talk then sure.

He ended it by saying “sorry I’m insensitive but I’m not going to force myself to be nice to please you anymore”. I asked if he would hang out as friends and he said no, so I said okay and his repsonse was “okay then thank you for understanding pce”.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now. I really need help because I want him in my life in some kind of way. If I can’t have him back, even though I really do want him back, I still want to at least be friends and be able to talk to him because I really trust him and I don’t trust too many people. But from the way he said things last night, it’s like he didn’t want to be in contact with me anymore because he said good luck in the future three times. I don’t know what to do now. Please help me.

2

How long did were you both together? And why did you break up? All in all without knowing those details it might be best to move on he stated that a couple different ways and seems like he has moved on and does not want to open the door. Only time and space will heal. I would not reach out again the ball is in his court now. Possibly send 1 last message saying you hope to be friends in the future and if he ever needs someone you will be there for him. Best thing would be to remove him off your social media Facebook instagram etc and focus on you and moving on it will be hard but it’s the best thing to do.

3

Hey,

So we didn’t date for too long. It was only for a little over a month, but what I felt for him was true. The reason for our break up was he told me that he couldn’t trust me because he has trust issues and it’s very hard for him to open up. He said that he won’t be able to open up to me and trust me, so we broke up. I was understanding towards it because trust is the main key of a relationship and if he can’t trust me, then there’s no point.

However, a few days later he started showing signs that he liked my best friend and I was heartbroken. Whenever I asked if he liked her, he always dodged the question and never answered. One day in an argument he just straight up said that he does like her. Then about a week later he told me he broke up with me because I started changing after we started dating and wasn’t the same as when we first started talking. He said I was always getting mad at him whenever things didn’t go the way I wanted them to or I was always jealous of one of his friends because she knew more about him then I did.

I told him I wasn’t jealous of her, but he’s like regardless you changed. You were always mad and never looked at when I tried so much for you. Just saying because of some stuff that happened to him in the past, he stopped trying for people and was always laid back. If someone stopped texting him, he wouldn’t try for them and he would just go straight home. He was mad that whenever he tried so much for me, I didn’t even see anything and didn’t appreciate it. Saying that I always forgot about all the good things he did for me when I got mad at a little things and when things didn’t go my way.

I wanted to talk to him in person after this, but he never said yes, so I never really knew the reason for the breakup truly. I feel like it was a mix of trusting me and me changing and always being mad at him. We broke up in the beginning of December and I found out this near the end of December. I read about this article in February, which is when I started no contact and lasted up until March 28.

I know moving on is probably the best thing to do because he doesn’t even want me as a friend anymore. He made that pretty obvious, but I really want him in my life. I’m fine if I don’t get him back, but I still want him as a friend, but he doesn’t even want to hang out as friends anymore. He said we can do small talk in person, but that’s nothing. I want him back as a friend at least and I don’t know how to get him back as that.

I had so much hope that no contact would help a lot, but it did the complete opposite and he doesn’t even want to talk as friends anymore like before. I have changed and I got a control over my anger, since that was one of the reasons why he broke up with me, but if he doesn’t even want to hang out anymore then how can I show him I’ve changed.

Since we are in the same program, should I try talking to him in person? School is almost over in 3 weeks though and then we have a 4 month long summer and I only see him on thursdays and fridays.

4

Jessica, are you in college or highschool. I would stick to no contact but be friendly when you see him say hi but keep your distant he sounds like he wants to be left alone sadly. I hope you have a great summer.

5

I’m in college and this is the first year, second semester. We have one more year together in the program. I’ll be friendly with him if I see him around and say hi, but do you think he’s ever going to want to talk again? I really can’t lose him as a friend either and I’m so confused because I don’t know what to do. In the process of trying to get him back, I lost him as a friend as well and it’s so hard to deal with.

I’m a very quiet and shy person and I don’t have many friends or people that I talk to. Him and my best friend are really the only people that are close to me and I can’t lose either of them. Now that I’m losing him, I’m so afraid and I don’t know what to do. I’ll do anything to get him to at least be friends again.

6

Jessica, I’m in college too I’m a junior so I know the hardship. During this time I would stay as busy as possible. I noticed guys like space and have different ways of coping with things. I believe space and NC will be best bc it leaves the ball in his court. You don’t wanna end up pushing for friendship and he declines or even worse may want to distant himself from you. So I say just go NC and if he doesn’t reach out have 6 months move on bc he’s obviously not worth having as a friend or companion. Continue to stay busy and meet new people at school try joining a club.

7

Hey,

Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate you helping me through this tough time. Am I allowed to say hi to him in the halls and be friendly or should I just ignore him? And should I still send one last message where I say I hope to be friends again in the future?

8

Jessica, it’s gonna be hard but I would stick to NC and I would not text or call him. You have told you that you wanted to be friends but he declined. So I don’t think sending another message letting him know you want to be friends will help because he already knows. I would casually say hi in the halls but I wouldn’t over do it. If he starts a conversation then great but I wouldn’t push to much for it. I would say my his and byes and then continue with my day. He knows how you feel so no need to further justify.

9

Okay, got it. You know how you said do NC and if he doesn’t reply in 6 months then move on? I know that he won’t text because he likes his space and he’s always hated texting. He only did it for my sake before, but now he doesn’t feel the need to. Even when we were dating, it was usually me who started the conversation first. All I know is that even if he does want to be friends again, he won’t text for sure. One because he hates texting and two because he doesn’t want to try anymore.

He’s a man who pays attention to actions and not words. He feels like I don’t really prove the points I say because I’m only ever texting stuff and not actually showing it in person. This really confuses me because I don’t know if I’m supposed to show him that I want him in my life, even if it is as a friend, or ignore him and do no contact.

10

Jessica,
Honestly that’s really the hardest thing sometimes. As a woman we’re so used to texting to get a point across men like more verbal communication. My ex was the same way he hated that I would text him all the time and barely talk to him on the phone. But for me I don’t like the phone I prefer text or in person lol and he liked phone and in person but hated texts lol. It’s gonna be hard but stay NC trust me if a guy is really into you or wants to know what your up to he will reach out even if it’s a call instead of text. If in 4-6months he hasn’t done that then I would leave him alone because it’s not worth fighting for someone who wouldn’t do the same. Maybe in those couple months apart he will see that you’ve changed and possibly come back bc he misses you or misses things the way the used to be. But if your always there he won’t. I do believe space will help and it will go 1 or two ways he will reach out or he won’t.

11

Thank you so much for helping again. I really appreciate it. I wish I could contact you in other ways if I ever needed someone to talk to because this thread will get pushed down and new ones will appear, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to you again. I honestly feel really comfortable talking to you, and you’re advice is really good. Hopefully it works and he comes back, but I doubt he’s ever going to message again because he stopped trying and he’s actually happy that I stopped messaging him.

He’s had a rough past which prevents him from trying for people, so I don’t think he will message again. I’m hoping to be proven wrong though.

And that’s funny lol because I also prefer texting over calling and usually only texted or talked to him in person, and he preferred calling over texting and talking in person.