Hey everyone! Hope you’re doing well.
I’m having a bit of trouble between remaining a friend (for the reconnect) and slowly rebuilding attraction.
My relationship is kind of special, or rare, not sure of what word to use.
I’d say I’m 99% positive that my relationship deteriorated or started deteriorating due to the hormonal imbalance caused by birth control in my gf. Literally the same exact week that bc went in, my ex pushed me away and pulled herself back. At first, I thought she needed space. I thought she needed me to be more emotionally available than physically. So i tried that. From time to time i tried getting physical but all she would do was reject me. She’d get “anxiety attacks” when I’d initiate anything sexual. On our dates she’d get snappy, and often times talk to me as if i was an idiot. So I completely backed off and gave her space.
She never came back to me (on an emotional or physical level). So i did what I believe any bf would do (i knownow that this was wrong but this was happening over the course of three months) so i accused her of cheating on me.
Tbh there was no evidence of it. To this day i have not noticed or seen or heard about her having anybody else. But I didn’t know what else to think after the constant rejection and her behavior towards me and the fact that she flat out told me she didn’t want sex anymore. I realize now it was a mistake.
It wasn’t until about 5 months into her bc and maybe 2 months of constant fighting and fighting and fighting that i found out there was a possible albeit rare side effects for the depo provera shot. This side effect included dead sex drive, depression, anxiety attacks. I also found many testimonies from couples who claimed the shot destroyed their relationships. They went through everything i was going through.
After realizing this, i showed everything i found out about the side effects to my ex. However, the damage was done. My reaction was too hurtful, and the constant rejection also did a number on me. Everything took an emotional toll on us. I still wanted to try again but she was done and she broke up with me.
After that i did the worst and was be clingy, needy, jealous ex bf instead of implementing no contact right away. All this did was push her further and further apart until i said enough is enough and i decided to move on.
I implemented no contact for a month and logged out of all social media accounts and worked on myself and I believe I succeeded in improving myself. After NC and after i decided i still wanted to start over because I believed and still believe the shot caused it all, i logged back into everything and found multiple messages from my ex. Some were clingy-ish and jealos-ish texts and also “i miss you” messages. They were sent about halfway through NC.
I sent the elephant in the room message and I immediately, and i mean IMMEDIATELY, got a positive response. I tried keeping texting to a minimum as advised from the articles on here about SLOWLY rebuilding attraction. Granted, she offered me friendship but according to the articles on here that is the first step. She was there all the time. She was excited to talk to me again. She even brought up going out multiple times. I tried to keep a distance and slowly build attraction.
We have gone out TWICE since then.
After the second time, no actually even after the first time, i feel like her excitement it talking to me over texts has gone down. I know I shouldn’t base what she might be thinking on how we text, but I can’t help but feel i have done something wrong or that i missed something.
On the second date she brought up things about the break up. She didn’t talk directly about us, she just mentioned what her parents thought about her breaking up with me which was that they told her she was stupid. It seemed like she was battling with something in her head or like she was trying to get me to say something im not really sure perhaps im overthinking.
A few days ago she called me up and set up a date with her and her people which i was familiar with.
All of this to me feel like they are good signs but i need someone from outside to give some input.
The second date was actually Valentine’s Day. We had a great time, i obviously didnt make a move. After the night was over i walked her to her door, and said goodbye and goodnight. As i walked away she stopped me and walked over to me and said happy valentines day with a smile, and then hugged me. Also thanked me for the fun night.
Like i said, i feel like these are good signs but its the texting that throws me off. Luckily I’m not blowing her phone up like I would’ve before and she’ll reply after a long time and after being on social media multiple times. I believe this is the shit test that is mentioned in one of the articles.
I’m handling it well I’d say. However like i said, I’d like some outside input.