Okay, so me and my ex decided to try again about three weeks ago. We had been broken up for about three weeks. He had been fooling around with another girl a bit when we wore broken up. All about our break up history is in my other threads. The thing is that after we decided to try again, he has contacted me every day. We have talked on the phone and he has sent me nice texts. He came over here Thursday night, we had a nice time. He slept here as well. He got his son this Friday because of the winter break. We talked a couple of times on the phone Friday. Since then I haven’t heard anything until today. I was the one sending him a text today, and then he called me. He was at this kids thing with his son and a friend of his son. He was low on power on his phone, so the conversation went a little south at the end. He sounded very irritated. Some minutes later he called back, he had gotten a hold of a charger and called back to apologize and talk some more. It was not a very long conversation then either, and he ended it by saying that we will talk soon. It just feels different for me, like something has changed. He usually say that we will talk tomorrow or later when we talk or text. Now we didn’t talk at all yesterday. What should I do now? I am so scared that he has changed his mind about us or something! Someone help me please! Am I overreacting?
What should I do? How should I handle the situation?
maren,
ive followed your story and be be brutally honest, i think you sound too desperate right now for a successful reconciliation to occur. i think three weeks is not nearly enough time to be broken up to decide whether or not reconciling is the right thing. your emotions are too impacted by the initial break up. your happiness is still tied to him.
if i were you, i would take a big step back from this situation. tell him you need more time. im not saying you need to be in strict nc but you need to really take time to yourself to heal from the first failed relationship with him and work on yourself. i think you should stop chasing him. let him initiate all the contact. read self help books, spend time with friends, etc. you need to focus on other things right now. its really hard but dont look for the quick fix. time and patience are key here.
He is the one who has initiated almost all of the contact we have have had the last weeks. He has called every day, sometimes several times. And he has texted and stuff like that. He was also the one contacting me when we wore broken up and showing up at my house. I just feel that something has changed wen I suddenly hardly hear anything, I know he has his son and all, and that he is more busy at the moment. I usually don’t contact him, he’s the one who mostly contacts me. The thing is that I am so scared that he will change his mind again about us. That he doesn’t want it to be us. And perhaps goes back to fooling around with that girl. It’s just devastating to think about. We have been together for 2,5 years, gone through cancer together and been through a lot basically. He says he wants it to be us, and that he wants me, but this sudden change makes me freak out. I am often very much alone, so I have to much time to think at night. It have felt so good the last weeks. Am I overreacting? What should I do? My biggest fear is that he will go back to fooling around with this rebound girl. I don’t think I can survive if he wants to be with her instead.
He has been chasing me a lot the last weeks. How do I get him to do that again? It just seems like something has changed. Don’t know if this is because he’s busy with his son or what it is. I really do not want to loose him again now. If I take a step back now will that work for me and for our relationship? Or will he just run back to this so called rebound girl?
well for starters, you cant know. he might be busy with his son or he might be having second thoughts or it could be a million other reasons. you could sit here and wonder and analyze but it wont get you anywhere. could be a number of reasons or a combination
“My biggest fear is that he will go back to fooling around with this rebound girl. I don’t think I can survive if he wants to be with her instead”. - this is what worries me. you cant have your happiness based solely on what happens on this relationship. i sincerely hope it works out for you, but regardless of where you are in your reconciling process, you need to start seeking out ways to make yourself hobbies - read books, shop, pamper yourself, make new friends, pick up new hobbies. this will help you have a successful relationship or will help you heal if it doesnt work out. i really recommend you do this regardless of the outcome of your situation.
if you take a step back and he runs back to the rebound girl then sorry he isnt the right guy for you. you need to trust that hes genuinely with you because he wants you and no one else and if you arent at that stage i think its because you reconciled too early and didnt get past the emotions of the first break up with him.
theres no way to get him to chase you again. you can try playing hard to get but im not a huge fan of manipulations or playing games. you can tell him how you feel honestly - like something has changed - and ask him why and what happened. see how he responds. in the meantime, try to stay busy and distracted. this behavior could mean nothng - he could genuinely just be busy with his son. take a nice long bath, relax, read a book. its out of your control for right now.
im sorry youre in pain. i know how hard this all is. just be good to yourself and try your best not to over analyze - you can drive yourself crazy thinking of all the future possible scenarios but it wont help. its not worth the time and effort
I just really thought things was on the right track since things has been so good lately. I just can’t help to think that something has changed. Trying to calm myself down with saying I am overreacting, but I don’t know. I am so scared that he might have changed his mind and have second thoughts. I really don’t want to loose him. The second time he called today when he said he was sorry for getting grumpy, things was as it usually is. And he seemed to like the text I had sent him, because he was talking about that. I don’t know. We have been through so much together and we have this special connection. He had been fooling around with this girl when we wore broken up, but as he has said he doesn’t have any feelings for her or anything like that. So I have not been thinking that he might go back to her as him and I have have so much history. But these thoughts have been poping up in my mind since Friday night. Really don’t know what to do or think.
Just feel so lost. I thought things was slowly going good again since he was taking so much contact and saying he wants me and wants us to be together. I just feel dum. He slept her from Thursday to Friday. After he went home on Friday he called me an hour after he got home. I didn’t hear the phone so I wasn’t able to call him back until an hour later. He had picked up his son then and was kind of busy. He had called me to just chat when he was driving to pick up his son but I didn’t hear the phone. We then talked again on the phone about an hour later and he said that he would try to get away one night this week or we would have Saturday to look forward. We wore talking about doing something on Saturday. So your suggestion is to take a step back and let him initiate all contact? Should I be worried about this girl he has been hooking up with when we wore broken up?
Just feels like it’s over again.
I just can´t stop thinking that there is something wrong…
maren,
you are panicking. i think the biggest problem here is that you are too emotionally attached to your ex and your happiness is dependent on his actions. i know you wont like my advice but i really think you should tell him you need some time and space and take 2-3 weeks nc to get your head together and prove to yourself you can be ok without him. i don’t think you will ever be able to have a successful reconciliation if your happiness is so dependent on his. i think the emotions of the initial break up were still too raw when you reconciled. i think its better to take some more time apart.
if you don’t want to take my advice, you need to talk to him. this isn’t a game or about playing hard to get or manipulating him to come back. if you are back together then you need to communicate with him. you need to tell him how youre feeling and flat out ask whats going on. relationships that do not have healthy communication will fail. if you don’t talk to him about this you will continue to panic and it wont be healthy for your relationship.
my ex and i broke up 5 months ago, but about a year before that we had a “break up” that lasted about a month. we both really missed each other, had rebounds who sucked and went back to each other way too soon. we stayed together for another year, fighting constantly about that month break and had the same issues we broke up initially for because we didn’t have enough time apart to work on ourselves and fix them. we were too dependent on each other. he broke up with me again in september and this time i don’t want a quick fix. being patient sucks and waiting for time to pass but its the only way. i was a mess for the first 3 months since the break up. only over the last few weeks as i enter into the 5th month have i been starting to feel more back to myself. i can now clearly recognize what we both did wrong. i am working on myself to change and improve. i also am finding other ways to be happy besides him. and thats important. if i can do it, you can!! i was with my ex for 7 years (15-22), so i hear what youre saying about all the history - i couldn’t even remember life without him! i was so young when we started dating that i didn’t know who i was without him.
i know you probably wont take my advice but it seems to me like you and your ex wanted the quick fix - you jumped back into the relationship because you were both sad and wanted to ease the pain. 5 months out i have to tell you, i see things much more clearly. i still want to reconcile with my ex but neither of us are ready yet and i know i still have work to be done on myself to make sure i am a whole person without him. i think only then will we be able to successfully reconcile. but I’m getting to the point that even if we don’t, i will be ok on my own.
i think you should tell him things don’t feel right and you need some space. i think you should re evaluate in the future when you aren’t so emotional. I’m afraid even if this reconciliation works for right now, it is only a temporary solution - a band aid to your problems. i would really take a step back and evaluate.