How vague should I be when she’s asking me questions?
Also at the end of our conversation she was asking if I was ok because I was not as talkative as normal, I kept telling her yes and then she asked are you sure? I told her yeah, sorry I just have a lot on my mind. Was that mysterious enough? Or not? Then she told me she should let me go to bed because I had work in the morning, and that if I want to talk about what’s on my mind she’s there. Is that good?
Yeah, that’s good. You still want to make jokes and laugh at little things that way she doesn’t think there’s something wrong…you still want to keep the conversation positive and light. Being talkative just keeps a friendship type of vibe going which is still good, but you don’t want to totally stay there. Do you ever mention things of the past like…hey, remember the time we… or how about the time I met you and we went… etc? Like…reminisce?
I haven’t done that a whole lot. One time I went to eat at a restaurant we used to go to a lot. I told her about it when we talked and I brought up some good times we had there. That’s a good idea though, I should do it more.
Also, how much should I initiate the contact. If say right now we each initiate the contact about the same amount. Should I let her initiate more? If I do that though I’m afraid she will feel like a burden on me which isn’t true
No, I think you’re doing fine as far as equally initiating contact. You don’t want it to be more of you initiating or more of her. So equal is great. That’s good you brought up some good times. Good times always make people smile and if it made her smile, then you know it made her feel good which is a positive thing.
Hey, Phil. How’s your situation going?
I’m having a rough day today, really want to text her and stuff. I need something to get my mind off of her, any ideas?
Hi kevin
Tomorrow us my 30days NC
You think i have to wait and see if sge cntact me first
Also other other question if she already in rebound telationship she probably not missing me or think about me
But Brads Eboom said lots about it
Hope tp hear you soon
Moude
@Baseballguy
I’m doing good. Started a new calisthenics gym working with bodyweight instead of machines. We all have our days which can be harder than others. The best thing you can do is if you feel bad or down and out is write down what you want to tell her on paper. Read it and write some more and then just kind of look at it. Maybe even get your feelings out of still being in love with her, etc…anything you can think of. You don’t send it or anything but it let’s you get your feelings out. A lot of missing someone is because you want to tell them something, so just write it all down. Then, if you can, try to hit the gym and hit it hard. The more you have to concentrate on weights, the less you will concentrate on her.
It’s good to hear you’re doing well. Writing down my thoughts is a good idea.
I do construction work in the summer so I normally don’t lift because I’m active and pretty in shape with work. And I don’t really like lifting that much lol. I play pick up basketball with my friends a lot of times on the weekends.
Right now I’m having trouble even focusing at work. My mind drifts to her. I don’t necessarily even think of bad things or that I need her or anything. It’s more she just finds a way to pop in my mind for random reasons. So I dunno, something for me to work at I guess, getting her off my mind
Her popping into your mind is totally normal. My ex gf does too. It just comes with the territory of having feelings for them and being in love with them. The mistake I always made in the beginning is trying to figure everything out, what went wrong, why she turned on me all of the sudden, etc…the worst thing I did was sit at home feeling sorry for myself. That just creates very negative energy. A wise guy recently told me we all have an aura around us. It’s all about law of attraction. If you’re walking into a bar or a restaurant and you feel really bad and you have this sad face on and you walk around just depressed looking, most people will just stay away from you. You’re not approachable. But, if you walk into a place, have a smile on, stand up straight and look like you own the place, it’s super attractive. So the point to all of that is, you just have to keep working on yourself, knowing it’s not your fault things are the way they are and if you don’t like lifting, staying busy with friends, watch tv shows that are funny and just do what you can. You’re never going to totally get her out of your mind unless you decided one day to move on or if you both got back together. It’s just one of those things that’s a part of life we all have to go through. It’s not fun but any means because you miss them a lot but just know, it’s normal. I did the same thing when I had just broken up. I actually was working on some computers at this school and the work was so boring, I literally had to leave the room I was in and go walk around every 30 min to an hour. I was so miserable. So, it’s hard to always keep your mind completely occupied, but things like what I mentioned and writing things down might help.
You’re very wise. I can’t thank you enough for all of this advice. And having someone outside of my family an friends to talk to about all my emotions has helped me a lot.
You seem like you’ve been around the block a time or two, you have a lot figured out. Do you mind me asking how old you are?
I’m 37, my ex is 34. I met all my lovers on the internet…that must be the problem. lol Been engaged once, almost engaged this last time with this last ex…so yeah, I’ve have my share of heartache and learning experiences…I’ve learned a lot from each one.
Yeah you’ve been around a while longer than I have haha. I’m 19. My ex is 18. We were high school sweethearts, I knew her when I was in the fifth grade. She had a crush on me in middle school. I had feeling for her since my freshman year and we good friends at the time. We started dating when I was a junior. It was the first relationship for both of us. We have so much in common. I like sports a little more (I played baseball and basketball, she played volleyball), she liked music a little more. But we were both valedictorians, both religious, both had similar goals in life. Sometimes I wonder how we could ever be apart.
Wow, that really is an amazing story. Not many people meet that young and then it grow into something. You both are still really young so the chance of you getting back together from knowing each other so long, I would think would be better. You just have such a rich history there, something is just not aligning in your favor, but all I can say is never give up. You and only you knows what you feel and most people say you’re too young to know anything or settle down…don’t listen to them. Always follow your heart. For whatever reason ya’ll are apart, just keep positive you’ll align again.
Thanks for that support! Those words really mean a lot to me. And I normally don’t take much from what the majority of people say. I’m a pretty unique individual and so was she for that matter. I’ve always been very mature for my age, which has actually caused me some trouble trying to fit in at times. I agree with you, always follow your heart. I also think hope is a powerful thing, and patience. I guess my biggest fear is that I may be to hopeful or too patient. I’ve realized over time that I can be patient to a fault.
Yeah, that’s why I was saying not to wait around on her and just go out and try to have fun and take care of yourself…that way, time flies by a lot faster. When she and I broke up a little over a month ago, I was in a deep depression for several weeks and then I thought if I was patient enough, she would just call or come back to me and then I started thinking, as much as I love her, I need to love and take care of myself more right now because she is the one who broke up with me out of nowhere, so I need to be happy by myself again. That’s why I started going to the gym and eating a lot more. I weighed 120lbs and I want to build muscle and put on more weight so I look better.
Yeah I had a little bit of a depressive phase too but it’s been my focus to improve myself and just let life keep moving on. I definitely put on the ‘freshman 15’ so I’ve been trying (and I guess secceeding) at losing weight so I can get back to the shape I was in when I played sports. And I’ve focused a lot more on work, my education, and my family.
You’re doing what you can and I’m glad you’re not feeling as bad as you were before. I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy…way too many people suffer from it like Robin Williams when he took his own life. It’s just such a horrible disease but there are always ways to fight it and keep moving on in life. And really we just all have to look and say it’s not going to be like this forever…we’re all here for one reason or another…we just have to find what it is and do good out there in the world.
Exactly, I’m a person who has to be constantly improving in some aspect of my life in order to feel fulfilled. When I wa depressed it felt like I was going backwards in so many areas. Depression is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t understand, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone either.
I gotta tell you when my ex said I didn’t care about her depression the day she took all of her stuff and left, I was livid. My grandfather on my dad’s side shot and killed himself from depression. She even knows that. So, for her to say that, I was just so mad. I’ve had a chance to calm down now, but I know you know how it is and what it’s like.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, my condolences. And yeah that’s a pretty awful thing for her to say. But people can say things they don’t mean when they are upset. So for me personally I try to be forgiving and not hold grudges, I think it makes me a happier person. It sounds like you are the same way, it’s a good quality to have.