I’m on day 7 of NC … Sunday’s are the worst for me… I’m close to caving in but I won’t… Can someone that is going through this… Or has gone through this… give me some motivation? I know NC is mainly for me… to help me as a person… I’ve been going to the gym… I’ve been social I’ve been doing everything I should be doing… But nothing takes away the heart break that is still very present. Idk if NC will work for me… But I know he doesn’t want to talk right now so I might as well try it.
I’m going through the same thing. Almost exactly - I’m on day 6!
It’s so hard, especially when you’re at home alone.
All I can say is stay strong, read and re-read Kevin’s emails (they really help me)
As weird as it feels, NC is the only thing to do now and it is going to be the best thing for you both.
I’m completely heartbroken and my ex basically told me he doesn’t want to talk to me before I started NC, so I understand how you feel. But if either of us breaks NC now then you’ll just push your ex further away.
The space is needed for you both to remember what you love about each other. If you pester them all the time, they won;t be able to shake the person that they broke up with! You want them to remember how great you are.
Stay strong!!! And keep us updated.
Yeah you’re right. I’m going through an angry phase… In which I keep thinking he doesn’t deserve me… maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s lost yet but he will. We were best friends and that’s what meant the most to me. We broke up for… I really don’t know why? He gave me different excuses… But there was a lot of smothering between us and I think he just wanted to be able to go and do whatever he wanted without having to answer to anybody. Of course that was my mistake… The smothering. I keep thinking that I’m the one that matters now. To put myself FIRST. I’m causing my own heart break constantly thinking about the situation… maybe in 22 days I’ll want nothing to do with him… I’m not sure. Things and feelings change. I just am trying to become a better version of myself. The gym feels great and I’m ecstatic to see results. What is your situation? I’ve tried talking to my friends but they don’t really understand me. He and I were together for 5 years. Never once broke up… nothing. We considered each other to be best friends… But now that I’m away from the situation I can see there were some flaws on his part that I shouldn’t have put with. Like he was controlling… and I let it happen. He made me delete all my social media… Yet he was allowed to have it… So childish.
Hmm yeah, when you’re happy in a relationship sometimes you don’t mind putting up with controlling aspects of a person because it feels normal. But deleting your social media is a dangerous sign, because ultimately it means he doesn’t trust you. Why did he ask you to do that? He sounds insecure, and if you pander to that, it makes everything worse. He probably left you because he doesn’t respect you, even though you were just trying to make him happy. 5 years is a long time though, I’m sorry that you’re going through this tough time.
I totally understand your anger! I’m going through that too. I stuck by him when was signed off from work for 2 months due to mental health, when he ultimately left his job and was unemployed for a long time, when he didn’t want to touch me for weeks at a time… and I always thought that it was worth it for when things would be better again. And yet he never seemed to appreciate any of this, and has made me feel like my behaviour is what ended our relationship.
There was a huge lack of communication, mostly because I don’t like to bring things up because it’ll sound like I’m nagging, and then lead to him feeling inadequate and then he’ll shut down. It’s all very frustrating.
It’s great that you’re putting yourself first. I’m trying to do that now too. Hopefully it’ll make everything so much clearer in a few weeks time. All I want right now is for him to come back, but that might change a lot in 30 days.
Yeah this is hard. I went to the gym already but everywhere I go something reminds me of him… I know that he’s stuck thinking about me too because there are a lot of things in his house, his area, etc. That will remind him of me… So I kinda like that. I have small panic attacks… they’re getting better now and I’m starting to sleep a little better too… But I think about the situation almost 24.7 … It’s always in the back of my head. But I keep thinking… I NEED to come first. We’ve put these men before us for so long… And now look where we’re at… We need to focus on us… Clearly they’re focusing on themselves. We should do the same. We’re worth a lot… And need to feel how much we’re worth.
Yeah, everywhere there is something just waiting to remind you of a memory! Even if there isn’t, something will pop into your mind. The pain seems endless.
It’s super hard but you’re totally right. I’m having a really low day, and for some reason it all hit me again like a ton of bricks, but I know I’ll have better days, and so will you.
Yep. Know your worth! & keep strong. Come back to the board whenever you’re feeling weak. I know I do many times throughout the day, but I have to remind myself he won’t answer my messages anyway and it would all be for nothing!
Sigh… I hate my job. Because I’m alone and this is the time I would mainly speak to him. So I really feel it at work. We had the briefest of conversations earlier… He told me that he wishes me nothing but the best and hopes that one day I could meet someone.that he’s been thinking about me lately and hopes I’m doing well And he ended it telling me he loved me. I said I know. And left it at that… I hope that doesn’t count towards breaking NC because I refuse to start from scratch. Lol. I didn’t act needy desperate or anything. I’m not Going to contact him because… If a guy wants to be with you he will… If he wants to talk to you… He’ll call you… I’m not sure what’s going on here… Our relationship never lacked love… It just lacked personal space… and he got tired of 5 constant years of closeness… We smothered each other… I like to think positive… people get back together after infidelity… idk… I’m just heart broken and torn…
I understand how hard this is. Its been 17 days for me and I am feeling a lot better since the first week. After my break up, I lost my appetite for food and I couldn’t sleep at all at night. Now I eat 3 meals a day and I wake up maybe once every once in a while at night.
I feel a lot better about myself now, I know what I did wrong on the relationship. I just feel like he isn’t going to want me back but I know that if I do everything right I may have a chance.
And like you both have said through out this thread, they aren’t worrying about us. We need to better ourselves before we do anything to get them back!!
Yes me too! It’s crazy how one person can cause such negative effects in our lives. I have no appetite now cause of what he wrote me earlier… But I’m sure he has no problem eating… I’m still not sleeping throughout the entire night… But I will… I have positive thoughts! I try too at least. Not about us getting back together… But about me being more important…if we constantly dwell on this we just hurt ourselves more… What have you been doing to keep yourself occupied during your NC?
Well about a month ago I had surgery on my foot so I can’t go out and work out. But I have been reading, watching lots of tv, spending time with my family and friends, and I’m also doing summer school right now.
But to even help with your sleep, try putting something on your tv if you have one in your room, so when you go to bed you’re almost listening to it and it helps keep your mind off of things.
Good advice! Any way of escaping is great, I need to fill up my kindle with new books!
Summer school sounds great. Good luck with that! I’m glad that you’re feeling better after 17 days. Gives me hope. 
I couldn’t eat for about a week since he said he needed space. A week later he finished things and I’m only just getting my appetite back. It’s sad because I love food 
I think I associated cooking and making nice meals with him, because it’s something we did together every weekend.
Luckily I’m sleeping better now too, and I’m not crying all the time (yay me…)
Cvelez, I didn’t realise you worked together, that must be really hard. Do you see him every day?
No… I think it came out wrong. We don’t work together… But we would normally talk to each other all day while we were both at work. through an app. Me and him talked almost constantly 24.7 for the last 5 years. So when I’m at work… (I’m a nanny while I finish college)… I feel really alone… Because we used to talk all day and would help each other get through the day.
I’m gonna try the t.v thing… To help me fall asleep. I love reading but I can’t seem to concentrate on anything… Especially since I love romantic novels… Definitely can’t read those right now.
I understand how you feel right now. My ex and I talked all the time, we are just seniors in high school, and he has a lot of basketball this summer. He told a friend of ours that he just wants to focus on basketball and no girls. Its kind of hard to understand cause we went through our whole junior year together and he never complained about having no time to focus on things.
We always talked about our future, and he wanted our college we go to to be the same one or close so we could visit. I know its just a high school relationship and he is a dumb teenage boy, but it was working for so long and we were planning a future after school.
It feels weird not talking to someone everyday though, that’s what I think is the hardest thing about my break up. I’m used to it now after 17 days, but I still miss him.
Yeah. I completely understand. One thing that works for me is talking to other guys. They know my situation off the bat… But it’s a nice distraction… It won’t ever go farther than just a simple conversation but you never know who you can find… I’d love to think that me and him will get back together… But obviously… we need time. Idk how things will be at the end of the 30 days. But I’m putting myself out there… But then not really. I’m only looking for an innocent conversation… And if pizza is involved then yes! I think Kevin wrote somewhere to go on dates. And seriously you should… It’ll help you feel a lot better
Yeah I’m going to start dating, or at least looking. Nothing serious, just something to meet new people and feel good about!
I’ve tried talking to other guys, one was actually my ex’s friend and he just kept telling me how happy my ex was without me.
The other guy I talked to just wasn’t for me. I don’t think I’m going to go and try dates, I don’t know much guys other than the ones I have known before. I only have a couple of actual good friends too. My ex was my best friend but I don’t think I’m ready for anyone else, considering I still want my ex back.
No I understand. My ex was my best friend too… Just focus on you. You’re doing great so far… hopefully with time not only do you feel great about yourself but other people will see the confidence oozing out of you… Hopefully he notices how much greater you are… And that you don’t need him to be the best version of yourself
I’m not sure if he will notice, he blocked me on some social media accounts or just took me off. Also, we have a carnival that starts this weekend and it was something we wanted to go do together, but now I’m probably just going to go with friend.
Hmmm yeah… He sounds like he’s not being very nice. Go with your friend and have fun. Try to enjoy yourself and not stress the situation because where ever he is… It sounds like he’s not stressing anything. Concentrate on you and making yourself happy. It’s definitely easier said than done.
yeah, I was thinking he was trying to suffocate his feelings. We had everything good, the day before the break up we went on a double date, hung out the whole week and even watched a basketball game with my family the last day we were together. The next day he completely shut off and was being short with me and told me he lost his feelings and he just wanted to be alone.
But I’m going to let him be alone and stop bothering his friends to try to show him how dumb he was being. I just need to get better for myself, my family and friends.
Before he ended things officially he said something about letting things go and it coming back…