My story updates! :)

reconciliation
1

Hello everyone, it’s been some time since I posted here. If you guys are interested you guys can read back my older posts. So it has be more than 6 months since me and my ex bf broke up. I was so devastated at first because I really don’t want to lose him. We were together for 3.3 years. Things started changing after we both went college, because I was depending on him too much and holding him back in so many ways , I guess. The thing is I was so lost myself, my friends left me and I was so stressed out with my studies and I thought the would be there for me so I complain a lot to him and stop him form talking with girls… and things like that :confused:

When we just broke up, it felt like end of the world to me. It felt like a part of my heart was ripped off. I know we are both still young and still not mature enough . But we were such a happy relationship together. We were like really best friends too. I’m good with his family and we go on trips together with them too. We were always there for each other and we used to treasure our relationship a lot. Things change when environment change… I guess that can’t be help but I always thought we still can make this work. I guess he started to focus a lot on himself and we was still so into us , trying to make things work. Well… that’s how we broke up.

These 6 months we met up twice for lunch, just like a little catch up. I was desperate at first. Then I realised this is not going to work and I stopped trying… I started focusing on myself and do things that I love and tried hard to find myself. As weeks and months passed our interactions became more. Sometimes more and sometimes less. He would tag me in cute videos and I would too. We chat up a little on how’s life going in fb. So far I’m quite okay with the way we were at that moment, because I believe that we really neede time aloen to figure things out and we don’t have to force anything. During Christmas I hesitated whether to wish him or not and ended up he came to wish me. During new year’s eve he came and chat with me too and asked if I’m going countdown . It was just a little weird for us I guess… since it’s the first time we are not spending it together.

Then came the big story, just about a week ago. He asked me out for dinner. Since I’m free that night I agreed. He drove to fetch me and a chatted a lot a lot , the connection is still there we were sharing so much things and had a good laugh. We were not very hungry so I ended out going his place. We watch a movie together an cuddled a bit. The feels… omg I miss it so much! :‘( I knew that he still have feelings for me then. That night we talked more and even… kissed before he dropped me home. He told me we should hangout again and we ended up spending the weekend together. The connection was too strong and we ended up being intimate together. I know I shouldn’t but we just can’t help it because we missed other so much. While he was dropping me home that night he could see it that I’m a little reluctant to go home. I guess he noticed I was gonna miss him a lot when we were apart again. He dropped me home and text me ’ Hey thanks for everything, like seriously…please take care and all the best’

It was too painful for me to reply him… I immediately break into tears as I reached my room. I thought that we shouldn’t talk that night. But ended up he msg-ed me and asked if I didn’t receive his text. He told me that he started to miss us too but it still feels like it’s a right thing to do, to leave in this way. I was like ‘omg how you know haha’ and he said we were together for 3.3 years how can he not know what I’m I thinking. That night we msg-ed me again and we ended up chatting again. It just feels …so right to be in each other lives again.

Two days later , he asked if I wanna go over to his place again. I was abit reluctant at first because I wanted to have a little distance… (so he’ll miss me maybe) and I agreed because after this week we both would start being really busy with our lives. But he told me that he’s really fine with us being this way, I mean not like a bg/gf but really close frends and he told me that he really misses my presence. I agreed because I thought it was too tired being in a relationship and our situation are getting in the way too, I’ll ellaborate more later.

When we met the spark when off a little. But we still spend time with each other when we used too. We agreed we should just hangout and won’t get intimate but you see… we can’t help it. We had the best of out lives that night. ( you know what I mean hehe) So we spending nearly 4/5 days together in a week… We were a little off mood at last…I guess we just hung out too much… But it’s our only chance to spend time together with this. His parents are gonna be home soon and we’ll get busy with assignments and work too. After he dropped me home in the morning we stopped talking that much. The spark went off but I can feel that he was just confused… just like I am too.

Timing is a problem for us… he’s going to study abroad in August, everybody knows how hard LDR is. And he as a young man I’m sure he loves mixing around. I used to hold him back alot of this. I actually stalked him and hates it when he talks with girls or liked their pictures. I’m such an immature over-possessive girlfriend but I’m different now. He’s gonna live his life and I’m gonna live mine, I won’t trying to hold him back anymore because I’ve learned that it’s not the right way to love someone. I’ve matured a lot and I’m proud of myself. But I really want him to know this. That we are finally on the same page. We can make it if we try… but at the same time I really don’t want to force things. It feels so weird not talking to him right now. But again I want things to go a long with the flow.

So what do you guys think he’s thinking? Or did anyone of you gone through the same situation? I would appreciate any advice ! :slight_smile: <3 Also to anyone struggling out there believe me things will get better!You just have to hold on to yourself :')

2

Have you done nc?

3

So. You went back together and then he is going abroad?

I think You are making the right call by living your own life.
If he is the one for you. Then he will come back…
Some people say that it happens naturally.
Some people say you have to fight for it.
In a world where we live in, you should pursue your own goals. So yeah… Being apart helps .
Win-win.

Own situation is a lot different. See her to much to detach from her :frowning:

4

Yes for a few months already, since we broke up last June. So some time has passed and we actually had a talked when we met. Turns out he let me feel like he just wasn’t ready for a full committed relationship.

5

@AK We didn’t really went back together… it just feels so good to be so close again .:confused:
I’m not sure not what my next approach should be. :frowning:

Yes I believe in that too. In fact he actually told me that too that if we’re meant to be we’ll find a way back when if not now, when we’re older and wiser.

6

This is such a positive outcome! If you look on the bright side, you know you still have a hold on him. He just seems to be very emotional right now and won’t be able to make up his mind. I feel like this would be the same if my ex and I went further along our journey. I can see him definitely saying that he’s not in a place to be back in a relationship.

I guess the only thing you can do is really ask yourself whether you want this. If you choose not to give up, then don’t. Good things will come to you and there’s a way to get what you want. The only way to know when to stop pursuing is if when you are around him, you feel as if he is not able to support you or help you grow as a person. Only then is it obvious that we should not be with them again.

7

Thank You dear @wellconfused ! It’s a super tough process but I know it’s worth it. I definitely don’t want to give up on us yet. Yes I guess he’s just confused on which way to go now. Just like me, I’ve got used to the life without him. Maybe he got used to the life without me too. So it’ll take some time to realise whether or not we can fit each other in our lives again.

I definitely feel better and more of myself when I’m with him . He told me the same thing that no one knows him better than I do. I guess I’ll keep a little distance for now and see how it goes. And I’ll definitely pray hard every night. It feels a little weird not talking with him still… how long have you and your ex broke up?

8

Hey friends! What to do I feel a bit empty here :frowning: But I guess my best approach is to pull off a little, right? And I hope my story did give you guys a but of motivation and hope. The process isn’t easy but it’s gonna be worth it

9

Im a fighter not a quitter. So i understand the feeling. We all feel so empty. That is why we talk to other people. No one deserves this feeling but we experience it.

10

Everything was going well at first , he asked me out and talked about a lot of things and get to know each other, but I guess we ended up spending TOO much time together… we are not even texting each other now :frowning: But I do think we needed some space again to figure things out and maybe catch up again after a few days or weeks. :confused: Any suggestion on what’s the right approach?

11

Maybe you guys should take some more space, like a month before you guys talk? I feel like you already tried the whole no contact rule, finding yourself, then getting him back.
I think for this time around, you can try the no contact to gain some more clarity, then have a serious talk with him about the future. He needs to know that you wont wait around.

You know when my ex suggested he wanted 6 months break in dec 30, 2015 until I graduate this June, he said if we were meant to be we will find each other, and he still love me. On dec 31, 2015, he says he sees me as a friend. He told his friends a weeks ago , that he broke with me a month ago, and started going out with this girl since new year. After hearing things his friends and family said, i know he had it goign on with her since last September. took her out, gave her rides. he never took me out, or even tried really hard to, while we were in a relationship. This is a guy who told me I love you within a week of our relationship, that he wants to marry me one day within 5 months, and wanted to get engaged after 10 months. looking back, at the time he wanted to get engaged, he had it going on with this girl. And he had the unmitigated gal to suggest that if we were meant to be, we will find our way back to each other. the way I see it, if someone truly loves you, he or she will make time for you no matter the circumstance. He will never contemplate cheating on you no matter the circumstance, because he knows that what you two have is invaluable, and can never be replaced. There are couples who dont see each other for months and they are still committed and faithful to each other. I think after you apply the no contact rule again, you might be able to see my point of you. If he wants you, he will make sure you are with him. When something is important to you, no matter how tired you are, you still make time for it. For example, no matter how tired I am, even if I pulled an all nighter, I still make time to put on my makeup before going to school for half an hour because it is important to me.
Good luck and I wish you happiness :slight_smile:

12

Yes you are right I feel that I should go NC again too… I’m fighting the urge to tag him in videos or photos or send him snapchats… But if he misses me he’ll find me right? At the mean time I need time apart to find myself too. I mean so many time had passed anyway and I’m already a whole new person but I really don’t want to force anything. I trust that God had it all planned, and His timing is gonna be perfect so I’m not losing hope I’m just keeping some distance now.

I’m so sorry it must have neen so suck that your ex did this to you babe :frowning: My ex and I are about the same ex as you and your ex too I guess. And young men like them just to settle down that early :confused: I felt that the best bet is to move back a little and spend more time loving ourselves. If we are meant to me we really, world find a way back. It’s just that we’ll end up with the one who deserve us, whether if it’s them or not. Although we still hope it’s gonna be them pf course…

13

Exes are illogical beings mind you. They take you for granted replace you then poof they may or may not come back. But hey, if they leave behind a catch it will always be their loss. Look at me. She says I’m a bum. Well now that I have a job(part time) I’m studying to become a lawyer. And what’s more is I’m now physically fit. So what the hell does it matter if they show no interest now. Make them have doubts.

14

I know I guess my little mistake was making it all too easy for him. :confused: During the first time we hung out , everything was perfect, we can’t get each other out of our arms, we were drinking beer together, talking and cuddling just like before. Then we spend a night together and it was still perfect. Then we still can’t get enough of each other and he asked me to hangout again. I agreed because I was free too anyway. And there were circumstances too it’s the last time we both are out of schedule so we both thought it’s a good idea.

I guess too much of everything is a no-no. I should keep some distance I know. :confused: Now we are not even talking. And everything was so different a week before. I guess we moved a little too fast too. But I’m not losing hope. I’m doing NC again for some clarity, and to give more love to myself,because I know I’m worth it. I’m not doing it for particularly how many days I’ll do NC till I feel right. And when I feel like it I’ll still contact him ,like maybe a text msg, tag him in something in fb or send him snapchats. I definitely think he’s into working out things with me too… just that, we both still need more time for find ourselves I guess. Maybe our paths will really crossed again when we’re wiser and older, who knows.

One thing I’m sure is, we still have this unbreakable bond. It’s really tiring to fall in love with another person and get to know them all over again. Me and my ex have spend more than 3 years getting to know about each other’s everything. I even got really well with his family. I really don’t want to give everything up. But for now, I’m put back the focus on myself because I feel a little empty, like a part of me is missing. I hope that I’ll get myself altogether again. Thank you everyone of you for replying! :') <3 Any more advice would be greatly appreciated!

15

It’s been about 2 weeks since we last met up and I missed him a lot. I’ve been stressing out lately, and friends that I thought would be there for me didn’t. I was really struggling and I felt so weak. I end up I texting my ex and told him everything. He was concerned and he replied giving me his advice and wants me to be okay and said we’ll chat again when he head home. I’m so glad that eventhough we are not officially together,we’re still there for each other. I was so worried I may seem needy but I’m glad it didn’t turn out that way. He was and still be my best friend and the person that knows me the most, so do I. We still share still strong…bond I would say.

It’s just now I got a feeling we both are not ready to be in a committed relationship now. University is just getting busier and busier. I don’t want to say that he’s just a best friend, because he’s more than that but we’re not lovers, just someone really special in my heart. It’s nostalgic thinking about all the things we’ve been through. I didn’t expect to be able to get this close again, but I’m really glad we both made this move.

This distance made us grow up a lot as a person. Our thinking are more mature now. I could feel we are actually on the same page again. But of course I don’t want to rush anything I want to last forever. And if we are really not meant to be as a couple, I really want him to be happy too, and maybe we could still be in each other’s lives in some way, since we knew each other so so well.

It’s not painful to look back at our memories now. That day when we met up, he showed me our pictures that he still kept in his phone, some of his favourite ones he said. :slight_smile: And we were both laughing about how dorky we both look back then. As a conclusion, I’m happy that we’ve made this move, whether we’ll end up in a unbreakable friendship, or we’re slowly building up that foundation to a stronger and healthier relationship. I just want everyone to realise that, only you can save yourself. You both need to move on for yourself , then maybe your paths will crossed again.

16

That’s good improvements in your relationship. And yes. You are the only person responsible of your own happiness. There will be people stupid enough to make decisions for you and you better not listen to them. Why? Because the consequences are all for you, not for them. You make your own path in your own life. You want happiness chase it. But not over enthusiastic about it. You want stability then work for it. You want respect then earn it.

17

Thank you friend! I can’t agree more. I’m just afraid now that I’ll end up hoping too much again. Because I bet he agrees too that we both know each other so well and we still share this strong connection. We can talk about anything and everything. It such a waste to give up on people like this in our lives. but it’s not like I can control anything. We been chatting quite a lot lately, and I really enjoyed it. My ‘true’ friends left me,they don’t even bother to be there for him, but when I talked with him about it he gave he best advice and just be there and hear me out I’m truly touched. :') I just want be be the better me for now.

How you and your ex btw @nightdeleon?

18

My ex? Friend never been better. Got her pissed at me. It feels like her relationship now is breaking apart and she is only pretending she is happy because she is seeing me happy. Frankly I feel happy wihout her. And she disrespected me back then so I was very neutral to her as if she had the gall to ask for better from God but do something bad. Its like she’s finding an excuse lol :slight_smile: anyway. I’m glad you are doing awesome :slight_smile: hope it continues:)

19

Well good for her! sarcastically lol I mean she need to learn to get hold of her emotions, and what she wants in her life. You ain’t gonna wait for her forever. Sometimes I still struggle and got depressed cause of stress. But I’m sure I want to get my life together I want to be the better me. Thanks for your motivation though! I want to pull back a little again I don’t want my ex to feel like well … I need him :confused: Although he really meant a lot to me and knew me more than anyone else. But I need to learn to save myself from my own thoughts…if that makes sense.

20

She can go taunt me for all I care. She can say her words will make me cry but won’t solicit a single drop. We broke up because she thought you can find “true” love within a week of the break up. Now interesting part is, i know she is miserable and is pretending to be doing great. She’s been a real pain in the neck for me and has been assuming I have been wasting my time for her. Nope definitely wrong. I became more independent when she left. Frankly I’m having more fun now. I became a domesticated man. Now? I have let loose my fangs again. Lol hahahahah but the good part is that she no longer has a grasp on my life. Not a single thing she can control. And I know for certain she’s watching.