Here is my story. We have been together for two years. Through the relationship we were always fighting about me drinking and acting weird. I promised her many times that I will stop but never did actually but she keeps forgiving me. One night we had a fight and then went out, got drunk and then came home but then she aslo forgave me. After a week we were about to sleep and she said I am not in a good mood. I asked why, she said every time I remember what have you done and I feel hurt. I tried to make her feel good but then she said I can never trust or forget what you did completely. I got mad and then told her if you gonna keep this idea in your head then it is better to end it from now and then left. She kept begging me and crying saying no i want to be with you and I will wait for you to change. But I said no you won’t and left. The same night did the same stupid mistake and went out drinking and got so drunk and came home begging her to forgive me but he said no and I am not gonna be with you no more. But then I told her I am not giving up and will try to change and show you but then she said do what you like but I can not promise you anything and I said ok. During the past days I tried to talk to her a lot and want to do stuff with her but then I received this every time ‘you are talking too much’, ‘yeah now you care and wanna hangout’. She started going out with her girlfriends who hangout with bunch of guys a lot and she started hanging out with a guy who I know and then i talked to her about it and she said ‘we are friends and if this will make you want to stop trying then I do not care because I am not doing something wrong’. This moment I realized I have to just move on and stop talking to her. I told her I think we both need space and time and I am gonna move out. She told me that she agrees but I do not have to move out. She said that because she did not want me to pay another rent since we can not break our less which has five months left. Or maybe she just want to show that she does not care anymore and she can live with me without showing any emotions. Yesterday I took my stuff and before I leave I asked her to come and sit and talk for awhile. I told her I am doing this for us and hoepfully things will get better but you need to tell me because it is your choice. She said I can not say anything right now and I do not want you to wait because there is nothing for sure because you have promised me so many times amd never did it and i can not live like that anymore. I told her if you think I wasted two years of your life but think of the more years that will come and I want to be more than just a boyfriend in the future. She started crying and saying ‘that is what i wanted but I can not live with you like that’. We held each other and kissed her and said sorry, but I will be around if you ever needed me so text me if you ever wanted to hangout and then she said of course.
Now that I moved out and wanted to do NC. The place we used to live in is far from school and where I moved is walking distance. I told her I will leave the car with you during the weekdays and I will take it during the weekend. So we gonna talk everyweeked to arrange dropping the car and picking it up. We have a dog which I already miss, I am not sure how I will see her during this NC period. Also I have not take all my stuff out and I will be going back and fourth to get some of my stuff which means I will see her.
What do you guys think? Do you think there will be a chance for us to get back together? I decided to quite drinking and not go out too much but of course since we are not together and she is hanging out with guys I can enjoy my time and also hangout with girls. But what if she comes to me and tell me you told me you gonna change but you did not because when we were together she did not like that I talked to girls.
She is the first girl I told her I love you and I was her first man ever and only to be in love with and to make love to as well.
Help me guys, I want her back but I do not know what to do.
do NC, and just talk short about the car exchange. like : “can i come get the car on friday at 17:00?” for exmaple and thats all. also, for your things, maybe you should take all your things at once if possible when you have the car. do not talk to her, and really do NC. focus on yourself and change your drinking habit. stop drinking.
me and my ex had also this problems, just with drugs (cocaine and speed,ectasy,mdma) and always we were high on it we had problems and fights and we both were brainwashed and i said things i didnt know what i was talking about and he didnt get what i mean, and this tore us apart totally. now we are both clean, we have talked yesterday normaly, hanged out as friends after 3 months and drank a bit together. I got a job, he already had it before, i am going to school etc…He aked me about my job, and all and we both did changes…And I saw he was positive about me after a long time,he saw I started utting my shit and the important priorities on first places… I am improved a lot, and still am improving. You do so too, if you want her back. No need to tell her how you will change and such, she will see on her own eyes IF you will work on yourself! If you really want her, this NC period is for you and your improvement. she was forgiving you all the time…people have limits and i guess you crossed hers… she will see results if you really will change and will think positiver about you. If you have no intention of changing drinking habbit, then she wont want to come back. right now she probably feels relieved so let her be.work on urself, get ur shiit together and follow the plan. It will be worth it… Then when you have something to show her (changes u will do) you can contact her and talk a little, but dont talk about old relationship (and if u do talk about positive things).
I know it can be hard to stop drinking or stop drug abuse, but it is possible, and if you really want to you can. btw im not an expert this is just my oppinion.
I went back yesterday to my apartment because I really did not feel comfortable there at all and felt I need to be in my own room and my own bed. Plus I did not like the idea of leaving my own car to her and just pick it up in the weekend because all she does is hanging out with her friends While I am at my friend’s place doing noting and have no car or anything to do my things. We both go to the same school and have the same schedule so I am just gonna take her with me in the morning and back when we are done. I am gonna tell her if she wants to hangout with her friends she should ask them to pick her up. Last night when I came home she told me that she invited friends over tonight and I told her do not worry I will leave and when they leave let me know so I come home since I decided in the mid of day that I want to move back. But then she came home late at night from the club - she never like going clubbing and now she goes every weekend with her girls and some guys- when she got in she said my friend is here and she is sleeping over and gave me weird look. She went to her room and then texted me ‘we want to watch tv’ I said ‘so? Come watch TV’ and then she said ‘I do not want to sit there when you are there’ she just said that because her friend is with her and they want to be alone if she was alone she would sit and say nothing. I then told her ‘I respected your time and left when you have friends over and now respect mine’. I know I am the one who did the mistake but I am not willing to looked myself in and not enjoy my time while she is having the place for herself and her friends. This morning when she woke up shr did not say anything and I said good morning to her and she replied with weird tone as usual. She told me my friend and I want to do some homework. I said so what? I am not gonna stay in the room the whole day.
I decided to stay home but not talk to her. I will live my life and work on myself because I feel more peaceful and comfortable in my own place with all my things around me. I am not gonna listen to her requests of me leaving the house if her friends are coming over because I am not gonna do the same to her.
She acting all mean specially in front of her friend but I ignore.
Will see his it will go. But I am not gonna talk to her at all and if I really needed to it is gonna be over something general and nothing about us or even about her.
Oh wow okay I see, this is a big change and if u feel better in your room, stay there and to what u want , you can act like roomates without contact. I think it is a good idea do not let her swap you around by the way she wants things to be, but it is very mature and nice from you to give her space when she invites friends. and the not talking part to her is okay,general things that are really needed ok but thats it. and school, just stay away from her at class and be yourself and show her you are positive and all. I hope it will be for your best. and really try to avoid talking to her. also when she texts you dont reply. if she wants something she will come and say it to you directly, if n ot then it isnt that important if you ask me. good luck !
If you maybe have any idea about my case, I am so nervous going out tonight idk i dont want to screw up anything. youmaybe have any advice on what i shouldnt do?
thank you so much for your reply. I am really not comfortable with her inviting friends and me going out because she always goes to them and I do not want her to have things on her way because I know she will over do it. I know her friends and if she really do not want them to hangout with them she can go visit them. I decided to do this because even when I ask her about normal stuff she talk back in mean way for now reason. So I am not gonna let this bring me down. Even when I invite my friends whom she knows already I am not gonna ask her to leave and will leave it to her choice. will update you on what happens in the next days.
I will check your post but believe me you do not want to listen to me becaause I screwed up and I am not really familair with relationships as this one is my first relationship ever.