I bought the guide about a month ago when my ex broke up with me, and to be honest it has really kept me going and helped me see myself and my relationship in a whole new light. Kevin gives away a lot of him information for free, but the worksheets in the guide make you feel like you have someone with you throughout the process. They really helped me right at the beginning when I felt I was completely alone.
You can’t really compare your relationship to anyone elses. If 30 days of NC pushes someone away, they really never cared about you at all. I haven’t read any cases like that, and you shouldn’t really expect that to happen to you. After all, you can always explain why you did it when it’s over and if you reconcile. Also, she hasn’t contacted you right? If she was so bothered about being ignored then you would have something to ignore… right? I bet a lot of these cases you refer to are people who’s exes never stopped talking to them and felt ignored when the NC started.
Thoughts like that are just going to make you contact her, and then you’ll be back to square one.
Thank you for replying. I guess i should know better than anyone else that I should compare us with other people…everyone is different anyway…
And no i havent contacted her and she hasnt contacted me too (which may be why I am also really sad about, i guess i just really hoping she’ll say something to me…)
I dont want to go back to square one, and i dont want to lose her. I think im just really scare 30 days would be too much, and she may think that I have accepted the BU or hate her(for no saying anything to her for so long)
I also watch a video and they say 3 weeks is the peak for your ex to really miss you dearly and that I can start my contact with her after that. Again everyone is different, so maybe that would be a good idea?
But no matter what i have to feel and be better before then
It’s so easy to do, so don’t beat yourself up over it! We all feel weak and feel like our exes will move on, but honestly 30 days is not that long. If anything, she will be thankful for it.
I don’t know about the 3 weeks thing, it feels too soon. I’d say if she contacts YOU after 3 weeks then go for it but if not, you should really stick to 30 days at least.
So a little update at the end of my Day5 of NC…I try to keep myself busy today…I went to the gym, read some books…but i also been doing a lot more research online trying to find any free or helpful system that i can invest in because I really feel i need the extra tips and guidance.
I found a system which seems to be quite popular, by the name of “Text your EX back”. I studied and take notes of from a free preview version of it and it did make me feel better.
Honestly I am just terrified and lost when I think about what am I going to say or text to my ex when NC is over? Do i really need "text your ex back " system? or does Kevin’s system provide any guide on texting/talking to her? Like what to do if she dont reply or etc. (from my research “text your ex back” is quite resourceful in that)
I am so scare to make another mistake and end up losing her. What should I do?
@S.H Your focus should be on managing, controlling, and changing your anger tendencies! After all, that’s the main reason she left you. Reading tips on texting her later is probably very helpful and you could do that too, but concentrate on anger. You said your little brother tests you patience sometimes, so when he does, measure your reactions. Also pay attention on how you react to little irritations in life, such as congested traffic, long lines waiting to get into a movie or event, situations at work or the gym etc…
Lin91 gave you encouragement and good ideas on how to manage your anxiety.
Good luck and take it one day or one minute at a time. You’ll make it…
Thanks you for replying. I understand you point and appreciate it. I am constantly reminding/controlling my anger. The meditation im doing is really helping.
Also yea today my older brother was kinda being mean and acting he’s “asking for a fight” mode. But I totally control my temper( the old me would have a fight with him)…i just old him how i feel about whatever our situation was and that it. I can feel that he was kinda surprised too. SO that is what I am a little proud of today…except the fact i still miss my ex sooo much and it still hurts me…
I guess Im just trying to learn and want to be prepared for whats coming after NC…I do over think stuff sometimes…
How are you doing with your NC/is it hard to start? Im doing it again (did it once before, got my ex back, now hes broken up with me again a year and 3 months later because of commitment scares) and i dont want to go through all this pain of NC again just incase it doesnt work a second time
@S.H Overthinking things is a habit that can be broken. Try everything you can think of to break it. And then the habit of NOT dwelling, imagining, and over analyzing will become the new better habit:)
Hi amy111,
Yes NC is pretty hard for me, even when I first started NC i know its not going to be easy…but it still hurt not being about to talk to my ex and she didnt contact me too… Im sorry to hear about you and your ex…maybe you need to give him so time and space and i think NC will be good for both of you.
Hi patricia12,
I know and i will try my best! Thanks!
Thats true, I’m going to give him space but I guess I’m just not sure how long for. I did it for 3 months last time…but he said he needs longer this time. I dont want to lose him - we’ve even said we’re perfect for each other but the timing is wrong I feel at a complete loss
SH, you need to remember WHY your ex isn’t contacting you. What would she look like if she started texting you all the time straight after you broke up? That’s right, CRAZY!! And she doesn’t want to look crazy. She may well be missing you, but she has the sense to take a step back and think about whether this relationship is right for her and can be fixed. If you don’t give her that space she will never work it out. Pretty sure you don’t want to be crazy either right? Thought so.
Amy111, I just read your story, and I’m sorry things haven’t worked out a second time. That must be really hard. You say it’s about commitment scares; what did he say exactly? It sounds a bit like he wants to have his cake and eat it too… which is very damaging for you. He needs to figure out what he wants and stop messing you about. One thing you can do is start NC. You don’t have to remove your FB relationship but I would recommend deactivating your profile for a while. This way you will stop the influx of information from him, and you will stop providing him with information about you. It’s likely he will try and contact you after that, but I think you should stay strong and take some time to figure out whether this guy really is who you want to be with.
Hey guys…so heres what happened… Yesterday I meet up with two of my close friends (both guys). And they advice me that I should text my ex a short message to let her know that i miss her and still care about her and our relationship and that I want to make it right. (They are both quite experience with girls and relationships)
So in the end they convinced me to send my ex that one short message( i was not needy, no begging…just tell her how i feel and that i really do care about our relationship…) My friend’s point was that she may said BU because she mad and its like a test(?)…for her to see how serious i am about us and how i would react…and that the 30days wait may make her think that I was really not serious about the relationship and may actually move on or something…
From my friends exp, he said that he had a few ex that are the one that said the break up…and he just agreed to them. But later his exes told him that they actually didnt mean it and wanted to test him/see how much he cares. Thats why he advice me not to do the same mistake as my ex may think the same way too.
I really dont know if i did the right thing…she hasnt reply to me yet too…im so confused now.
I’m hesitant to put a lot of energy into giving you any more advice if you’re just going to ignore it. There are hundreds of people on here following the no contact rule. It’s called NO CONTACT!!!
By all means do whatever you want, but doing the same thing you’ve been doing thus far (messaging her all the time) isn’t going to bring her back. What makes your mates experts exactly? They have a lot of EXES? Do you see the problem with that? Yeah, that doesn’t scream expert to me.
I’m afraid if you’re serious you’re going to have to stop contacting her again and start from day 1. Or else ignore that advice and do your own thing and good luck.
Im sorry i didnt mean to ignore anyones help or advice. (i also didnt see your last post, before i did what i did)
I just have so much going on in my head and what my friends said kinda make me feel better or give me some kind of hope…?( also to point out the points he gave was also from his current gf…that girls may think like that) So i thought from a girl point of view, maybe my ex is waiting for me to show that i care and that i should not wait another moment to let her know how i feel…
Either way I did what i did and i can only hope for the best for me. I will keep doing NC too
And sorry if I make you feel that you wasted your time on me, it was never my intention and i am very thankful for everyone that have been helping me
It’s not that - I just know exactly what you’re going through and it’s frustrating to see you mess it up for yourself! It’s super confusing and your brain will try and trip you up, but you have to stay strong. It’s hard, but next time you feel yourself being weak, post on here instead.
thanks lin91, i am feeling weak…and really confused…my brother told me i should just take the break up and be done with it…but i cant help but feel that she didnt 100% mean it…i dont know i just really think that if she wan to break up she should just did it when we had the big fight and not a small one when were on skype…also im so scare and heartbroken because i dont know why my ex is acting this way(ignoring/not replying me or contact me) I feel like she is a totally different person right now…i not saying im was a perfect boyfriend but except for my short temper, i was a good boyfriend. we really had a connection together…we both meet both of our parents and stuffs. Her family like me and mine like her too(my mom loves her). So i really dont know why shes acting so cold/different just because of that skype fight? i know it may be a built up of all the old fights…but still couldnt she give me one for chance to prove myself? she shouldnt be angry anymore now…its been more than a week…i feel so weak right now…want to wake up from this nightmare so i can find her laying next to me, and i want to hug her so bad…damn i miss her
@SH Of course she (100%) wanted to break up with you. She didn’t want to go on with you the way you were treating her. Yes, all those temper outbursts added up to a mountain of unhappiness for her! So how could she be over the hurt you inflicted upon her in just one week? She witnessed your intermittent angry outbursts over 2+ years of the relationship. You don’t understand why she won’t give you a chance to prove yourself? If you think about it for a minute, nobody changes for the better in one week and she knows that. You need more work on your temper and 30 days no contact will give you a better opportunity to do that.
