So I’m currently only 19 and my boyfriend 18 I’m a sophomore in college and he’s a freshmen and we just broke up 4 days ago. He’s been my best friend since the 7th grade and we started dating my sophomore year of high school. My freshman year of college was difficult for us because we weren’t seeing each other every day but we made it through it and had a beautiful summer before he went to school. So our schools are only 30 minutes away and we have been at school since August and it was working out fine so the problem wasn’t seeing each other. We both just started drinking and partying in college we never did in high school but for the beginning of this year we went out to parties together and separately and everything seemed fine. However more girls were starting to talk to him and hit on him but he would always tell me like the great boyfriend he was. I would then ask him to just not talk very much with those girls and he would say ok. I never was really suspicious of him cheating cause he’s a good guy and I know he would never do that. But the more girls he would start to talk to I got jealous even when he said they were just friends (I knew in the other girls minds it wasn’t like that because he’s very attractive) so he began to get very annoyed with me when I would ask about other girls. He then started to become annoyed with almost everything I did it felt like. Everything was fine when we were together in person but when we were away we would fight. Our fights got so bad that he would then swear at me and say things that would just hurt me. So one night a week before we broke up we were fighting and we started talking about our future together and I asked if he would wake up one day when were old and married and regret never being with other girls and he said I don’t know. He had never said that to me before and it was probably an awful feeling. So the next day he came over and we had a great time in person and he slept over and everything was fine he even invited me to a party with him the next night. However when the next night came he blew me off and told me it was too complicated just don’t come. So things were getting worse and worse and he was starting to not text me as much over the next 3 days so then he finally told me we need to talk and on Monday the 20th he and I made the decision to break up. It was pretty mutual because I didn’t wanna be with someone who didn’t wanna be with me and who wasn’t treating me right and his reasons were that we suck for each other right now and he doesn’t think were strong enough to make it through college. So both of us were unhappy and I support the idea of breaking up but I don’t want to be broken up forever like I love him so much he’s my first love, my best friend and there’s just something inside me that just wants to end up with him more than anything. So far we haven’t talked at all it’s been 4 days and I’m really sad but I’m also happy and feel less stressed but I miss him. I know it’s still early to tell if I wanna get back with him or not. However I’m worried about him. So I know he wants to go experiment with other girls, he’s young it makes sense and we’ve only been with each other. But literally the day after we broke up these two girls who have been hitting on him all year showed up as his best friends on snapchat so I know he’s like talking to them and trying to get with them. He’s never been a jerk like that to move on so fast so I’m really hurt by it and it just makes me wonder like is he ever gonna wanna be with me again? I know were young but I just wanted some advice. I’m gonna take advantage of the 30 days to find what I want but I see him at thanksgiving for my towns football games and stuff and I’m not planning on contacting him until then but is it even worth it? Were so young that’s why I’m confused. Please help!
I think it can be certain that if he hooks up with anyone right now it probably wont mean very much. Even if he dates someone and acts like the happiest man in the world for a little while. I did something similar to my gf like your ex did to you and I can tell you in the end it was me trying to get her back. Its either meaningless flings or rebounds. If he really loved you it would be impossible for him to just forget right away. Keep in mind the first couple of months in college a exciting you meet a lot of people etc so you tend to lose perspective until things kind of settle out – I think first semester freshman year may be the easist time a guy could ever get laid in his life and even if youre in love it can sometimes be very hard to resist that temptation especially if you arent in the same social circles anymore. Its a question of time. If you play your cards right you could get him back in time but be patient.
I can say that as a guy who was been through what you bf is going through right now. I dumped her, worked hard to get her back and now she dumped me, trying to get her back again! Thats how things can work out sometimes so dont beat yourself up right now!
Thank you jbarber23 but I have another problem now so last night was Halloween and one of the girls he’s been talking to and him dressed up as Barbie and ken and he took a picture and posted it on Instagram. It seems like things are getting serious with them because it took so much for me to ever get him to dress up with me but how is he able to move on with this girl in less than a week? I can’t help but think they were talking during our relationship cause that’s when they met and then the second we break up they’re pretty much together I think. Is that a rebound relationship and why would he post a picture of that is he trying to hurt me or just show off this new girl? She is really pretty and hot she’s tall, thin, blonde and tan so she’s the opposite of me I’m short, healthy looking (cause I play soccer), with brown hair is she a rebound even though she’s so beautiful? I’m terrified he’s gonna be with her for a long time and I’m gonna be crushed. I already am cause I never expected him to move on so fast?
Yup no worries most definitely a rebound. Obviously he knows youd see the photos and probably to an extent thats the point! I woulndt worry at all for now, as hard as it can be. And btw who cares if she’s hot. If she’s hot and nothing else then you could either assume a rebound or a friends with benefits. At this point I wouldn’t worry regardless of what their status is (just dont put your nose in it; if he tells you fine, otherwise dont ask! its probably the easiest way to setback the situation). Remember 99% of the time people arent fit to be in a real relationship after just getting out of one so even if he starts dating you should actually be somewhat at ease. I would only worry if he stays single and then gets together with someone else maybe a couple months down the road. But right now I dont think there is anything you should worry about, as disturbing and heartbreaking as it may be.
Jeez we are basically in the same place but opposite genders. I’m older than my ex and we basically went through the same stages as you, she broke things off to basically explore in college. Let him do his thing and settle down. Look at it this way if he was really that curious then even if you didn’t break up it would cause problems eventually. Go out and meet new guys, it may feel weird but you’ll get some self confidence and realize the world doesn’t revolve around your ex. That’s what helped me anyways, I went to a party at a friends school, met a lot of new girls, didn’t even hook up or anything but felt a lot better afterwards about myself and said hey I don’t need her attention. They key is “I want you, I don’t NEED you”. Also I agree it’s absolutely a rebound if it’s even a thing, they may just be close because he’s using her as a shoulder to cry on. Ignore them entirely and do your own thing for a while, he’s probably sad without you so let him start missing you. Trust me I know it’s easier said than done I’m struggling to stay in NC right now, do your best and remember it’s for the best to stay away for a bit.
Thanks the advice I’ve gotten so far has been very helpful and I already did start talking to other guys and I kissed two guys at a party but the whole time I was kissing them I thought of my ex. Like they were nowhere near as cute of good at kissing like my ex was and I thought of him the whole time. Like I think that’s so messed up that I can’t even get him out of my mind when I’m kissing someone else. Also I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he hasn’t hooked up with anyone yet because he keeps getting rejected. Will that make him miss me more if he keeps striking out? Even though I doubt it will continue were both very attractive people so he’s bound to hook up with someone this weekend. But my biggest problem is not texting him. Because the last few days I’ve really started missing like the old him not the him before we broke up but the him for the past 3 years? Is there any chance if I keep holding off texting him that the old him will come back? Or is he ever gonna wanna text me? We see each other at Thanksgiving for our towns football game which will be exactly a month of us breaking up should I wait to text him then? Or just say hi in person there? I think he thinks I hate him because I unfollowed him on every social network but I only did it cause I can’t stand to see him upload pictures with other girls it kills me. I just need some advice if not texting him will really work? And say if I do wait a month and he doesn’t text me how do I approach him? I just really really want him to miss me and realize what an asshole he’s been.
A lot of people have success with NC, I am only about 2 weeks in but my ex has been checking up on me with our mutual friends. It’s pretty much a guarantee that your ex is doing the same, it’s human nature to be curious especially after dating for 3 years.
If he doesn’t talk to you first and you text him keep it casual and interesting, say something like “oh this show we watch has a new season starting” or “hey check out this trailer for a movie genre I know you love” etc something that’s interesting and shows you know him but isn’t overly emotional or deep, going emotional too fast will blow up in your face since it can bring up negative emotions and the biggest point of NC is to get past that.
About the missing him that’s not a bad thing but to me it sounds like you’re bitter still. Until you can forgive and understand what happened and why he wanted to be apart you cant have a healthy relationship. If you are still upset you shouldn’t see him for thanksgiving but if you are feeling good then go for it.
As for the whole get the old him back, that may never happen. However if he comes back and you work things out you may get a more mature, loyal him, which means you two are better prepared to stay together in the long run. You can’t count any changes he goes through especially now as temporary.
Overall I’d say just let things happen and don’t dwell or overthink it, take things as is and try to get past the bad and look at the good. Definitely don’t worry about other girls they are rebounds and don’t really matter in the long run.
Thanks for the great answer! But what if our NC period should be longer than a month? Like how do you know when the NC period is over? And say if I feel like it’s the right time to text him and what if it’s not and he doesn’t wanna speak?
Okay I need answers quick and fast!!! My ex texted me last night I’m guessing he was at a party drinking because it was a series of texts until 3 am and he texted me saying “can I ask you a question” “why did you delete me on Facebook and all other social media, I didn’t know we were like this. I thought we were gonna be cool.” Like should I answer him or not? The only reason I deleted him on everything is because he was posting pictures with other girls and it was too hard for me to see so I needed to unfollow him on everything. I don’t hate him I want him to know that I just am really trying to get over him and seeing that stuff kills me. So should I answer him or not?
Never respond to drunk calls or texts, except maybe to say come talk to me sober but even that is iffy. When he is drunk the regrets he has will come to the surface, which is good. The bad part is sober him will surpress his regrets until they become unbearable. That’s what NC helps do, by not being around he will regret it more and more. Bottom line, don’t respond to drunk texts, he won’t hold to anything he says and it’ll just reset the clock on getting over him.
I didn’t respond to him when he was drunk I waited until the next morning and said to him “it’s not that I hate you or have a problem with you but I just really need to focus on myself and the social network thing doesn’t help” he then responded (sober) “but Facebook really? I really get Instagram and snapchat but Facebook really?” So I said to him “you may not understand right now but that’s what I need to do” he then said “ok. It was nice talking to you” it was a short weird conversation and I feel like he was very angry at it and I think it’s cause I hurt him and I feel bad about it. Should I be texting him trying to be friends? I would rather be friends than have him hate me but I also don’t want to be friend zoned by him cause I want him back. I really want him to want me back and idk if ignoring him is best or not? Help!!! This is so hard!
Well … in your case … I’ll definitely go NC for a month …
I think you both need sometimes alone to find yourself … and then you can establish a False Friendship with him … till you figure out what you really want … especially if he’s a freshman … he really needs time … and it’s ok … any relationship he will be in now will be a rebound … so don’t worry 
and plz … can you give me your opinion on my story?
But would the false friendship eventually screw me over? Because I don’t want him to just see me as a friend I wanna be with him not his friend. I’m scared to be friend zoned by him. And when should I start following him again on everything? I feel like I should follow him again before I talk to him as friends.
Continue with your NC and stick to de-friending him. If you flip flop, it will be more annoying (from his perspective). You stood your ground and made sure you are interested in whatever he’s having. He will more than likely check you out to see what you’re doing but he can’t be sure if you will reciprocate. That will be on his mind.
But after NC should I try to be friends with him? Like what if he friend zones me?
It will appear that way but you have to keep an edge of romantic interest. Flirt, be interesting, don’t send nothing texts. Also, avoid being too close friends, if you are his emotional sponge he may friend zone you as he has no reason to date you, you fulfill his emotional needs and othe girls can fulfill the dating part. So yes you can establish a friendship but tread carefully to not be too close or he will more likely friend zone you.
Also how do I know if one month of NC is enough? Like I don’t wanna text him and follow him on everything again and him be like no I thought you hated me? I also wanna give him enough time to really miss me
You wont know if one month is enough until the month has passed. Generally, the messier the break up and the more of the mistakes you made, begging, texting all the time, etc that you made the longer you need. If it’s a relatively good break up and you’ve been good with NC one month should be plenty.
If he says he doesn’t want to talk because he thought he hated you he may need more time. However, if you too were together for so long it’s far more likely he will just be happy to talk to you again after so long. He will absolutely be missing you after so long of NC and so overall you should be fine.
Now I just want advice on how I can make myself feel better. This Monday will be 3 weeks from the break up and I’m not feeling any better and I really just want to does anyone have any tips on how I can ignore him and focus on me?
Go out more, like twice as much as normal. Preferably with people of the opposite sex. A great way to feel better and more confident is to have other people flirting with you. That’s not saying you need to date them or even return their interest but meeting new people helps a lot. Working out, getting new hobbies or practice old hobbies are all good to keep occupied. Make sure you don’t sit around and do nothing, that just makes it waaaay worse. You’ll start thinking and obsessing and just feel worse and worse