We dated for two years. We broke up at the end of June suddenly. We were at a music festival, and I had been feeling extremely anxious the whole day. She kept asking me what was wrong and I kept reassuring her that I was just feeling anxious and that nothing was bothering me. All of a sudden she broke down crying and said she “couldn’t do this anymore”. She didn’t have a clear answer for why. It was a mix of different things - our sex life had declined, but a big part of that was both of us had moved back in with our parents at the time. She kept talking about how she didn’t “feel the spark” or “a magical feeling when we kissed”. She also wasn’t sure she was ready for such a serious relationship.
The actual relationship was very good. We would go on tons of adventures. It felt peaceful. We rarely fought and when we did it was over silly things and they resolved quickly, and were never explosive. We respected each other. Both of us felt a profound sense of peace in each others company.
I went no contact with her after we broke up. We’ve both had sex with other people since, I don’t know if she’s dated or not, I’ve “dated” but honestly the only reason I’ve “dated” other people is for sex, I have a hard time finding honest one night stand situations. I’ve mostly been focused on my personal and professional goals, and on traveling. I went to Malaysia right after our break up, last minute trip. I have a month long backpacking trip through Europe planned at the end of this month.
Almost six weeks after we broke up she sent me a reel - it was something silly and politics related. I sent a short reply to it that she left on read. That tag continued for a little while until I broke off the cycle. I went silent for a little bit. Randomly I decided to send her a cool picture of harbor porpoises I took from my boat. She left it on read, it stung for a bit, but I ignored it. Later on she sent me a couple more reels, I had a witty comment for one. It was a reel of a guy who coated his house in tinfoil to escape Netanyahu. I responded saying “Netanyahu sent a plane to almost crash into me midair to get me”. The first words I heard from her since we broke up were “I believe u”.
Sometime after that she texted me something funny she saw on Fox News and then asked “how are you doing btw?” I just told her I was good and focusing on flying lessons and my job. She mentioned she still had a book my dad had lent her to return. I suggested we meet up at a boba shop. She confirmed it. She was (Legitimately) sick for a couple weeks so it got pushed back. We exchanged reels and short texts about various common interests we have.
Boba was nice. She seemed more anxious than me about seeing me despite being the dumper. I noticed she struggled to look me in the eye and her foot was bouncing. Honestly, I had been dreading this exchange for months and it was almost anticlimactic. Something in my head just went “wait, that’s it?” We just talked about how our life had been since for a while, she mentioned that she missed my parents and felt guilty for a short (curt) letter she left them after we had broken up. After a while she mentioned that she should probably get going, but then threw in the fact that she had nothing else to do that day. Against better judgement, I offered to keep hanging out with her since I had nothing to do for another hour or so either. We walked around the mall for the rest of the hour, checking out spots, and eventually just sat on a bench and talked more. Kind of the same conversations we would have when we dated without the baby voice and affection. She let me part her hair to examine her (slowly growing) bald spot. She laughed sweetly when I started nerding out about the plane I was flying to Europe, and then caught herself and tried to put on a neutral face while still smiling while I talked.
I honestly assumed I would never hear from her again, but she is back to the slow exchange of reels.
So what do I do from here? I am gonna be so real I never expected to hear from her ever again after we went no contact, so I didn’t really plan for what to do next lmao. I can’t say we have anything that could be called a friendship. She paces herself pretty carefully when talking to me, and seems to limit how often she reaches out to me to one or two reels. People I am friends to will barrage me with reels.
Part of me feels like the move is to go no contact again, probably around the time I am in Europe and see if it moves the needle for her at all. And if it doesn’t just give up on it. I have a fine life without her, and I don’t think this current setup is hindering my healing. I don’t go out of my way to initiate contact with her, and let her reach out for the most part. But I would be lying if I said I don’t dwell on her motivations for initiating contact with me sometimes.