So… here’s the story. I am a 30 year old woman, ex is a 35 year old man. We were together for 3 years and lived together for 2 years. Both of us screwed up in our own ways. He ended it 3 months ago then later said he’d consider trying again at the end of the year IF he feels right about it. He said we need time apart and we need to grow and have our freedom. I freaked out at first, but I feel I handled it well. I moved out and have been following Kevin’s advice. Got a gym membership, took up new hobbies I’ve been wanting to try, and have been spending time with friends as much as I can. I also did 7 weeks of no contact with him although he did “like” a Facebook post of mine. When his birthday rolled around last week, I sent a little happy b-day text. Before I could even set my phone down, he replied asking me how I am doing. It was a very brief conversation, but all positive. Yesterday, I asked him if he wanted to catch up next weekend and he agreed right away. I know he said he wanted to reconsider the relationship at the end of the year, but the reason why I am doing this now is because I really just wanted to catch up and hang out. I am a nursing student and I also work so I will have basically no time during the semester until the middle of December. Also, school is very stressful and puts me in a negative space. I figured if we did a quick catch up now when I am feeling good, it might spark something in him in the meantime and then we can see what happens later. It will also let me see where he is at. I might not be into him after these 3 months. Maybe he will have an attitude or be off-putting and I would like to know now rather than later.
Now, on to the problem. I am starting to think my idea was well intentioned, but kind of dumb. I am overweight and I want to get back to where I was 4 years ago which will require me to lose 60 pounds!! So far, I’ve only lost 10 after these 3 months. I can barely see or feel a difference. I am only down 1 pant size. So I am worried he will see me and not see enough of a change. Other than that, I feel positive and happy with my life. I definitely feel like I will be fine with getting back together or finding someone new one day. Either way, I am feeling positive about my future. So with THAT, I felt it was okay to meet up for a chat and maybe some coffee.
Have I made a mistake? Is it too soon to meet up again? What should I do or say when we see each other again? What do I wear??? I’m so nervous! Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
I know I didn’t get any replies to this and that is okay I felt like giving a little update anyhow.
I followed Kevin’s advice and kept things positive and fun. There was zero talk about what went wrong with us or who is at fault. It was only about the new things we have been up to.
I think the spark we used to have came back. Things were exciting again, but we were comfortable. It’s an amazing feeling. We talked for hours and had a lot of fun!
@Belle86 - Great that the meet-up went well. Just catching up and enjoying each others company. If he’s willing and wants to try to reconcile at the end of the year, there will need to be a discussion about what went wrong on both sides and how to fix it. In the meantime, continue to lose weight. I don’t know if you talked about contact over the next few months, but don’t initiate too much contact. Reply or respond whenever he gets in touch with you. So far, so good, and wish you luck…
PS: I lost 25 pounds over 3 months to meet my ideal weight about a year ago and haven’t gained any back, so it’s possible if you’re determined:) I did it by only eating two small healthy meals a day and lots of exercise.
Just wanted to give anyone reading this the good news that my ex and I are working on our relationship! I consider us a success story.
There have been a couple of fights and long talks, but mostly good times since I originally posted this. I want to share my story because I firmly believe that if you follow the advice on this site and let go of your ex and live your life, you could find yourself back with them in what seems like no time at all. I’m so grateful for the break we had from the relationship. I had fun and I spoiled myself and made my life about me. He even said I did a 180 and am completely better for it. He has changed too. He makes my wants a priority which isn’t something he used to do.
It’s like we met all over again and it’s so much fun and exciting. I can’t wait to see where we go.
@Belle86 - This is great news! And congratulations:) The only thing I would add is: try very hard not to have “fights”. But if you have any disagreements, discuss it very calmly without name calling or insults etc… Get his point of view and make compromises when able to do so.
I’m also happy to hear he’s been considerate of your feelings, wants, and needs!
You had lost 10 pounds as of your first post. Have you lost more since then?
The advice you gave to others is great! Wishing you the best…
I felt like giving a little update anyhow.