May seem impossible but I want to try my best to get back with him

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

Thanks in advance for reading my posts everyone! I’m so glad that I found this website and the posts have been really helpful! I know this is a long post but thanks for reading in advance!

My boyfriend and I have been dating each other for 8 months. We are in a long distance relationship (7 hours away). It has been a really sweet and nice relationship and he told me he loves me after a month of dating. I knew he was sincere because he has taken me to his entire family, friends, co-workers, etc. I am a foreign student who just came here for a program but I will try my best to land a job here while my boyfriend is an American and has been working for 4 years.

Everything was perfect until several days ago. He has been really busy, like he keeps working and has not weekends anymore. On Monday he told me he’s getting depressed. I was comforting him at first, but suddenly he said " I love you so much but I need a break to get my life in order and break my depression"… He said he felt hard to make me happy and balance his friends and family. He said he’s worrying about me too much and caring about me too much. At last he said “give me a few days to clear my mind.”

I was shocked. I realized I was too needy for him and giving him too much stress. I asked to message a lot everyday and video chat everyday and send me a video before bed everyday. He didn’t say anything about them because he wanted to make me happy too much so he just takes it all. And I may have been too emotional from time to time. And he’s trying too hard to make me happy but I’m too emotional so he’s probably feeling hard. After that conversation, I sent him an email that I promised that I would make several changes and I said I would respect his decision no matter what. But yesterday, when I got his reply, I still couldn’t stop feeling that this is the end of the world. In the long reply he mentioned “Right now I just need time and focus on my family.” And the last sentence was “Thank you so much and I wish you the very, very best of everything”, which made me cry a lot. And he told our mutual friend that “Such a hard hard decision, I just know I can’t handle a strong relationship right now. It’s overwhelming me. I at least need a break, I haven’t been sleeping and the stress had been far too high in the few months.” I am so sorry that I didn’t realize that before, because actually I spent almost the whole summer with him. We went on vacations with family, which turned out to be great. I didn’t notice at all this relationship is almost gone while I still thought it was perfect. Although I was feeling desperate, I didn’t reply his emails or try to text him or anything…

I will sure apply No Contact rule for at least a month. I actually have a lot of things going on right now. The worst part is that I couldn’t focus on my VERY IMPORTANT exam in 10 days and 20 days, respectively because I am too depressed. Could I have any suggestions?

And regarding getting back with him. The good side is that he’s too busy (14 hours working a day and 6 days a week) and he’s not kind of guy who would move on so quickly, so I am not worried that he’ going to date any other girls. However, we’re in the long distance relationship, I seriously don’t know how to show up after NC period without letting him think I want to go back with him (Hey I may drive 7 hours there and I must be up to something!).

Any suggestions to get over my depression and focus on my study, and to get back with him in this long distance relationship?

Thank you very, very much.

2

I think you should get yourself into boxing or something like that to keep your mind busy and just don’t think of the relationship so much yes its hard but that’s only the beginning soon you’ll just wait without killing yourself worrying if they had moved on or not. I can’t say if he’ll move on without you but sometimes it happens it happened to me after a two year relationship I was devastated but I read to occupy my mind and I run now I pray everyday and its easy for me to think of her less find something that’s going to catch your attention away from him. I hope I could help good luck hun (:

3

Awwww thank you Nikkibears!
I’m so happy that you can think of her less now! Do you still think a lot about getting her back?

4

You’re so welcome. Don’t get me wrong I have dreams of her I still think of her the memories never fade. I do because I still want her but there’s those days where I just want to be her friend but I do want her back

5

Hey,
If you two met and almost lived together during summer and you have really good memories,so no matter it was a long distance or not,the plan is the same and you do have a chance to get him back.the only thing that matters is the meeting and its after the NC period and that’s not really a hard thing to do.those are the next steps.for now,all you need is to continue NC.check the NC part of the article and follow the exact same thing.
If you are friends on social media,upload photos that show you are having a great time in your life without him.
Only you can help yourself and if you really want to get him back,make positive changes in your life and be happy and confident.you really need to do this for your own good and to get him back.
Do it and i will help you through your next steps.

Remember,during NC you should get your happiness and self confidence back and accept the fact that you MAY never get him back and be totally ok with that.

Follow the plan and it’ll increase your chances.
Subscribe to kevin’s email series.it will help you a lot.

6

thanks a.z.!

We met last year. He visited me about every three weeks and I visited him in my summer break.

Although we are in this stage, he hasn’t deleted the relationship status on Facebook… Should I do that?

7

Change your relationship status privacy to only me :smiley:

8

From my experience I can tell you that NC is your only hope to either get him back or move on both which will give you happiness. What your ex is going through, I went through something similer. I was under pressure and I couldn’t keep a gf anymore unless I gor myself together but I didn’t care and didn’t tell her that I was going through something. The consequences were that I paid less attention to her. She eventually lost interest in me and decided to break up. Form what it looks like id say you have a good chance. But you have to work on yourself. Like AZ said. Don’t stock either. I’ve made that mistake and it only holds you back.

Wish you the best

9

Thanks LA and a.z., thanks so much for the encouragement and advice! I should have tried more to communicate with him better, maybe this wouldn’t happen…

I’ll stay NC for sure! It’s just my friends told me it may be better if I replied the break-up email by saying “You made the right decision. I completely understand your need time to work on your own problem. You always have my support”, something like that.

Should I do this?

10

If its been less than a week that he broke up with you,its ok.text him and say,
I have been thinking and i have accepted the break up.sorry if i ever acted wrong.i think you made the right decision.both of us need some time and space.wish you all the best.
This gives you the power over the break up and he will forget the negative visions and the needy picture of you right after that.then continue NC for at least 1 month.

11

the meeting up after long distance NC is the hard thing for me too, it’s hard to make it casual, you have to travel so far for what you’re trying to make a casual catch up. you almost need another excuse to be in town and see if they’re free.

12

Sunshine,

I know this is a really hard time; many of us here are going thru it, including myself. Keep yourself busy and make positive changes…

He misses you just as much if not more… I’m on day 20 of NC and I’m going for 90. I have really good days and really bad days. Today’s been a so so day; but having all you here is a great help, I don’t know what I’d do without you guys…(that include you too sunshine… Thanks!!

Joe

13

Thanks a.z., welsey and Joe!!!
I’m replying him email right now… I feel it’s so hard so day “you made the right decision” because I feel like we will be over for good…

14

the long distance between me and my gf is my problem too, I know after the NC if I ask to see her she will refuse, I’ve been thinking of finding a way to see her again, I tried to get help from her friends but they’re horrible, that what makes it so hard for me too ):

15

Hey hani,

Thanks for commenting! I even thought about going to him without telling him if I know he would refuse :frowning: Sometimes I just want to take the advantage that I know his address… But I guess that would be horrible…

Just hope NC will increase my chances to get back with him…

16

Joe–
you’re awesome that you’re aiming for 90 NC period! How are you so determined? I’m so afraid he would lose feelings for me…

17

hey sunshinegirl
no don’t do it if u read my story u will know why, I went to her state last week without telling her, I went with flowers and I did drive for ten hours but she got angry at me and brought her friends to talk instead of her, almost a fight happened, all she was saying that how dare I go close to her home, I went close to her place to make it easier for her to meet up, I think I shouldn’t have done that because it made it worse, but for u it might be different because u know ur bf better than anyone else and u can expect his reaction.

18

Sunshine, If you emailed him… Then your 30 day NC starts the next day after your email…

Sunshine where are you from originally?

19

If you read my story, you’ll see why I must go 90 Days. Its for me not her…

I miss her like CRAZY!!! Today is the worse I’ve felt in a few days…

I honestly don’t think I’d even have a chance. If I do have a chance, its going to take at least 90 days.

20

Thanks Hani -
I was a mess when I said that… But now I am more rational, which I hope I could keep this way… I’ll just follow NC and do not push him at all :slight_smile: Thanks for sharing your experiences and good luck!!!

Hi Joe -
Yeah I just replied his email this morning, I guess I will count my NC from tomorrow :slight_smile: I’m originally from China :slight_smile: Just came to the states last August for my master program. I’ll graduate next year and I will do my best to get a job :slight_smile:
And went to read your post and think you’re on the right track! I believe doing NC is really good for you cause I’m starting to realize the point of NC is YOU not the other one.

And Hi everyone -
So I replied his email this morning when I was very rational, I think that’s a nice email:
"I know this must be a hard decision for you but I completely understand. I understand that right now you need time and space to deal with your stress, work, sleep, and time with family, and that is the most important thing for you right now.

I will stay strong, study hard, and keep hanging out with my friends and making memories.

Thank you very much and you can always talk to me when you’re not that busy. You’ll always have my support and you’ll be in my daily prayers."

Short and not needy (my thought tho). :slight_smile: Hopefully this will make him forget some of the needy version of me. How do you guys think?

And I’m feeling better now! I have this in my heart:“Every improvement is one step closer to him!” “The happier I am, the closer I am to him; the more miserable I am, the farther I am away from him!” Hope the thoughts help :slight_smile: