The Back Story: My ex gf and I met online on a forum when we were both in college. We talked about random things and I gave her my email. She emailed me and we talked through chat for months until we finally started Skyping. I live in Texas, US. She lives in Toronto, Canada. It got serious so I flew up to spend time with her. Then I went to study abroad in Spain and we worked it out to fly her to visit me there as well. She then went to New Zealand to “take a break” from all the school and stress and her parents. She believed she could stand on her own but she didn’t manage to find a job and ran out of money in a few months. She was dreading being seen as a failure to her parents so I got her to change her flight home to fly to live with me at my apartment as I finish out my last year of college (she had 1 more year than me). We lived 9 months together happily and then she went back to finish school. After graduation, I half-heartedly look for a job but ultimately wanted to join the military as an officer because it was my childhood goal. I didn’t find a job and so I told her that I would be joining the military and started the process. In this process (1 year), I didn’t do anything but stay at home with my parents. Before, I was a college student who was outgoing, played sports, and had everything going for me. She was the shy girl (smarter than me) who didn’t open up much except to people close to her. It was one year and we visited each other a few times (me flying to her or her flying to me). I have noticed changes in myself. I had become less confident, more childlike. I got too comfortable. I didn’t have much going for me but I figured I still had a gf who loved me despite it all so I was still doing something right.
The Break Up: 2 and a half years in. It had been a few months of her messaging me less and we went from Skyping every night or almost every night to once a week or every two weeks. We went on vacation in Montreal. She seemed annoyed the whole time and I was annoyed that she had grown cold so I kept annoying her to get even. After I came back to Texas, I messaged her, she didn’t reply for a few days until I finally asked if anything was up (I kinda knew at this point) and she said she had to think some. I have her 2 days and made her talk to me on Skype. She broke up with me. She said she had been feeling exhausted from being more social with her friends lately (again she’s an introvert) and wanted to recharge but I wanted to talk all the time and she recognize that it was because I cared but she was getting more annoyed and tired of me in the past few months because of it. That and I have been acting very chumpy (t-shirt and athletic shorts) and never make an effort when we go out to dress nice (I’ve only dress up a few times when we go to nice places but didn’t have decent clothes as I was a poor college student- admittedly I had a few pair of pants but I didn’t feel was up to par so I never wore them). Then she said she felt the dynamics of our relationship has changed. When she first met me, I was, in her mind, better than her, more confident, and had everything going. Now I was jobless (even though I was in the process of joining as a naval officer- which she didn’t want me doing) and not confident or decisive and she has a job with one of the biggest Canadian banks, although a small starting job, through her father’s connections. She wanted me to always be better than her but now it was opposite. She just didn’t feel attracted to me anymore and she no longer love me. Our last time together was her trying to gauge if she still enjoy being with me but the whole time she was annoyed. I took it in stride as I’m a very calm individual. I told her that I understand but that she could’ve told me earlier in our relationship and I would’ve tried to address the problem or we could work it out instead of holding it in to herself. She apologized for it but that was that. She said I could try to message her and talk to her as she still like me as a person but she would no longer try for relationship sake. I said I understand but I’m still not sure what I would do as this was a serious thing. We both said good bye and that was it.
The Situation Now: She deleted me off her Facebook and messenger, both of which she rarely use. It’s been one month but it’s been a drastic month of change for me. I have not tried to contact her. I’m not one to get too emotional and move on very well. My best friend of 14 years and I got into an argument and I didn’t talk/forgot about him for 2 months before he messaged me to apologize and I remembered and started talking to him again. Within a day of breaking up (which was hard), I was already on a date with another girl and have since been with 2. This helped in rebuilding my confidence. My desire to join the military suddenly went away as well as I crave something more stable now. Within two weeks of the break up, I was offered a very well paying job in another city. I’m moving there next week to start. I have also started working out again and trying to improve myself, buying new clothes to dress better not only for job but for myself, and reading and learning new things like money management and investing. My train of thought is to improve myself as a person overall, from mental to physical to emotional. I already have a nice upscale apartment in a rich neighborhood (but not pricey as I want to live well below my means) and have a job that in 5-6 years I can make 6 figures in. My confidence is back and I think in 2-3 months I will be back in physical peak and playing sports again as well. Then I’ll message her again to catch up and some how eventually win her back as she was a very intelligent girl who could keep up with my conversation and humor and we had great times together before my one year of slump. I understand that there’s no such thing as “the one” and that there are many compatible girls out there. I’ve been with a few of them. But this one I felt was up to my level (notice I have a relatively big ego). If I manage to win her back, awesome, if not, I’m still well off from where I was a year ago and able to move on. I just want to know at what point should I start messaging her again and how to win her back being a long distance thing. And how did such a civilized break up (it was very calm even though I made her cry a bit but it wasn’t vicious) make her do something as petty as deleting me from social contacts that she never really use.
That was long. I didn’t intend for it to be this long. Thanks for reading it.
