Hi all,
Some context before the matter.
My ex and I were together for 10 months, and prior to getting together we were extremely close best friends for maybe 4 months or so. We were the best things to happen to each other, maybe ever, and during those 10 months we were essentially glued to each other. However, maybe… 5 months in? Things began to slip. It reached rock bottom about 3 months ago. I slipped into a state of depression, laziness and insecurity. I stopped being an emotionally loving person, being physically active and began to take my girlfriend for granted. At some point, around 3 months ago we were reaching our breaking point, and almost ended our relationship. We talked things out, and I set out to fix things. I started strong, but quickly slipped back into old habits (as these things unfortunately seem to go typically…). About a month before we broke up, I could sense she was unhappy, so I began to work on myself again… some would say that this was me trying to keep her, and they’d be absolutely correct in that judgement I’m afraid.
Now, the meat of it.
Anyhow, she decided to finally break things after I approached her, vocalising my concerns that she was about to leave me. The first day was not great, I begged a lot and was just utterly ruined on the inside. I knew however that I couldn’t allow this event to keep me down, and that I needed to take the hit and keep moving forward with my life. I was quick to analyse the issues associated with the situation, and for the most part they all revolve around my lack of self-love. I was/am insecure, physically unfit, mentally vulnerable and not there emotionally in the moment. I’ve taken efforts to fix these, but of course this is a long process. I joined the gym, have started to gain confidence back and have been trying to be much more level and emotional with people rather than just physically present. I have my good and bad days still in this regard.
I was going forward with my self-improvement seamlessly for about a week, however she remained in the back of my mind the entire time. I was determined to stick to no-contact, and perhaps contact her in a month or so time or whenever I felt I had improved enough to reach out again. I didn’t end up sticking to it, as about a week later I caved in and thought I should just talk things over with her and try see if there’s any chance we could have at fixing what we had or trying something new. For most, this would be an awful idea, but… it’s weird. She declined my offers of trying again or making something new, but we both did discuss how important we both were to each other in our lives and how this whole situation didn’t seem to warrant us cutting each other out of our lives.
We negotiated a situation that would place us between best friends and lovers; it’s hard to label and we choose to not. However, we have both stressed that this is not a romantic relationship. We are still physically intimate and have had sex since (best one we’ve had), and ended up spending a day together. We talked a lot that day, and discussed a little of our relationship and how that, she would possibly be open to to trying again in the future. The future being, in over a year’s time. See, we’re entering our final year of senior school, getting the marks that will determine if we go to university. She is an extreme academic, and says she just won’t have time for a relationship. I understand that.
Since that day we hung out though, we’ve called and video chatted every day since. She initiates just as much as me, and tomorrow we’re going out on a picnic together on our bikes. We’ve been talking the most and the best than we have in months, really, and I’ve seen her genuinely smile the most in months. We’re both quite happy. She has said that she still does have some feelings for me from the relationship, but hasn’t mentioned anything of starting again.
Overall, I’m happy, and can handle this. I have her and my improvement goals aside, and right now not having the full weight of a poor quality relationship has been liberating for both of us. However, I still think if I’ve got something to be had with this amazing girl. I’m just not sure what to think of it, and am just looking for opinions looking in from the outside.