So I’ll explain a bit. My Ex broke up with me in july, 2 days after my birthday. We’ve been in a relationship for 5 years, she is 24 I’m 25. We had a kind of LDR at that moment, we’re both studying for ships officer. in august we were bound to leave both to a ship for about 5 months. Staying separate at that time. We already lived kinda separately since januari.
She decided to break up eventually, because she didn’t feel in love any more, due to me also being depressed but not acknowledging it.
After two weeks had gone by she came to give me back my stuff and thats when it hit me. I asked her to give us another chance when we were both done with the half year on sea, but she said i should change and not get my hopes up too much, but hinting at a slight chance. Fast forwarding to september, when we both are on a ship, she admitted she already had seen someone who see fell in love with just a week after break up but was not sure about them yet. We kept contact. I eventually did some begging and felt really terrible whilst on the ship. she now already calls him her boyfriend, tho they have not seen each other since august. she also kept contact with me, but continually saying she would not like to have a relationship with me now, and the chance to get back is really slim according to her. On the ship i tried no contact (did not read up on any thing about it, as i was working 12 hours a day on the ship with limited internet). after 2 weeks I broke down and asked for contact again. we had some talks, almost everyday.
Eventually I left the ship and waited everyday for her to begin writing to me. She did this almost every day. She was still on board during christmas. She felt lonely and on christmas eve she initiated a video call. we spoke for about an hour, first day of christmas was the same. She eventually hung up to see what the crew was doing, but i had a feeling she wasnt honest. Later on she told me she did not check on the crew but was making a call, this was probably her new boyfriend. After a day or something i decided to do no contact. after 3 days she was already asking if i was going to be childish and ignore her. I just kept ignoring all her texts. Then she stopped. To eventually ask me 7 days later if I still was up to meet her, as I asked to meet her before I did NC. I still ignored her. some hours later she asked if this meant a no and that I should say something, if I’d like to have contact or not and i should stop ignoring her.
I ignored, it’s already 2 days ago she sent that. I still like to meet her, she is going to leave the ship next week. She will be near for only 2 weeks approximately before she has to go back to school. Also her new boyfriend will leave his ship (same study) around januari the 30th. they will both go back to the school together whilst i’m finished and have to find work.
I planned on making a handwritten letter to her, together with a small plant and dropping it in front of her parents door (where she will stay those 2 weeks). The letter will just contain some well wishes and sorry’s.
Should I do this or should I tell her I’d like to meet her via text? or keep on ignoring?
Seems like she lost interest cause you had depression or whatever you were dealing with. The best thing you should have done was to respect her decision of breaking up. Go straight into no contact and work on yourself to improve your own quality of life and personal goals to elevate your attractiveness. While she may have felt relief after breaking up, she isn’t immediately used to not having you around and starts to wonder and miss you. But it seemed like you kept contact with her and show more weakness by sticking around begging to be in a relationship again. She views you as someone she can always have as “back up” since you’re showing how you will take her back no matter what. Again, that’s unattractive. She’s dating another guy and you’re still sticking around waiting for her. Ignoring her after being friendzoned just upsets her and shows how inconsistent you are with your words and actions. My advice would to state to her that you can’t just be her friend since you still do love her and especially if she’s dating another guy. Give her the space she needs to start reflecting on what she will be missing when you’re possible someone she can’t have anymore. And during the time she’s not having you around for physical or emotional support, work on yourself to become a better you. So when she ever does try to reach out “WITH THE INTENT” of wanting to date you again, she sees a more attractive person in which she wants to pursue.
So, a little follow-up, nothing happened yet. The evening I started the thread I got a message from her congratulating me on my new house (I got a house together with my best friend, on whose instagram she saw we live together now).
in the evening she also tried to call me, this is the last contact she tried to have with me. After this I have not received any messages or calls anymore.
Her departure from the ship has been delayed, so she will leave it somewhere this week. It will also be close to the 30’th day of no contact (stopped contact on december the 28’th)
No contact was a good idea. She will be back soon, so wait until she contacts you or contact her if you want when she returns, but if she’s with the other guy, don’t expect too much, ya know?
Yesterday night I snuck the letter in her parents front door. It contained me saying sorry for beeing a fool and making hardship for her during her stay on the ship. I congratulated her on finishing the internship and told her I’d still love to meet her, although the school’s schedule would be too tight for her probably. I ended with the notion that I’d like to hear from her soon although i would understand if she doesn’t want any contact anymore.
The next morning (today) she asked: when did you drop the letter. this because there were no footprints in the snow (it hadn’t snowed yet).
After this, she said: well it’s nice we can have normal contact again.
An hour later she asked if we can meet in 2 weeks, as she isn’t able to meet up before sunday (she will go back to the island to study). She told me she’ll bring my old studybooks as she doesn’t need them anymore.
I told her I don’t know my schedule yet, so we’ll talk about it later.
What do you mean by she “asked” about the letter? Phone call, in person, or text? She wants to meet up with you in two weeks, but did you find out if she’s still seeing the other guy?
What to do now? You could do some casual contact or wait for her to let you know what day, time, and place the meet up will be…
She is going to an Island to finish her studies, it’s a small island with not much but nature and some small villages.
She will stay there for about a year more. Same with the other guy, he also has to finish his school. They’re in the same year.
No, the plan was to see her before she would leave to the island, but this was no longer possible. She is now already on the island with that guy. She will try to meet in 2 weeks time as she will be on leave from the school.
So now she is with this guy whom she spoke to for about half a year whilst being on the ship. She also met him for two weeks prior of going on the ship. I guess now is the time she will get annoyed by him, finding out they’re not really into each other, or not compatible.
I’m getting a (new) job in the meantime and maybe she will want to try it with me again after we’ve met, or the idea will grow on her. I don’t know how it’ll work out and how to turn the tide.
So ever since she left to the island she didn’t try to contact anymore.
I asked her the evening if she was on the island already on which she did not reply for 2 days, only to answer ‘certainly’
We don’t have actual contact anymore. Am I supposed to just go and ask her about her day?
No, she lost interest in you and now she’s with another guy. You need to stop grovelling and acting needy and clingy. Maybe she will contact you about a meetup before or during her break from school.
Think about dating other women who are nearby to you.
Congrats on your new place and hope you get the new job.
past Wednesday I went to the island she studies on, to deliver some assignments I still had to deliver to the school there. Then she saw me at the ferry, as she was going to her parents, whom are not on the island.
I had to stay a bit longer for a doctors appointment. but whilst waiting at the doctor’s she asked me if i was also on the ferry, so we could talk to each other (the trip home is about 5 hours from the ferry, train and bus). I told her I wasn’t, I would take the ferry that is at a later time.
We kept on talking to each other via text. She has a holiday till next week, so I asked if she had any plans. She was trying to get some rest and meet some old friends. I asked if we could meet up (as she promised 2 weeks before) she didn’t know yet and told me she wanted some rest.
Then on friday I asked her if we could go to a museum together, she declined and told me she doesn’t want to meet yet, that she will tell when to meet and not for a long activity, but just for a cup of coffee. so I told her that’s fine by me and she should tell me when.
As far as I know she won’t be spending this week with the new guy she has/had. and her reacting that she wants some rest feels like she has been kind of rejected by him… at least she doesn’t sound as confident as before.