Is NC still worthwhile for short term relationships?

Firstly this website is a breath of fresh air and has helped greatly, I shall try to keep my story short.

I had been single for 2 years and come out of a horrible relationship where I was cheated on. Since then I have dated countless girls, some have gone ok but to be honest, I was never ready to move on.

Then at the beginning of September I met a girl. I’m 34 she is 27. Things went extremely well although like me she had been hurt in the past and as a result had been single for a long time. We had a handful of small rows during, most were due to me being an open book and she was very closed off about her feelings. For example 2 weeks in she started an argument over something I had said the day before. She later apologised and stated she has a habit of pushing away when she really likes someone.

Anyway apart from the minor tiffs we had, all went well. We text constantly, everyday. She even changed her status on Facebook to in a relationship for the first time in years and was congratulated by loads of people for the 2 of us.

Then she took me away for an evening for my birthday which must have cost hundreds and then in the same week invited me round to meet her parents/family. This went really well and they liked me although they did mention a few times I deserved a medal to put up with her!

Anyway that was the Saturday, on the Monday we were both stressed at work but still text each other (we don’t work together) when we had an argument over text over something petty. During which I said ‘I am done with this’ and explained I was frustrated I couldn’t offer an opinion without her being sensitive. She said she didn’t want to discuss it any further.

I gave it a day to calm down only to then notice she had changed to single on Facebook. I text her saying I was sorry for the argument and she said we don’t work and was out and didn’t want to talk to me. The next day she changed to ‘its complicated’ on Facebook and I admittedly got very angry for the first time in the 2 months together. I told her she was childish for doing it all over Facebook and that she could have the decency to talk to me properly.

That night she rang me and spent an hour critising everything I ever did wrong. I tried to sort things out but she wasn’t having any of it. At the end she asked me to apologise for saying she was childish etc that morning, not wanting to be walked over I refused, she cried and hung up and I didn’t hear anything until the next morning where she said if I had apologised she would have given things another go. I continued to try the next day however she replied she wanted 2 2 weeks space to think about it. I initially politely declined but then sent one last text message saying I deserved better then to be practically dumped via Facebook and that it wasn’t fair to ask for 2 weeks when she knew I’d just be waiting around. She replied saying that’s how it was and I blocked her for a week.

I went back a week later and unblocked her and apologised for getting angry. We spent hours messaging and again she continued to criticise me. I apologised countless times and asked for a chance to meet up and clear the air as we never argued in person. 2 days later I got angry over text and I said I had given her space and apologised but she was still giving me the run around. Initially we argued but then she said she had missed me and was pleased I had messaged her but all the bad was still there and she couldn’t stop feeling that way. She asked if we could go for dinner or if I could come round 3 days later as she was busy the weekend. I agreed and left it and didn’t text.

The day before I get a text saying, sorry I am cancelling tomorrow, nothing is going to change, I wish you well. That was it. I made the mistake of initially almost begging her to see me but she refused. I became angry and messaged her saying she was messing me about etc. She didn’t reply. I rang her the next day and she immediately rang me back. She was exceptionally cold, said she would not see me, that our 2 months together was a waste of time and that she only ever agreed to see me to shut me up (she suggested it not me and after saying she missed me!). She also had been texting me a lot even if it was all bad. It ended with me saying well if you don’t want anything to do with me block me on facebook (that’s what we messaged on during this time). She said if that’s what I suggest she will and that she wishes me well and ‘like you said you will find someone better than me!’

That’s the last I heard. I text her after saying I really cared about her and was gutted it ended that way but goodbye. I am still blocked on Facebook but she hasn’t blocked me on anything else.

Now I know this all might seem crazy after only 2 months but we were genuinley really into each other and had fallen for each other very quickly. She initiated us becoming an item and meeting the family.

It’s been 8 days since I was blocked from facebook and I still am. Is it worth the no contact rule or was our short relationship not long enough to make any attempt to get her back worthwhile? Also is the fact I’ve already broken some of the rules after the initial break up mean I can’t win her back?

Sorry it come out so long. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Chris

Hi Chris,

if you are not blocked elsewhere, I think you should continue contacting her. Be nice and pleasant. It sounds like all you talk about is the relationship itself. It is kind of tiring. Only avoid falling into the friend zone. After a while you can do NC. I’ve already been contacted by someone after weeks even if it was a short term relationship

Hi

Thanks for the response.

After the initial NC of a week, when I went back I apologised and tried to just keep it civil, however it was her that was just constantly criticising over everything. It resulted in me just apologising constantly for things in truth, I probably shouldn’t have apologised for however I just wanted to resolve it.

When that didn’t work I admittedly become frustrated as there is only so much you can do when someone is so focused on the bad stuff.

I would contact her but I don’t want it to appear me grovelling back again.

All I can consider is waiting for her birthday in 2 weeks and sending a happy birthday message and see how that goes, although I’m not hopeful anymore as there doesn’t seem to be any effort at all on her part. I don’t expect her to message me if I’m honest, I just thought she would have unblocked me out of curiosity or to open the door for me to re contact.

Update;

So last weekend I broke NC after 2 weeks. I didn’t say much just asked how she was doing. After a brief text conversation it went quiet and I ended up sending a long message about how I felt and that I know she had been saying some bad stuff about me on Fb (a guy I work with is friends on Fb with her) however she doesn’t know that I know him.

Anyway the next day was manic. She text me constantly asking who it was who told me. We spoke on the phone for a bit but she just shouted at me.

That evening we talked civilly on the phone for 2 hours as per her request. We discussed everything and she apologised for acting badly at the end. I got the impression she only did this to try and find out who had told me but nether the less it was a positive conversation where we resolved most things.

The next day I text her in the afternoon asking if she would like to meet sometime. She declined saying it wasn’t all resolved. I said not to worry had a little joke with her and left it until the evening when I text her saying I know she had been dating (she openly told me) and it was fine. I wished her well and included a couple of songs I recorded and left it at that.

All of a sudden last night I get a text from her saying she wasn’t dating or seeing someone and that she liked the songs. She stated she wanted to have her last say as I was wrong. This was the first time she had ever text off her own back.

She text me throughout the night and the morning (I think she was out drinking with her friend as her texts didn’t make too much sense). Initially I thought it was going well but she again continued to have a go at me constantly about various things. Every time I tried to joke around she become dismissive and rude towards me.

In the end she said you won’t be able to text me anymore and with that blocked me literally from everything.

NC is now out of my hands as I have no way of contacting her. I just don’t get why on this occasion she felt the need to break NC just to again constantly have a go at me. Can anyone assist?