Hello, I’m in a really confusing situation with my ex and it’s hard to say the least. I’ll start from the beginning but try not to bore you guys to death with too many details. I moved into the apartment right next door to his, this is how we met. He had a girlfriend at the time. We started hanging out as friends, quad rides and drives to find haunted houses ect. It eventually turned into a physical relationship and before long I told him I cannot in good conscience continue the relationship as long as you have a girlfriend . That same week he left his girlfriend of almost a year and we started dating. Everything was great but we would get into arguments over jealousy issues and break up but would usually end up back together within a weeks time. The arguments would come when he would look on my phone and see messages from guys that are friends but sometimes he would see a comment that he didn’t like or notice that a few of them may want to be more then friends, this caused me to look at his phone , knowing how our relationship started I was sure he wasn’t perfect either. As it turns out he corresponds with many girls, flirts with girls, talks to his ex’s pretty regularly. And rarely mentions me and when I am mentioned in these messages he’ll say things like yeah we’re fighting right now but that’s whatever, we’re not getting along and in 1 instance even called himself single and when I confronted him he said yeah single cuz I’m not married, and claimed that what he was doing was innocent,joking, they are friends, your crazy! He said because he doesn’t erase his messages or tries to hide them it’s okay but because I erase mine I’m being sneaky and it’s not okay. This is most of our problem. This past time we broke up was because of this guy I was talking to on Facebook out of spite bcuz I was angry at him for having double standards. Immature I know! he messaged the guy and the guy was mad at me for standing him up and for 2 days told my ex everything I said about him. So when I tried to talk to my ex he wouldn’t answer the phone, texts . Nothing. He completely shut me Out. He admitted to looking for advise online and I’m pretty sure he came across the no contact rule, I tried this rule after he broke his to see if I could get him to txt first for a change, I didn’t contact him at all for days, it worked he messaged me and wanted to see me and said he’s confused and he doesn’t kno what to do, he said i scare him to death, and he has to weigh the risks and the benefits of taking me back, at the beginning I was emotional I didn’t know how to take him ignoring me and I acted a bit needy but when I realized it’s not helping the situation I took a step back and gave him time. This worked , when he didn’t hear from me he texted and said how did we make such a mess of things and because he’s only a door away he ended up coming over on the conditions that we were not getting back together and of course one thing led to another and the next day I thought i would feel better bcuz I saw him but I felt more hurt and used and violated in a way, because we still arent together , he said we have to work on bettering ourselves as individuals and then maybe when we both do that we can be together. So I didn’t hear from him for a whole day and a half and I didn’t contact him either, he texted me today and said he’s confused he doesn’t kno what to do and asked me to come over so he could shut off his brain. I went over and had a repeat of the other night and then he went to work. I feel the same way as I felt the other night. Used .he admitted to being jealous when he saw my guy friends stop over during the breakup he says he loves me but he’s still extremely hesitant on getting back together. I don’t understand this , he said he has never had to weigh his risks with a girl before and I said I haven’t either , he also says he’s not usually jealous either but with me he is, I have never cheated on him or have given him a real reason not to trust me. But he isn’t the best looking guy , but he has an amazing personality and that’s what I fell in love with, I get told slot that I’m really pretty why are you with him? It’s his loss, he’s never gonna get a girl as pretty as you again, I get hit on a lot when we go out and on Facebook. Could this be the problem? Does he feel threatened? Is there something i can do to assure him i only want him ?i even deleted my Facebook account completely to try and show him that he means more to me then FB and a bunch of ppl i don’t know or care about hitting on me all the time, if FB was part of the problem then I’ll get rid of it. I think he’s happy with that decision, but it isn’t enough. I forgot to mention that he also lives with his best friend , I have come up with 3 scenarios in my head in the real problem and I could be on target or way off but I really need some answers and a direction to move in weather it be getting over him or moving on and I’m desperate at this point to get to the bottom of what is really going through his head.ncould it be that he knows he has the upper hand at this point because of how I begged him to talk to me when we first broke up? I’m not like that now.as far as he knows I’m just as “confused” as he is. I hate that word to describe a feeling towards a relationship btw. I told him he is a mystery that I will solve. I kno a lot of actions and words said after a breakup aren’t always accurate but that’s all I really have to go on right now. Also we have been together for 6 months approx. I don’t kno if he thinks he looks like a punk taking me back all the time in front of his guy friends that are probly encouraging him to move on. Or if he really sees a risk in being with me, a risk of getting hurt, a risk of me upsetting his perfect little life , he has also told me drama follows me I ruin his peace and I bring chaos to his life, this was the night of the breakup but it was said. Or is it because he really is confused? What does it mean to be confused in a relationship ? I mean isn’t love pretty cut and dry? You either love the person or you don’t , you want to be with the person or you don’t ,doesn’t love conquer all? With love anything is possible? Or is this just a bunch of horse sh*#? I love him , and I could never leave someone that I love for good because I want to play it safe. No way, take risks , live on the edge, fear holds you back from things that could have been so beautiful had you taken the chance, and aren’t relationships always the hardest during the first year because your beginning to learn eachother. If it all ends a train wreck then you deal with it when the time comes, take the necessary amount of time needed to heal, make the appropriate adjustments and move on and at the very least learn a life lesson in the process and become a little bit stronger/wiser because of it. Isn’t that what life’s all about? Who wants to live with the big WHAT IF? Who wants to live with regrets? All because you feared the end result. I’m not bad for him or detrimental in any way. Is this just a ploy to use me for sex? This is what I fear most and I would really appreciate any input or advise you have on this , he also mentioned something about reading online that you have to be friends first for a lasting relationship I believe we are friends and so does he but do we need to become closer friends first? Is it a good sign that he is researching relationship advise? he has been playing a song nonstop that I dedicated to him post breakup about someone who is not in love with their ex anymore and explains a few of the things in the song that went wrong in their relationship ( justin beiber and Selena Gomez) the song is by justin beiber and it’s called love yourself. Is he listening to it because he misses me or because he likes the song or is it because he relates so much to the song and it’s inspiring him to move on ? One last thing that plays a big role in our problems is his mother , we get along great when we’re getting along but when we argue it gets ugly. He is very close to his mom but he knows she’s a trouble maker but it’s still his mom and he makes that clear. But at the same time has asked his mom not to mess this up for him being she is partly responsible for many of his breakups. Is the way to his heart through his mother? Me and her are on really good terms right now and I think that’s part of the reason he called me today to talk. Could he be jealous and use me for sex, or do those 2 things not go hand and hand usually. Or is he trying to not get back together but sometimes he misses me so much that he caves and we see eachother. We do have a very strong sexual connection and we love spending time together and before the breakup we were always together. Thank you for your help in advance. Is it to late to continue on with this no contact rule that just seems so long and impossible , does it have to be 30 days? What if he moves on and forgets me and I lose him forever? I’m lost obviously has anyone else been in these shoes? Looking forward to hearing back from you - heartbroken in old forge pa, Shannon
Please use paragraphs next time! It’s easier to read 
From what I’ve gathered,
Go forth with no contact. Remember, no contact is for YOU to better yourself. What I suggest is really finding your own self confidence. You need to constantly work upon your jealousy issues. Also getting in touch with another guy in spite of your boyfriend whilst being in an argument is not a good way to solve an issue. You need to realise that you need to look back at your relationship and truly evaluate yourself. Better the things that your ex grew tired of.
All the best! Xx