I need some advice. I don’t know whether I should continue to pursue my ex or just give him time. Here’s my story:
I started dating my ex in Feb of 2016. We had an instant connection, and it was a whirlwind after that. He fast tracked a relationship on me: week 3 he asked me to be his GF, week 4 he took me on a romantic trip to a beach cottage, week 5 he introduced me to his children at the lake house, and week 6 he said I love you. I didn’t say it back at first as it just seemed to be going so fast, but I certainly felt it. I loved him. We were talking about marriage and babies.
Then we had our first argument: it was a late Sunday evening, I was tired and grumpy, he was still entertaining his brother and his friend, I tried to explain to him that I came over to his place to be with him, but he insisted I was trying to start an argument which he said his ex-wife always used to do, he kept asking me to leave, I eventually apologized for being a brat, he accepted and calmed down, and I thought all was well.
Then he started pulling away and not messaging as much. He later explained that he felt like he was being pulled in too many directions and didn’t have time to keep up with his responsibilities and felt guilty for not giving us a chance (he said he was also concerned that we had a communication disconnect). I understood this and accepted it and told him that we should just focus on quality and not quantity of time. (He really does have a lot going on: 2 very active teenage children that he has more than his ex, a brother with terminal cancer who lives with him and doesn’t have much longer to live, and a new start up business.)
He broke up with me in June 2016 by text 2 days before my birthday saying that he was sorry for doing this by text but was afraid that if he met with me or spoke with me by phone that he would agree to continue the relationship. I was so shocked that I freaked out.
I then did 30 days of NC and when I reached out to him by text, he responded within a minute in an overwhelmingly positive way. That was in July 2016. We’ve been texting each other since then with most all of the texts being initiated by me. He almost always responds (unless he’s overwhelmed or stressed) with long flirty fun text messages. We’ve also gone on a few dates and I got intimate with him twice thinking we were getting back together (once in Oct and in Nov, won’t be doing that again).
The last time I was with him was right before Thanksgiving 2016. We had an amazing date. We were laughing, kissing, and holding hands in public. During this date: he told me how he wanted me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family, asked about spending Christmas with me in Colorado, and talked about a beach trip to California, and then he went dark on me (yet again) as his brother was very sick and in the hospital.
Our communication was very little through December to April as I was frustrated and unsure how to proceed. I reached out to him on his birthday in April. He responded back and asked me to meet him after work for a drink. We met up and had some somewhat awkward conversation (because we hadn’t seen each other in 5 months), and he apologized for going dark. We hugged at the end and he kissed me on the check. Now we’ve been texting every few days. And two weeks ago we were sexting (nothing too crazy) and he told me that’s he’s been fantasizing about me for the last several months and that I was the best sex he’s ever had and he can’t get me out of his mind. But again, he feels he’s too busy for a relationship.
I guess I’m confused about whether he really is too busy for me or if he doesn’t see enough value in our relationship to continue dating… Should I keep reaching out to him by text? Or should I give him time to figure his stuff out and hopefully miss me?
Please help! Thank you!
