Like so many women reaching out through this site. I’m in a conflict. As backgrounder, my ex of a bit more than 1 year broke up with me last month because he said the relationship has become stale. That I was too much, or that it’s all too good to be true, because we almost never fight. But a week after, I found out that he likes someone else now. And he admitted that he liked her even before our break up but insisted that she’s not the reason why he broke up with me.
Anyway, fast forward, we started communicating again after no contact. He initiated it. Saying that he misses me. And that he’s been checking on my facebook profile everyday and glad that I seem like I’m having fun. He also said he’s jealous of other people he knows who are interested in me (I’m not gonna deny that I’m a bit popular). He asked if we can be friends. And I agreed. We started texting/chatting on facebook again and had a date just yesterday. It was fun. We had a lot of laughs and shared stories. Generally, it was a great date. However, I realized I still have immense feelings for him. I still love him. And instead of coming home from that date feeling great or happy, I felt heartbroken because I feel like there’s a wall between us that I just want to break down.
He knows I still have feelings for him (because I told him before he asked me out on a date. Ah, silly me.) And I can’t help but wonder if he still has feelings for me too. Although he initiates the conversation and sends a lot of messages if I don’t reply, he takes a step back when things start to become good or when we start talking about plans. I also can’t get it out of my head that there’s a possibility that he’s also texting/chatting the other girl while he’s texting/chatting with me. He still likes her.
First of all, jealousy and arguments kill relationships. And jealousy is not a good reason on it’s own to get back together. I think it’s a good sign that he initiates messages and you both had a good time together on the date. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to reunite. Are you the one who asked to meet up?
For now, answer his messages politely even if just a sentence or two. He knows you still have feelings for him, so don’t say it again and don’t ask him about his feelings for you! Observe how he treats you and go with the flow to have fun. Do NOT ask about the other girl as you will come off very clingy.
If over a period of a couple of months or so, he doesn’t ask to be exclusive, you will have your answer that he doesn’t feel as strongly about you as you do about him. At that point you could tell him you need to move on.
Thank you so much for the response! To answer your Qs, he’s the one who asked me to meet up that day. He’d also been wanting to tag along with me when I went to a group gathering but I didn’t let him. Basically, he’s the one initiating contact, both through chats or meet ups.
It’s a good thing right?
Although he still says he’s confused about what he feels and what he really wants.
I guess I’ll take your advice and continue with whatever this is until a few months or so.
Wait, scratch that. I think I just made the worst mistake ever. My ex came over just a few hours ago and we had sex. AGHHHH I CAN’T HELP IT! ? After that, I felt really confused. I don’t want us to be friends with benefits. That when he left, I immediately messaged him, telling him that I need some space and that I think we both need to stop talking/seeing each other for a while. We exchanged messages about it. He was sorry. He thought he hurt me again. He said he’s still confused about us or how I mean to him. And now he has blocked me off facebook.
Did you invite him over, did he ask to come over, or did he just show up unannounced? I wish you could have had more control and not had sex with him, but at the same time, I understand you wanting to. It would have been great to start slowly and go out to have fun times together, maybe thereby building up attraction again. But after you had sex, it would have been better to just do something fun, or talk about light things, or even watch TV for a while. Immediately messaging him and telling him you need to stop talking and seeing each other was a mistake. I understand your confusion, but you made everything more difficult and created drama, which guys hate. He apologized thinking he had done something wrong, but you were a willing partner to agree to having sex. He obviously cares about you and he doesn’t want to hurt you. It seems you two are still physically attracted to each other, but you need more and so does he. I thought it was great that he was contacting you and thought maybe you two would start slowly - going out and having fun like I’m sure you did when you first met. The only thing left to do now is to keep your word and not contact him for awhile. Later on, ask to meet for coffee or dinner and let him know you enjoyed the sex, but it confused you as to what he was thinking or feeling. Ask if he would like to start communicating and dating with a clean slate because you both enjoy seeing each other and have fun together:) Don’t make a big deal of it or drag out that conversation! I understand you’re both confused at this point, but the only way to clear up the confusion is to spend some time together and for each of you to figure out if you’re a good fit or not.
You mentioned him saying the relationship had become stale after a year, but I wonder if either of you know about the “honeymoon” stage which is when a couple first starts dating and everything seems exciting and passionate, but after a while, the intensity dwindles somewhat and it’s normal! I don’t know how old he is, but there’s also the possibility that he feels he hasn’t gone out with enough women to know and understand what he wants and doesn’t want in a relationship.
I’m sorry he blocked you on Facebook, but all is not lost yet. Do you have his email or phone number? Just wondering if there might be a way to contact him later on if he doesn’t contact you first.
Anyway, he asked to come over because I was sick. And things went further than I thought it would. I guess being sick clouded my judgment. That’s why, after drinking the meds (which he brought for me), and having a bit of rest, I came to my senses that telling him that I can’t see him again was horrible! And immediately sought for an advice.
Also, he’s turning 26 and he’s been in A LOT of relationships. By a lot, i meant he’s dated more girls than the number of years he’s been on earth. lol (but only 2 were serious). But I understand he has some issues.
Yes, I have his number, so contacting him again won’t be impossible.
How long do you think I should keep quiet?
PS. Thank you for the advice! I can’t tell this to anyone who knows me because they all believe that we’re the conservative type especially because we both serve in the Church (although we serve in different areas so we don’t really have it as an excuse to see each other) ?
@Rea - The advice here is 30 days of no contact, but since you are just barely starting to re-connect, 2 weeks would probably be a good time to contact him. Make it short and sweet as in don’t go on too long about why you felt the need to say no talking or seeing each other. His response might be guarded, but after you apologize, move on to a different topic. He might ask to see you, but he might need some time to think about it. Good luck and keep us posted:)
