Hi there,
My ex left my text message after almost 18 years together. My elderly mother had come to stay with us for a while and this became five years. He was very good and caring in the beginning, however as time moved on she came on all our holidays as she would not go in to respite and I had no family support. This meant wheelchair, oxygen, medication, planning her meals before we go out, facilitating her needs. As she grew older her medical needs escalated and there have been many ambulance calls and hospital stays. As the only one around I was there every day, sleeping beside her bed when she almost died. When she was home again her behavior towards him changed as she wanted my attention. There was some nastiness and manipulation which I could not see.
He felt totally pushed out and put me under pressure to choose. I could not do that and was totally caught up in this vortex, not putting my needs first. He began drinking and becoming increasingly frustrated asking if anyone could help. My sister was never available at any stage and never provided any help or offer to stay with her while we went away and had a break. There was incredible tension in the house and we also had carers and health professionals in and out every day so we had no privacy. Our personal time was always interrupted.
We have been in touch by text in the last seven months and met each other a few times in the early months of the split. He had told me that he was moving out and I never asked him to stay giving the horrible living situation. The last time we met was late July and the last time we spoke was about a month ago. The last text was yesterday when he said it would not be a good idea to meet for a chat, I should get on with my life and be happy that he had chosen to be alone. A few weeks before that he could tell me what cars were parked outside my front door.
Is it too late to introduce the NC rule. I am very raw and still very emotional and knowing him, he is very hurt. in spite of the hurt and tension, there seemed to be love between us but the situation was not tenable. He bought me thoughtful birthday presents before he left!
Please help. We had a good life, shared so much and so many new experiences. Every part of the house has his mark on it as he did so much.
Thank you.