Quinn- My story is kind of posted everywhere in stages. Long story short(well shorter than reading all my posts anyway), he told me he’s in love with me but is afraid of how he’d make himself commit to me going forward/afraid of my kids so he ended everything. He’s started dating a girl that tried to get between us when we were together. I’ve pretty much decided that permanent NC is probably the best for me in my situation- he has to work past being afraid of the kids on his own, I can’t stop him from over committing, and I can’t trust him now that it seems like suspicions that I had with this other girl were right. He wants to be friends but that will take a long while if ever for me. It makes complete logical sense to be done with all of it but the emotional part of everything is struggling to play catch up for me.
Getting help with those problems will be the best thing you could do for yourself, trust me! I’ve watched so many people turn their situation in life into something so much better because of getting the help they need. I hope for both of your sakes that he gets the help he needs as well but try not to worry about it (I know that’s easier said than done!). A healthy you will be better for everyone and he has to make the healing decisions on his own in the end. Concentrate on the better you for now.
Hey,
I kept posting something here but i don’t know why i can’t find it.
I was saying write your feelings down.emotions relate to the left side of the brain,writing order is from the right side and when you write your feelings,your focusing on writing so it reduces the pain.
Thanks a.z! I knew you would reply. You’re so helpful and kind. I am the same way. (Something my ex took advantage of)
I actually did do the writing thing earlier. It helped a bit. I go from being angry, very angry, to feeling really sad, to feeling okay. I do stay busy, but it’s hard to stay busy constantly. This is my third day NC, and it’s harder than the past two days.
He called me last night at 1:30am. Obviously he was drunk. He also called a few minutes ago. I have him blocked, but I have an iphone and I can still see when he attempts to call but not texts.
This makes me feel better, which is terrible because I feel like I am playing games. It seems that it is always a power struggle with me and I always want to have the upper hand. In the past when I have “given in” it just always ends with too much emotion from both of us and each one of us trying to hurt the other. I need to get to that point where I am not “crazy” like this, and I know from past experiences that it takes me a lot of time to get to that point.
And I am willing to bet the text messages he is attempting to send, that I am not getting, are super sweet, then super mean, then apologizing for being mean, then angry again and baiting for a reply. It’s all so predictable.
Yeah,i know what exactly your talking about.its like an hormonal imbalance.you start to remember the negative facts about your ex then you get angry,then you feel like you hate him,then you tell yourself that maybe it was also your fault,then you wish you could change it from the beginning,then you remind yourself of the good times you had and the positive parts of your ex and your relationship and that’s when you feel sad.and this seems like its circulating forever.
But its not.i know its hard but try to do a physical activity.it may sound stupid but if you can’t go out,do it at your place.physical activities balance these kinda hormones and it really makes you feel better.
Whenever negative thoughts come to your mind,tell yourself that this isn’t permanent and you decided to this for your own good,and you can change everything later if you want.trust yourself and you can do magic.
You really are just like me
I was the one who always had the upper hand and when he finally told me he needed space,i was like,what???is he rejecting ME??? and that was wrong.
And after that,whenever he tried to contact me,or sent those sweet msgs,it was like a relaxing pill to me.and then again i used to feel like i got the power and there were 2 reactions from me.either rejecting him with my actions,or rejecting him with my words.and then it was all like you predicted.and its actually good that you can predict it so you can change it.
I’m sure you are really strong and you can make it/i was lucky my ex never contacted me during NC cuz i could never resist it.
I think I will go crazy if he stops trying to contact me. At least that’s how I feel now. I’m sure that will get better with time. I honestly don’t even know what I want anymore. That’s why I’m doing this whole NC thing.
I’m going a bit crazy today with racing thoughts. I miss him being here. Hopefully when I go to work, that will keep my mind occupied. Why am I SO irrational and insane when it comes to myself, but so level headed for everyone else? Ha.
All of us are irrational when it comes to ourselves.and its ok if you miss him.i still miss my ex after 6 months.so don’t worry about anything and don’t blame yourself for anything.just get yourself busy and try to have some fun.
he should really act as a mature and leave u alone for some time because that was my problem too, my ex always asked for some space but I never gave it to her and at the end she broke up with me. I wish I could tell him not to do the same mistake I did. good luck and If u think that’s the best for u go for it.
Quinn,
You story is very interesting. Its like you AR.E the lady that dumped me LOL. Her actions mirror what you have done. I am 5 days into NC and it is getting slightly easier each day but my nighst are hard. My ex is 52, I am 46, are you significantly younger than us? Does anyone think age matters much with afffairs of the heart? I think not. We love and get hurt at all ages.
She told me she is afaraid of hanging out as friends because we might “cross the line” and that she still has feelings for me. And I know I displayed anger and impatience and I am working on that in NC.
I understand now that giving her space for many weeks is a good way to respect her feelings, but why do I fear I am losing her forever by doing so? LOL
