Im Back and better than ever

reconciliation
1

Hey all, sorry its a long one. I was here months ago when we first broke up. People… The key to success is no secret… what all these posts say about working on yourself is completely true. Become the best version of yourself and you will be so confident in the universe just putting things into your life the breakup will seem meaningless.

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. I was getting complacent and lazy and I definitely needed a wake up call… Im grateful for that experience because I have never been this attractive of a person. I have worked on myself and everyone around me notices.

I had been talking with my ex every couple of days starting a week ago. Not long convos but short and usually just asking questions. She agreed to go hiking with me and we went yesterday. We both had an amazing time. She even said she had never seen this side of me before. We had dinner at her place afterwards and I was getting vibes i could escalate the situation so i smacked her butt. She seemed uncomfortable with it and i apologized shortly. She agreed to watch a movie and she fell asleep very quick.

The issue here is I’m just getting feelings that shes just agreeing to these things out of pity. While she was passed out I got up and left. I should have addressed the situation there.

When I got home I messaged her and told her I felt like she was chilling with me out of pity and I deserve better than that.

She said she was sorry and its not what she intended… and maybe its just better were not friends yet. I agreed respectfully and that was it for the night.

The next morning i texted her. in short I stated that I do forgive her but I don’t deserve or can’t help feeling like that. And basically told her if she wants a more physical friendship to give me a shout if she wants to hangout again.

She replied saying we had different intentions and just wants to be friends. And if i want something more physical and her butt getting smacked, she doesn’t want to hangout with me.

I told her I respect that and she deserves whats best for her.

I sent her the photos she was in on the hike the previous day. She thanked me and said she really had a lot of fun and that she thinks its awesome im into photography because its something i talked alot about before.

I just let the comment sit and that was the end of the conversation… I was just planning on letting it be and maybe she contacts me.

However, I do really like this woman, and I am open to be more than friends with her again… possibly even a relationship if it gets there. I just dont want to be friendzoned, I am too attracted to her for that.

I most probably made some mistakes in this situation but what can I do heading forward to resolve this issue.

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@killwithkindness

“I was getting vibes i could escalate the situation so i smacked her butt.” This was your first mistake.

“While she was passed out I got up and left. I should have addressed the situation there.” No, you should have left a note saying you had a nice day and goodnight, then left.

“When I got home I messaged her and told her I felt like she was chilling with me out of pity and I deserve better than that.” Another mistake! It seems you didn’t appreciate a nice day of hiking and dinner and wanted to get physical. No decent girl would want sex after breaking up and just one day together.

“The next morning i texted her. in short I stated that I do forgive her but I don’t deserve or can’t help feeling like that. And basically told her if she wants a more physical friendship to give me a shout if she wants to hangout again.” A HUGE mistake! Forgive her for what? She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t deserve what you did or said. Telling her if she wants a more physical friendship to give you a shout? What? This would make her feel like a slut who would want and like a friends with benefits thing.

“She replied saying we had different intentions and just wants to be friends.” This seems like a logical decent response. You moved way too fast! You would have had a chance for something special if you could have been a good friend with the new version of yourself. Apparently she was happily surprised and pleased and over time maybe she would have wanted more than friends. But you reverted right back to being needy! You wanted and tried for sex way too early.

Now there’s a slim chance she would want a relationship if you can control yourself, if you can build up attraction again by going out and having fun together, and not texting so much, and not asking about her feelings so soon. Take her out to have fun, then drop her at home, but don’t go in where you would be tempted to ask for sex. If and when she asks you over, just have a pleasant fun time together WITHOUT trying to get physical. I’m sorry, but you handled this all wrong.

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Patricia, I know i handled it wrong… but Im just wondering what Id say to try to fix it

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@killwithkindness - I don’t know what you changed about yourself, but lack of self control and your neediness continues. And now she knows you haven’t changed in those areas. You’ve gone backwards and done a lot of damage. She can’t trust that you are able to accept a decent friendship. You can’t sex your way into a relationship. And you can’t pressure a girl into a relationship, she has to want it on her own. Don’t text or call for a couple of weeks and then contact her to apologize for your behavior. Let her know that you can be a good friend and a gentleman. This might be your last and only chance. If you give it time and do what I wrote above in the last paragraph, she might think about reuniting.
You need to learn self-control!