Well, I texted my ex for the first time after the elephant with something funny! We chatted for a little bit, she was answering immediately, we had a couple of laughs and she was friendly but two days now she didn’t initiate contact!! She also changed her profile and cover photos on Fb and uploaded a photo on instagram after months and she is active on messenger like all the time! Should I sent her tomorrow or leave her??
Yes send her another text. Ask her how she is.
Well, the third time I initiated contact with my ex didn’t end up well… She told me that talking to her is making her confused and she is asked me this “we are texting like what? Like friends, like friends who are flirting, like cool ex? And why?”! I told her to talk to her on the phone if she is ok with that because texts can be misunderstood, she told me that she was on hurry and she is gonna call me later!!
Did I do something wrong?
She is confused about what she wants. Leave her for two weeks and try again.
I think in two weeks is going to be the same! I’m still waiting for her to talk on the phone and try to resolve this issue and then I’ll step back for two weeks!!
She also told me that she wants to chat with me!
We just spoke on the phone! She was very sweet (like when we were together)! I spoke to her with honesty and I told about what I did during the last month and how I see things different now! She told me that she is not ready to talk to me like this and that she is still confused and that she can’t be cool like me! She also told me that she needs space and time to see thing clear!!
After that she asked me about me and my family, then she told me about her studies and work!! That’s it!
What should I do now? I obviously can’t send her again… I need serious advice here!!
Just take it slow and give her more time. For now try to have some friendly relations with her and rebuild connection. Make her comfortable. But remember - you are not her friend, you are her ex. Be flirty, but be subtle.
“She told me that she is not ready to talk to me like this and that she is still confused and that she can’t be cool like me! She also told me that she needs space and time to see thing clear!!”
To me it’s obvious that she does not want contact from you for awhile. She seems like a very nice lady so perhaps she was just being kind to chat with you. Continue no contact!
She will probably get in touch on your birthday. Maybe at that time you will learn something more as to whether she remains confused.
I suspect she will be much more willing to chat after she submits her thesis for her master’s degree in September. It’s only a few months away, so I think you should be more patient.
I agree with you in most of the part patricia, but I know her well and I don’t thing that she was just being kind! Sure I’ll respect that and I’ll give her the space she needs! When we talked on the phone she was impressed with me and with how much I grew!! She was really sweet and spoke to me like when we were together!
I assume that she is thinking about getting back together too but she is not sure yet!
Well, we spoke on the phone for about 20’, it is hard for me to remember and translate the whole conversation so I can give you some clues!! Thank for the support!! I’m pretty sure that we will be together in the near future! ?
Okay, good luck:}
I don’t know what to do… I met her last week while I was shopping, we had a nice conversation and a big hug, but nothing more! She is clearly still has feelings for me but she is still confused… She is not in the mood to take it slow neither try again… She needs space and time to find out what she wants either good or bad… But how long… I’m startnig to think that it’s a lost cause…
Yeah, I know I’m impatient but it’s been 2+ months since the break up…
Oh and she is still insists on the breakup
She will insist on the breakup. She is probably worried and confused you haven’t changed, she is afraid that if she will let herself flirt with you, she will lead you on, build up hope in you and hurt you after that. The solution to that is subtly show her that you are a new person. Show her that you are no longer needy, that you are open to whatever the future will bring to you and whatever happens you’ll be happy. Show her that you are a cool and confident guy. Help her move on from the post-breakup pain. Be honest about your feelings towards her, but don’t come off as needy or desperate. This will clear her confusion, but it will take time.
Yes, it’s been two months since the breakup, but why does exactly that matter? From dates of your posts I assume you’ve been communicating for only two weeks since the end of NC. That’s way too early to talk about anything regarding to reconciling.
And that’s what NC is for. You give yourself time to learn how to be happy again by YOURSELF so that you won’t spend next months on thinking on how to please her, make her happy or flirt with her. Of course you need to watch out for some negative and positive signs while you talk with her, but the core of communication after the breakup is just to let it flow naturally and just be ready for whatever future may bring you.
If you spend your next months just obsessing over her, you will be slowly dying on the inside.
Yeah, you are right! I’m gonna let her relax from her studies! She is going on vacations on 21-26 of july and my birthday is on 28th of the same month! I think I leave her since then and after that I’ll try to communicate again! Does that sound good?
I think that sounds like a very good idea:)
Thank you, but I think there is no hope anymore, I’ll try though!
Last time we chatted and she said the same things I sent her (later that day) a thank you text!! I don’t know if this is a mistake or not, but I really wanted to just thank her because I’ve never had the chance and I felt great, relieved! I asked her not to response and that she will be always whatever happens!
Quick update: we spoke on the phone on my birthday (she just wish me with a text and I called)! She thought that I may didn’t want to speak with her that’s why the message…
So, I asked her to be honest with me and she told me this:
“Ok, honestly I am confused, It’s not that I lost attraction with you and I didn’t get to the point to say that I can’t be with with or I can’t stand you anymore… That may would be a future problem that’s why I told you that I can’t see a future with you! The problem is that wheh we got together you made me feel confident and love my body and myself, but when we broke for the first time (a couple of days) I lost all of that confidence and self-esteem and my world collapsed and I’m still not recovered… I miss you so much and I am having breakdowns because of that! I love you so much, I miss you and I want you but I don’t want to get back to you out of need or out of fear to be alone but because I really want you and it’s too early for this… I know that you believe that we can be together again amd have a great relationship but I need to believe that too! It’s not that I don’t want a relationship with you… I think that if I try a relationship with anyone right It’s going to fail! So first I need distance from you so I can be good by myself and then to see if I’ll get back to you!”
More or less that what she said… We spoke about for two hours and she couldn’t hang up… Me neither, but I had to and I did!! We talked about many other things! I don’t know if that’s good or bad… I feel good and bad at the same time!
Oh, I also started going to a therapist!