Hello my gf and I broke up a week and half ago, but my situation is very unique. She lives next door. She has depression and bipolar. She pushes me away and pulls me back. We were together nearly 3 years. I went on a trip for a week and came back to her saying she was sad and lonely and that she needed space and time alone to find happiness in herself. Like an idiot, I freaked out and made her overwhelmed within a day or so. We have had contact on an off the past week. She has wanted me sexually one day, just romantically the next, and then wanted nothing to do with me the next. She is going to start therapy in the next couple weeks. So I know that time is gonna tell. But she is also flirting with another guys, but he wasn’t interested. She works with him almost every night on a farm. She has told me that for us to become friends, her and I need to completely let go of what we had and spend time making ourselves better people. But she says she doesn’t know if we will ever get back together. Then other times she says things that sound like she knows we arnt like “take the lessons learned in our relationship and take it to your next”. She thinks she is a terrible person, but she i fell in love with her and her “problems.” Also the only issue with the NC rule is that we have a concert coming up in 3 weeks exactly to see our favorite band, they actually sing our song. Is there any way to capitalize on that with only 3 weeks apart?
@Orion - Try very hard to avoid any contact with her! After 2 weeks, ask if she would like to go to the concert. Take things very slowly and don’t get intimate until you know if she wants to reconcile or not. She is confused and has low self-esteem right now and I pray therapy will help her.
@patricia12 yesterday I went next door to her house and gave her clothes back from my house. I asked if we could speak before she left for work and she agreed. I came back an hour or so later and we spoke. We both know that we are both hurting from the split so I told her “No matter what happens, we are going to be okay as people.” And she ended up breaking down and crying because she was having a rough time with some people at work, and I asked if she wanted a hug and she said yes. I gave her a hug and told her I’d always be there to protect her, and then told her that she takes as much time as she needs. Then told her if you are in trouble or really need somebody you can text me. So I feel like I left her in good spirits. I know I shouldn’t text her back if she texts me but she is also dependant when she is depressed and if I do leave her alone in her time of need I’m afraid she will feel betrayed and not trust me as much. My situation is very particular because her emotions are all over the place and not in a healthy way.
@orion - Okay, so far so good. Don’t keep going over to her place and don’t talk, text, or see her unless you feel she really needs your support. Don’t act jealous of the other guy and don’t let her use you and then friend zone you. Let her be more independent as she seeks the help of the therapist.
@patricia12 okay, I don’t plan on making contact for a awhile. But what makes me nervous is her depression makes her think in different ways. For people with depression constant reassurance is needed or else there thoughts consume them and their point of view changes. But I do agree she does need to go about somethings independently, but still doesn’t help that she could be consumed and think I’m not there.
@Orion - Surely she has family and friends who can also support her through difficult times. Just do the best you can day to day and no doubt the therapist will also be supportive and hopefully help her overcome her depression and bipolar condition. There are medications that might help too which the therapist could prescribe after he evaluates her. Wishing you both the best:)
@patricia12 well instead of getting help right away she got another job to keep her busy, so now she is using that as an excuse to not get help right away. I hate that the only thing that can help is time. I’m starting to feel high and lows myself. Moments of pure optimism, and then those of loneliness and long to have her back. Ik that if we get back together it will be better than ever before. We both know what was wrong in our relationship, though not large things, they still had affect. I just hate thinking it’s too late because as of now she doesn’t want to fight for us when I am willing to do anything. I am hoping it is just something that can be sorted out through therapy but who knows.