GIGANTIC WARNING: This story is very very long so don’t read it unless you wish to really invest yourself in it. I am just a broken man looking for EVERY BIT OF HRLP I can get.
Hello, and Thank you in advance for listening to my lengthy story.
I was with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years (engaged for 5). We were co-owners of a home and lived together, along with my daughter (not by my ex), who was 6 at the beginning, and is presently 13 1/2.
The breakup occurred in February of 2016 (1 year, 9 months ago) and we were all out of the house by June 2016 (house sold). I actually broke up with my ex for two reasons: 1) although we had/have strong love for each other, our once-bright flame (passion, looking good for the other person, going the extra mile, making the other feel special) had died out. 2) my ex, although she loves my daughter fiercely, became very impatient, over-protective, critical and angry with my daughter over the last two years. I probably would have stayed despite reason #1, but I essentially ended the relationship when my daughter said I don’t want to live here anymore. Between the time of the breakup (Feb 2016) and the sale of the house (June 2016), my daughter lived with my mom and my sister (I still saw her every day). 90 - 95% of that time, I lived/slept overnight (separate)/ co-existed with my ex at the house.
But during this strange unique period, we started to quickly “get along” and care about each other more than we EVER had. She, every day, would ask me can we wipe the slate clean and start over FRESH. No matter how much I wanted to (and I Soooo wanted to), I said no, knowing my daughter would not want that.
After the house was sold, I went to live with my daughter, sister and mother, where I am still at now (17 months later). My ex bought a house of her own along with her mother, where she still is (40 minutes away).
After the move, my daughter and my ex spoke/interacted on the average of once every two months, with some gaps being longer. My ex tried endlessly to mend her relationship with my daughter, my daughter would rarely talk to her.
Simultaneously, starting from June 2016, I would often see my ex once a week, or if not, every two weeks, and we would hang out. Although I refused all her offers of re-starting the relationship, I still loved her immensely, and we enjoyed each others’ company, simply as friends.
In October of 2016 (now 8 months since the breakup), I gave in to my desires, and we (twice) were intimate, not quite “going all the way,” but darn close. I now wanted her more than I ever did, but I was faced with (what I at the time thought was only) two choices: a) stop everything cold and tell her we can’t continue or b) be with her and risk alienating my daughter from MY LIFE. I chose “a” and have regretted it ever since. Worse yet, she said, all I ask is that you stay in contact with me often and keep talking to me. Telling her I needed space (even though the “real me” wanted her in every way), I watched in my own agony as I distanced myself from her, at one point with us not speaking for two months. I think this basically did her in.
I started to “correct” this a bit, and by March/April 2017 we were talking more. In May, she took me out to eat for my birthday. Afterwards, missing her and seeing how fantastic she looked, I kissed her, and this continued for some time in my car. At one point she asked, “Where is this going?” and, not realizing that that was probably my last chance to not blow this, I said “I don’t know.” Up until this point, 15 months after the breakup, neither one of us had dated.
Sure enough, unbeknownst to me at the time, she would meet her present boyfriend TWO WEEKS LATER at the end of May.
I found this out in late July when I took her out for her birthday. After, when I was at her house, I went to kiss her and she said, “I’m sorry, I’m seeing someone.”
I was DEVASTATED, and in one instant realized how stupid I was. And of course, since that time I have wanted her back more than ever in my life.
Stranger yet, at this point, now August 2017, my daughter reaches out to my ex, and they begin seeing each other on Sundays, once a week or every other week (as my daughter is not old enough to drive, I saw my ex too). My daughter soon began to want to see my ex (her “mom”) by herself, which was allowing me to only see my ex at drop-offs.
They continue to this day to see each other on an every two week basis. In this time, I did not badmouth my ex’s boyfriend (who I still haven’t met) in any way, and I haven’t called or texted too much, but I have shot myself in the foot repeatedly with THE THINGS I SAID (missing her, I love her, please be with me, etc) in e-mails, texts, over the phone and face to face. The “roles” completely reversed, and she is incredibly aware of how much I love her and want her back like never before.
We still are “close” and get along and talk every couple days. But in October she told me her (now not-so)new boyfriend will be moving in sometime in the coming months, along with his 15-year-old son.
That news NEARLY killed me. Yet she has said that what she would have wished for most of all was that we had stayed together in the past, and has said I would definitely be with you (in the future) if things don’t work out with him.
I am not certain why she ever got together with this guy. He is 50, his house is about to be in foreclosure (or is), and he hasn’t worked steadily in a year or two. ???
I am fairly certain this guy will mess this up all on his own (most of us guys do), but I can’t help feeling that I am just a nice comfy fall-back option for her if and when this does, as she “wins” either way, with him or with me.
I know that I obviously have to go about my own life, and let their relationship succeed or fail or whatever it’s gonna do, and I obviously need to take that time to improve myself in as MANY ways as I can. But I know this will be very difficult as my daughter and her continue to see each other, and I am sure to be involved.
However, all that being said, I would still like to know how to do this and navigate through this maze and create re-attraction in her and ultimately be back with her. Am I crazy??? She is the love of my life and I don’t know what to do.
Please HRLP HELP HELP with all advice, comments, suggestions and everything else. Thanks so much everybody.